over bearing in laws!

Jessica - posted on 10/14/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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how can i make my mother in law and sister in law truely understand that they are not the ones that have a say in how i raise my daughter?! My husband either stays neutral or sides with them. So he's no help.

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Rachael - posted on 10/14/2009

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you poor thing. I feel for you. You are going to have to explain to your husband whats going on. I hate to say this but HE is the one who has to deal with them. You and your daughter are his family now not them and only the two of you have any say in raising your child. My husband and I had to go through that. He had to go over BY HIMSELF and have a sit down conversttion with them and "explain" that as his wife blah blah blha. I don't encourage nagging BUT in this case ... it has to be him. Best of luck!

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My mother in law is the same way. I tried to be nice to her, and understanding and tried to let her be a part of my childs life, all the while trying to make her realize that she could be a part of my childs life and still let me be the mother and do the parenting. My husband was no help, because the army sent him off to another county, so I had to fend for myself. Eventually, what happend was her and I had a nock down drag out fight. I left the country mad at her to join my husband in Germany, and stopped speaking to her. I hate that it came to that, but sometimes it's the only way to make them listen. Your husband needs to support you, and he needs to cut the apron strings and be the man you need him to be. Tell him if he wants your mother to raise his children, perhaps he should go back to mama for a few months and finish growing up. He married you, and it's up to the 2 of you to raise your chid together. Sit down and talk it out with him, and don't let him leave the conversation until he can say that he understands your point of view. Tell him your not trying to nag, but that you are really un-happy, and you want to fix things to make the future a little brighter. Let him know that you dont' doubt that your mom has some great child-rearing advice, but that you would rather come to her and ask for her advice instead of her Trying to completly take over. Tell him to take a chance that you are a good mother, but that the in-laws wont' give you a single chance to proove yourself to anybody. You deserve that chance. Ask him to stand by you, and cut the apron strings

Jill - posted on 10/15/2009

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move.... far far away...hahahaha.. thank God i never had that problem as my husband and i both moved away before we met....

Jessica - posted on 10/15/2009

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thank you all so much. you have given me some good insight on how to put them back in their place. that way i can regain my place in this family.

[deleted account]

i think it will get harder the longer you let it go on.. as the mom you can nicely explain to them that while you appreciate their concerns.. their advice doesnt have to be constantly shoved down your throat.. lol.. you could also let them know that as you are sure that they are great mothers and capable, that you feel capable as well.. and if you need help you will be sure to ask them if necessary.. unfort, your husband is their son and brother.. he prob doesnt want to make anyone upset .. but he needs to realize that hes making you the mother and wife upset which is what he should be concerned with.. you are his family now, the most imp.. try to talk to him if you want to.. but make him aware that you will take on your in laws if need be

Michele - posted on 10/14/2009

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I have been there and you got to put your foot down and one tell you husband you married him and not the family. So there for he need's to take care of you and be there as well. I know it's hard when family try to take over but you got to show them who is boss and that your not letting them do you that way. Once you say something i'm all will be better even if it hurt's there feelings for awhile but they will get over it. You got to stop letting them do you that way or they will do it as long as you let them. Good luck. Michele

Crystal - posted on 10/14/2009

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I'm in the same boat as you. I live with my in laws and they are always telling me how and what to do with my son. and make remarks that are more then not called for. And to be honest i still don't know how to tell them straight out that they don't really have a say unless i ask. But i ignore them or just do what i want not what they want. Yeah they do get pissed but hes my son. I have my own ways of running my family and rasing my son they way i want. And my husband is no help really. Its his parents so he should be the one telling them straight out. but yet he nvever does. even though he feels the same way i do. but if you get any good tips let me know.

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