"Older" First Time Moms

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

Hi,

I'm relatively new to Circle of Moms and have enjoyed reading and responding to many of the posts. Seems we have a wonderful group of strong, opinionated, intelligent and loving Moms assembled here. This question is for the older ones though. I was 36 when I had my son, who is 15 months old now. Not for lack of trying but, getting and staying pregnant just didn't happen with my ex husband. We divorced 6 years ago and I met a wonderful new man who will become my husband this April. I have suffered several miscarriages over the years (at least 5 of them between the ages of 24 and 30) and, at 35, I had given up on becoming a Mom, had just finally accepted that I would always be Aunt Joy when...surprise!!! Talk about being in shock and happy and scared and all the normal stuff. But then at my first prenatal appointment I was put into the Advanced Maternal Age (AMA) category due to the fact that I would be over 35 at my due date. For one thing, it scared the crap out of me to hear all the risks of defects and Down's Syndrome. For another, it pissed me off because just the TERM Advanced Maternal Age makes it sound like I should walk my decrepid self to the park, using my walker of course and sit on a bench feeding pidgeons and knitting! Anyway, as much as I have always wanted to be a mother, to have this kind of love in my life, I struggle sometimes with adjusting. I think part of it is the normal stuff new moms go through, the doubts....Am I doing this right? Oh God, I'm gonna screw up my kid! The exhaustion that borders insanity. The blurry line between catching myself putting the dirty diaper in the fridge and the milk in the garbage. That sort of thing. But, for me, I also think it is a struggle because I spent the first 20 years of adulthood having it just be all about ME. I think I got set in my ways a little and didn't (still don't sometimes) know how to handle the gift I so badly wanted and finally got. I get so frustrated sometimes at the loss of my time...being able to do what I want, when I want. Not that I don't love my son with all my heart but....does anyone else know what I'm talking about?

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Tara - posted on 02/18/2010

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Oh boy, do I ever... I had my first girl at 36 and my 2nd girl at 37 (they are 18 months apart), so I now have my oldest who will be 2 this March and my youngest who is 4 1/2 months old. I think some of what you are feeling isn't even because of your age, it's just universal to motherhood. That said, sometimes I feel like it would have been a teeny bit easier if I were younger when I had my kids but I don't regret for a single second having them.

Brenda - posted on 02/18/2010

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Hi!! Well this post I am responding to is over a year old, so I don't know if you are still out there. But I read your post and thought, wow this is so like my own story. So if you are still out here let me say, it gets easier. I too suffered for years with fertillity problems and miscarriages. At 37, I gave birth to my daughter and on her 1st birthday we were shocked to find out we were expecting our 2nd child!!! Our Bonus Baby!!! So at 39, I gave birth to my son. My children are now, 9 and 8.
Those early years were hard! I did lots of sleep deprived silly things. I thought that I would never get the hang of things, and then when I thought I had it down, along came our son. This is what I did: Took a deep breathe, slowed down and enjoyed them. I took tons of pictures, wrote down their milestones and little things they would say, etc. just enjoyed the moments. I know that time will go by too quickly for me, and they would be grown and out on their own way too soon for me!! And they are so growing up too quickly!! I am still taking pics and writing down their funny sayings, and enjoying them!! Finding the humor in life can be challenging but humor cuts down the stress!!
If you are out there I hope this helps. I would love to talk about situations us older moms face.

Liz - posted on 02/02/2009

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I know exactly what you are talking about. Although I am 22 years old and a first time mom of twins ( boy and girl)  I was in my Junior year of College when I got pregnant with them.  At times it frustrated me and still does sometimes when I hear my friends talking about the end of college and stuff like that, and my husband still hasn't quite adjusted I don't think fully to being a father yet. They are almost eight months old and at times I still find it a bit hard to not be able to do what I want when I want, especally since sometimes my husband does regardless of what the kids need, not that he doesn't love them. He just hasn't quite gotten down that he has to put what he wants on the side burner sometimes although he has gotten better.  I know at times when they first came home there were times where I almost did do the diaper in the fridge and what not, but it does get better.

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