out of control 14 year old boy...my heart is breaking!!!

Smg - posted on 12/03/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Most of it all started when my son hit puberty about 1 1/2 year ago. He went from a straight A student in beta club and 4H club to not caring about school at all. He was in a private school that after 40+ years closed their doors so against our better judgement we put him in a public school close to us. He got with wrong crowd and about 2 months later he gets in trouble with marijuana at 13 years old. I take him out of that school and put him in another Christian private school. He wanted to play football as he has done his whole life along with baseball and some basketball. Well this school didn't have football so we changed him to a different christian private school that did. This school only had openings for honors classes which would have been great about 1 year ago but now he's become lazy and only thinks of hanging with his friends and staring at his phone. With 3 F's I was afraid he would fail the 8th grade so now I am trying to homeschool him myself. I knew it would be hard cuz he is so disrespectful to me and every other word is a curse word and bad ones at that. He uses Gods name in vein several times per day and he has always been taught differently. We are 2 days into homeschool and I am already so outdone. I haven't left the house in 2 days or put makeup on or done anything with myself in 2 days. This is the easiest schoolwork but he isn't interested. I took his phone from him but he found his old iPhone 4 that's not connected but works around wifi and he won't leave it alone long enough to do his schoolwork that would take over 2 hours to do if he would stick with it and do it but he drags it out to last all day and it's a constant battle all day with him cursing me and yelling and arguing all day. I have been drug testing him several times per month since what happened at school. He failed one about 1 week ago for marijuana. That's the only one in 6 or 7 months that he failed but he just turned 14 a couple days ago. It's too soon for this kind of thing. I watch him like a hawk and when he goes to a friends house I call him constantly. Some parents won't let their kids be around him cuz of what happened with the marijuana. My son thinks it makes him cool and he likes the bad boy image so he goes around exaggerating the things he does and it gets back to parents. He doesn't do half the stuff he says but he wants people to think that and sometimes I don't put it past him to do those things. I think my son is very self conscience on top of everything cuz he was a little chubby before he hit puberty but now he's skinny as a rail cuz all that baby fat came off but he worries about getting chubby again. Which nobody in my family is overweight so the chances of him getting overweight is very slim. He spends lots of time getting ready, trying on clothes, fixing his hair and gets so upset when he can't get the look he's going for. The bottom line is I have no control over my son, he curses me and tells me how much he hates me daily and I have no idea how to get control of him and get our household back to a peaceful place. I show my love for him even when he tells me he hates me but yesterday I finally snapped and probably said some things I shouldn't have said but I am human and I can only take so much mental abuse. I have always spoiled my son and give him about anything he wants so I have always known that was a huge problem. My husband doesn't offer much help in this situation. He complains about the way things are but doesn't really try for a solution. Please tell me this won't always be like this and my son will change. I am a Christian but my anger makes me lose my religion but I have been very patient until yesterday. I told him I was gonna have to send him off somewhere to get ahold of him before it's too late and told him he was tearing our family apart. I feel so guilty for letting myself lose control and say things I shouldn't cuz I know it just makes things worse. I just wish there was an easy fix😏 hes on restriction for 2 months and isn't allowed to spend the night with anyone except family for along time even after he gets off restriction cuz I can't trust him. He has broken my trust one to many times. A lot of his friends parents don't watch or listen out for them at night and they can sneak out and do stuff their not suppose to. What am I gonna do to get our lives back on track?!? I never talk about this stuff to anyone so excuse the length of this post😁 There's so much more to say but I'll stop here... Thanks for listening💕

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A - posted on 12/03/2015

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You say you are constantly calling him when he goes to a friends house. How about not letting him go since he hasn't earned it.

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Raye - posted on 12/03/2015

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Your words: "I have always spoiled my son and give him about anything he wants so I have always known that was a huge problem." Yes, this is a huge problem. You need to demand respect, have rules and consequences, and stop giving in to his wants unless he earns those privileges. You need to enforce the consequences consistently and stick to it. Of course he's not going to change if you back down. The phone should have been take a long time ago, and if he found another one, that should be taken too. You and your husband should be on the same page with enforcing the rules, but he probably feels defeated since you have let the boy run wild. Kids need discipline.

Hopefully you have educated yourself on the laws for homeschooling in your state. Every state has some form of a compulsory attendance law that requires children in a certain age range to spend a specific amount of time being educated. For most children, this is done in a public or private school setting. For homeschooling, many states also have regulations on the minimum number of hours and achievement (passing grades) that a child must meet.

In Ohio, where I live, homeschooling parents must contact the superintendent of schools to provide the personal information of the child so they know the child is being home schooled, and is not just being truant. The parent must also submit: an outline of the curriculum that the parent plans to cover in the school year, a list of materials (textbooks, etc.) that the parent plans to use, a parent signature guaranteeing that the child will be in home education for 900 hours during the full school year, and assurance that the home instructor has a high school diploma or GED. At the end of the "school year", homeschooling parents must also send an academic assessment to the superintendent on what the child has learned. The academic assessment report needs to be one of two things: either the results of a nationally normed, standardized test or a written portfolio including samples of the student’s work. The superintendent must notify the parents within fourteen days of his/her decision on the child's performance and if they may pass to the next grade level.

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