Not getting what he wants....

Christina - posted on 02/27/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hello, SAHM 13 month old. My little guy in the last 2-3 days, breaks down when he cannot have something he wants. I don't give in, but am absolutley floored at his reaction to not getting what he wants. He is such a laid back guy...... Any suggestions??


[deleted account]

That's so hard! Honestly, he's just becoming a toddler and it's something you'll just have to ride out. It is shocking when the tantrums begin. When your mellow little baby suddenly starts flipping out, it can be really unnerving! People never believe me when I tell them how skilled my daughter is at pitching a massive fit. She looks so angelic, but when she's mad, look out (thankfully, the phase of her throwing her sippy cup at me passed quickly:-)

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. The 5 year old still occasionally loses it when he wants something, but at this point I can explain to him why he can't have everything. We also pay him an allowance for doing some basic chores, so if he flips out over a toy, I explain to him that he has 3 choices, wait and ask Santa, put it on your birthday wishlist, or save your money and buy it yourself. That is usually all it takes, then he feels empowered that there is something he can do about it (it also motivates him to help around the house so he can earn money faster!).

Obviously that tactic won't work on my 2 year old. I've had to carry her screaming out of more than one store and here at home I've put her into many time-outs for flipping out over wanting juice instead of milk, etc. At this age, for me the best thing to do has been to ignore the behavior and only respond to them once they calm down again. Recently I've been putting her into timeout while she calms down. Just today she started to lose it over being put into her carseat (not her idea, so she felt it necessary to scream and try to hit me). I told her to stop or that we would go back in the house for time-out, instead of going to the store. She stopped immediately (didn't want to miss going to the store). For now, I think you just need to try to be patient, don't give in to his tantrums no matter what, and soon he'll be old enough to understand when you give him the ultimatum like I did with my daughter today. Just be sure whatever ultimatum you give is one you can live with, obviously don't threaten to skip something that has to be done, etc.

Good luck!

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