Out of control four year old...

User - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My oldest gets so angry and is really nasty to his sister and talks awful to me when he is in one of his 'moods' he can be a lovely boy but I don't know how to deal with this behaviour, I have tried displining him (putting on time out chair and even a little smack when its really bad) these things make him angrier and worsen the behaviour, I have also tried ignoring it, but this doesn't work either, I have sat down and talked to him about it, I'm at my wits end as to how to deal with him... he thinks he is the parent and its his job to boss his parents and sister around; does anyone else have the same problem and how do you deal with it?

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Barbara - posted on 08/04/2009

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I like Love and Logics way of dealing with children and discipline. You might want to check out some of the free articles on their website for some ideas. I have used there tools with my children and it really helps. Check out Loveandlogic.com

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Elisabeth - posted on 08/04/2009

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I know how you feel. I have those times every now and then with my DD (she's 7 now) and it's hard. But I think you have to remember that it's probably as hard for him as it is for you. Thinking from his point of view he probably doesn't really know what else to do, how else to react. You can try to give him options. If he hits someone, show him to hit at the floor or a pillow. Reflect his feelings, give them words like: "I think you are feeling really really angry right now." Or "You really want this candy bar." It also helps to talk about your feelings instead of doing accusations. Like "I don't want you to hurt somebody." or "I want you to stop yelling!" Be accurate and don't make to many words. No explanations. Just your feelings. You can explane later if you feel he needs it but if he is in one of his "fits" he won't be able to listen.



I know this sounds much easier than it is and it really depends on my own condition if I have the patients to really get through with it. But I've found that in the long run this way get's me much farther then just shouting and telling no. I try to do it with both my children and am often amazed at how understanding they CAN be (opposed to how they sometimes are).



I hope this helps a little.



And...at the end of the day I sometimes think about how it would be to loose one of my kids. And how heartbroken I would be. And how much I would wish to hold them one more time and endure their "nastyness". That really helps getting things in perspective and be kind and patient once more.



Elisabeth

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