Not feeling understood

Brooke - posted on 01/04/2016 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I'm a SAHM to an amazing 1year old boy. I never thought I'd be a mom, never mind a SAHM. I'm still getting the hang of it, but it truly is an amazing thing to be able to raise this tiny human. Today, my bf said to me...."what do you even do all day?!"....implying that because sometimes housework, laundry, Etc. isn't always my first priority. He Doesnt understand how hard it is to be home with a child all day. I don't get a "lunch break" or "bathroom break" or punch out when I'm done!!! I've tried explaining to him how I feel but I just don't feel like he will ever understand completely. Anyone else go through something like this???

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Moeun - posted on 01/05/2016

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I totally get how you feel. My husband used to come home and say the same to me. I would always brush it off, but inside I was hurt because I KNEW what I had been doing all day, but the house looks horrible once he gets home at 4 in the evening. One day he came home and I had been tired, cleaning, dealing with two kids (both under 5), and making sure dinner is ready by 3-4 everyday is not easy. Anyways, he came home and saw that the house had been destroyed (again) After I had cleaned multiple times throughout the day. He looks at me and says "what have you been doing?" We got into it, and I told him what ultimately changed his mind and he has not once mentioned a word about what I do or don't do while he's at work. I said, "You know what? I never once judge whether or not you've had an easy day at work or not. Because I don't care, I just assume you've worked hard, and if you did have an easy day, GOOD! I'm glad. You deserve it!" He was quiet, and then said, "I didn't know you were so fair." He realized he had been judging me. There are days one of you will have an easy day, and the other has had a hard one. What work he/you see or don't see doesn't matter, he/you should just assume that both of you are pulling the weight. If either of you ARE having an easy day GOOD! that's what you should want for each other. You don't just say," I hope you have a great day." Just to say it. You say it because you mean it. And a great day IS an easy day. Im not sure if my story will help lol just thought I'd share what worked for me. Hope you guys work it out

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Lynnae - posted on 01/07/2016

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I completely understand what your going through. No matter if your your working or SAHM, things like this happen a lot. Its hard for a man to relate to the fact being a mom working or not is a 24/7 job. I know that you have tried to express the hardship but what really worked for me is having him have a day in your shoes. The feedings (on schedule), the diapers, the tantrums, naptime. And then on top of that challenge Him to have the dishes down, dinner cooked, groceries bought, Laundry done and the house clean. He will have a deeper understanding of the fact that taking care of a baby is not just staring at them and feeding them. Actually experiencing i think will show more result then just expressing your feelings because he clearly doesnt empathaze or understand the hardships. Good luck!

Moeun - posted on 01/06/2016

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Omgosh! I moved away from my hometown to a different state. I don't have friends or family where I'm living now. You aren't alone ladies!

Mara - posted on 01/05/2016

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Yea me either I moved away and live in a smaller city in Amarillo. I don't have no family here or friends. So it's hard to find ppl who are mom's and go thru the same situation.

Brooke - posted on 01/05/2016

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Thanks ladies! I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. Nor having many mom friends makes it hard to find others that relate to how I feel sometimes.

Mara - posted on 01/05/2016

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That's all guys they think just bc were stay home moms we don't do anything, they think it's so easy. When being home is much harder than actually working, that's my opinion. I believe it's a bigger responsibility! I hated when they say I wish I could just stay home and not do nothing.... I'm like really what does that supposed to mean??? I have 3 kids one is 6 and my son is 3 and I have a1 year old. It's a handful. I'm always busy. Don't worry I think we're on the same boat. Some men won't understand, ur not alone.

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