not so good parents...worse grandparents and playing favs.

[deleted account] ( 16 moms have responded )

I could say I am at my wits end w/ my parents lack of concern, empathy...anything but I would have to say that I am past my wits end and have moved on to .....ARGH!!!!!!!!!! How do you handle parents (who, btw, claim christianity), who weren't the greatest parents but are now worse grandparents; at least to some of their children's kids. e.g. My kids have not yet received their christmas gifts from them. What to do?!

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[deleted account]

About a year ago, I was at my wits end with my parents. I had to decide if maintaining a relationship with them, was not just the best thing for myself, but for my family. I love my parents, but realized that it was not in anyones best interest to stay in contact, so I cut them off completely. It came down to the fact that my relationship with them was doing much more harm than good. I was so frustrated that it was affecting my ability to parent my own children. My children deserve the best. It's my job to give them that. Since I've stopped all contact with my parents, my families lives have all improved. I felt so much stronger, and a huge weight was lifted. I think it was one of the smartest things I ever did.
Weigh the good vs bad in the relationship. Take a close look at how the relationship affects your family and decide if there is potential for improvement. Improve the situation to your comfort level, whatever that is. Your children deserve the best, just like you. Don't ask for the best, demand it. Our children learn respect by watching us.
I wanted my children to have respect for themselves and that wasn't going to happen if they saw me allowing their grandparents to disrespect me as well as them.

Candi - posted on 02/02/2010

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Im not trying to be rude or anything. Christmas is not about getting presents. We don't have a lot of money and just being a family for ur children should be enough. My parents r divorced and so is my husbands. and we both have siblings. We see the grandparents spending more on one family or even more time. But be the family ur children needs. Don't worry about the others. ignore it. Now adays everyone has there favorites and u just need to be the bigger person and not let ur children see it.

[deleted account]

Join the club lol we ought to start our own community. My parents in law were awful to the kids. I actually banned my father in law from seeing them after i caught him about to slap my son across the face, he was 5 or 6 at the time. From day one my husbands nieces and nephews were treated better, they would get regular presents more pocket money photos of them everywhere. We just learned to live with it and get on with life. My father wasnt much good either, he was never mean to the kids just never had any time for them.

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Stacie - posted on 12/18/2012

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i can relate to this.. i guess i just learned to live with it.... somethings never change

Kristen - posted on 02/04/2010

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Honey, don't let them get to you. I know it's hard but there's nothing you can do. And you don't want your kids growing up knowing them and being treated badly. Just brush em off.

Chelsea - posted on 02/04/2010

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my step mother and real dad deal with this from my grandmother, they came to a conclusion that she's old and grouchy and theres no changing her ways. maybe showing them its not fair and talking with them, but sometimes it doesn't help, so you kinda just have to sit back and watch them be a holes. dont tell your children though, they'll just get real negative about their grandchildren, and i wouldnt do that for that would just give the granparents a excuse to be more of what they already are

Shannon - posted on 02/04/2010

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I kinda feel like my kids dont have any grandparents except for my mom. We dont speak to any of my husbands family because whenever my son was born they acted like he didnt matter my husbands mom said she wanted to think it never happened and didnt want to tell any of her family about him being born and she thinks he was a mistake! What a bitch! I hate that piece of shit women. lol sorry for the bad language.

My dad moved to florida whenever I was pregnant with my 2nd and has met her once and hardly ever sends presents usually just ecards or like 50 bucks to a toy store online. My husbands dad claims to be such a wonderful person he wasnt there for any of kids and left them all. We live with my mom, but she always screams at them for coming into her room to see her and she never keeps her promise of babysitting so i can get out with my husband and she goes off and parties like shes my age! lol It really sucks but oh well THEY are the ones missing out not US!

[deleted account]

well one thing...they left me in a NYC hospital after a third brain surgery and returned to their home 3 hrs away. Yep..bad lol

[deleted account]

time? ha ha ha ha..sorry. They live 15 mins away and NEVER visit me or my children. As far as the gifts are concerned..the others got them.my kids didn't. Oh they have them...just didn't get around to it. But ty

[deleted account]

thank you. There is no talking to my parents..unless 1. i say everything they agree with 2. I stick my head in the sand as they do 3. I am one of my two other siblings. I'm freaken 45 and I'm not looking for what i used to..just decency. Obviously that is given in short supply also and only to the ones they feel are deserving. I think I'm just going to cut ties totally. It's not worth it not to.
lori

LauraBeth - posted on 02/02/2010

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If they are so bad and make you feel that way dont go around them, yes they are your parents that doesnt mean you have to invite them to anything or have them in your life! Since they bother you that much I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure out why they are like they are. As for the christianity thing, there are TONS of people out there that say that are something they are not, I mean you can say your a donkey all day long to make yourself sound better but at the end of the day you are still a jackass. I call people that say they are Christians but act differently "Luke Warm", but please dont let them be your only exsample of what a Christian should be.

[deleted account]

I'm curious to know how ur parents were ' bad parents ' and ' even worse grandparents '? I feel badly for you but maybe if they're that bad ur children are better off not having much of a relationship with them??

Andrea - posted on 02/02/2010

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I understand 100% where you coming from.. As my "father" (that is not what i call him) Has seen his Grandkids in 2 years.. That mean he has never seen my Son or Daughter.. He never once has called to check up on them.. He has never even tried to see them.. He has never even tried to see my Daughter who was born at 36 weeks with Gastroschisis (insides outside body) Who was given a 50/50 chance of living.. So they have never gotten anything from him nor will they.. So i guess what i am saying is just love your kids and let them know that you are there for them and others who love them and will always be there for them.. I find the easy thing for me is just not to tell them anything about him.. (in my case as they don't know him at all) With that said.. You can try and be the bigger person by talking with them and asking why they feel your kids didn't get any thing from them.. I also just lost my mother in law (who i was really close to) in sept. which made for a rough christmas in our family.. But we did as she would have wanted and we got them gifts that said for Nana Q to our kids.. Which made us happy and made them think she was still there... ( i know that is not an answer) It worked this year and i am sure it will work next year just as my kids are only 2 years old and 10 months old.. So they don't know any different.. I would try and talk with your parents and see what kind of answer you will recive from them about.. Hope this is helpful.. Take care and best wishes... Just know that my thoughts are with you...

Dee - posted on 02/02/2010

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I have the same not with presents but time, best option is to distance yourself, and do something special for you kids so they dont notice, my kids are too young yet to figure it out thank goodness. They will believe in their mind they are great so there is no point in trying to change them.

Carolee - posted on 02/02/2010

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You can't do anything, really. They just suck at the whole "parenting" and "grandparenting" thing, apparently. As for the Christianity thing goes... TONS of people claim that. I don't know why, but they try to use it as some sort of shield against anybody saying bad things against them. If they don't show it, don't believe it. If they show it, good for them, they seem to truly believe it.



Try to think of it a different way. They (by what you said) weren't good parents, so be thankful they're not there often enough to screw up your own kids. Also, try not to expect things like "gifts"... that takes the "gift" part out of it, and makes it something more like a "payment" for being related to someone.

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