Not be selfish or ask for a break?

Rue - posted on 02/21/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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For weeks, I have been exhausted, crying, and lashing out on my husband and kids. I am a stay at home mom with a 3 y/o and a 2 y/o. I am 33 weeks pregnant and I have a husband who works mostly from home. I have been treating him like crap lately and I couldn't figure out why at first. He is very affectionate, helps around the house if he can but lately he just has been swamped with work, which is pretty much being on call 24/7. I never thought it would be possible to be in one roof the whole day and not acknowledge each other. Him being so busy at work and me with the 2 kiddos. I try as much as I can to take care of them without his help. But lately I just feel so overwhelmed. I am constantly shouting at my kids esp my 3 y/o, which I feel so bad about. I don't have enough patience and shouting seems to work right away as he does what I say immediately. I am a terrible mother for that. I am giving my husband the cold treatment for over a week now. I couldn't figure out why at first but I finally realized why I'm being so mean to him even though he is just working hard to support us and does nothing but woo me. I am trying to guard myself from getting hurt. I get hurt when he cannot spend time with us. So by treating him coldly I am not expecting anything from him therefore no disappointment. Valentine's day just passed and nada! He constantly tells me he loves me and appreciates me but he is so cheap. Never gives me gifts. For christmas he "got" me a bamboo pillow that I obviously don't like but I know he is dying to have one of those. One time he got me a techie toy that I don't even know what to do with ( can't even remember the name of it) but really AGAIN it's a gift for himself. This is what he does. Says he bought me something when REALLY it is clearly for himself. He let me get out of the house 3 weeks ago to have some "me" time but as soon as I left he was asking what time I can come back because he needs to work. We have no family close by so I don't have anyone I can really leave my kids to. Can't afford a sitter either. Since I am not working I don't wanna ask him for any favors costing us money. What am I supposed to do? I feel like I am losing my mind just not being able to have even a two hour break for myself once a week. Is that too much to ask? I can never do anything for myself. I have no break at all. I'm being so selfish here I know but I also feel like me trying to be a martyr is not working out either with me lashing at my family all the time. I love my kids so dearly. I know I sound like a monster in this post but when I actually leave the house without them I miss them
Incredibly. I love them both so much. Often times I tell myself, "you're the one who wants lots of kids so deal with all your emotions and suck it up". My husband and I both want a big family but I am just feeling so weak right now. Not so much physically but mentally I just need some peace and quiet.

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Rue - posted on 02/22/2015

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Thanks Michelle. I have been actually thinking of talking to him when I woke up this morning and reading your post really tells me it's the right thing to do. I appreciate u taking the time to read my really long post and give your insight.

Michelle - posted on 02/22/2015

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You are not a monster at all. We have all had those overwhelming moments as Mothers.
I think you really need to sit down with your husband and have a good talk about how you are feeling and what he could do to help you. Don't be accusing though, just explain that you feel very overwhelmed with everything at the moment and need him to help a bit.
I would also let him know that if he can't take a couple of hours away from work to look after the children then he will need to find the money for a sitter. It's not selfish to want a couple of hours a week to yourself, you need it.
If you both want a big family then he needs to help out more. You'll find that most large families have the Father helping out a lot, the Mother doesn't do everything on her own, it's impossible!!! You aren't superwoman, you are human. You have both created the children and it takes both of you to raise them. I'm sure he doesn't want to look back on their childhood and wish he didn't work so much and had spent more time with them. I know my Mother's husband regrets the amount that he worked when his children were young.

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