Overwhelmed...why can't I do this

Stephanie - posted on 05/15/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have a 16 month old daughter who is starting to act up. I think the beginning of the terrible two's. I am also pregnant just starting my second trimester. I get so stressed out it makes my belly hurt, I don't know if I can handle having two kids!
I am worried about my unborn baby because I haven't been able to exercise and do the same things I did when my first was in utero. I just feel so stressed out, I tried talking to my husband last night but he says I can do it and his friend's wife has four kids now and they say it's easier when you have more kids. Am I some kind of loser because I can't handle even one child? I am feeling very overwhelmed lately and I don't know if I can do all this. Is it hormones and mood swings, maybe? I was so confident before...
I always said that I wasn't going to have kids, but if I were to have kids, I would home-school them (because of my horrible experience at public school). But now, I don't know if I can do it, I feel like a failure to myself. I really would like to get appendicitis and go stay in a hospital for three or four days. To have someone to cook for me and clean up after me, and not have to move or talk or do anything for anyone but myself. Am I going crazy?! I am so exhausted and I don't want to do this anymore, I feel like running away! Is this hormones, what is wrong with me?!
Did you ever feel this way? I don't have any mommy friends, so I have no one to chat with about these things. I feel so abnormal and alone!

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Kristin - posted on 05/20/2013

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I can completely relate to what you are going through. I have been through this a few times and occasionally still feel this way to a lesser degree within a day. You will get through this and you can do what you want to do. Just remember, you don't have to do it all.

First, you need to carve out some time for yourself to do something just for you; take a nap, a walk, meditate, yoga. You need something to get back in touch with your inner strength. Your hormones are all over right now and that is okay. How you feel is okay. You need to feel your feelings, acknowledge them, and then let them go. You need to talk to your husband and know that he supports you. It sounds as though he does, but you don't really believe that he believes in you. It's okay to be wiped out and frustrated, even when you are NOT pregnant.

Second, you have to get out with your daughter and make some friends. Try the parks, museums, pools, church groups (if you go), your library. You will find all sorts of things that will recharge you and distract her. Your daughter's age group is highly energetic, active, curious, and sometimes flat out defiant. All you can really do is to set age appropriate boundaries and stick with your disciplinary method.

Third, parenting is fluid. I truly believe the best approach is to hope for the best while planning for the worst. You can plan to home school and it will ABSOLUTELY be OK to change your mind. Not all public schools are the same. I LOVED some that I attended and could have done without others. Perhaps a parenting class would open some avenues for you; both with ideas on how to bring them up and socially. It's just a thought.

I was all over the map with my second and third pregnancies. I really think I should have been committed for the duration and a little after the delivery. I still haven't fully gotten my brain back and the youngest is 3. We all fee abnormal and alone more than we really would care to admit. You are not either of those things. If you feel this is moving beyond loneliness and confusion, talk to your doctor. If they are worth the paper their degree is printed on they will get you the help you need. Mommy support groups are everywhere, even here.

chin up, you are doing great.

Jeramie - posted on 05/15/2013

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Oh, you sound exactly like I did last time I was pregnant. you are NOT Crazy, or wrong. It is scary. My daughter was a terrible two year old when I was pregnant with my son. It DOES get easier, especially after the baby is born. I know how my husband didn't seem to understand my worries and frustrations. It's not his fault. Men have inferior frontal lobes without the ability to worry appropriately.

As far as your first born is concerned, I know you are tired, and probably the one who is around the most, but you have to be consistent with your discipline, and make your husband follow the same patterns. not only with punishing bad behaviors, but rewarding good behaviors. I was tired and lazy, and my daughter was becoming a hellion. I had to train mySELF to dicipline her consistently. Including correcting bad behavior after the FIRST time i told her to do something. after a while it gets better. make your husband know you can't do that alone. a good older sibling will make a big difference in your sanity once you have 2 to take care of.

Don't worry about homeschooling yet. That is a long way off. You can decide later.

Do you have any female family nearby? or a very good girlfriend? Even if they don't have kids, positive feminine energy can be very comforting. you need someone to vent to that will listen without immediately trying to solve every problem you have, like men tend to try to do. call a friend and cry. let it out.

buy lots of convenience foods, and paper plates. if there is no one to help you, make it easier for yourself.

Selina - posted on 05/15/2013

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more than likely its hormones hun. my oldest is now 13 and I can remember her father coming home from work and finding me in tears holding her out saying please just take her for five min. it is hard with the first one but know that it does get easier as you get into the swing of things. my oldest was two when my second was born and she was 5 mts when I got preg. with the third and two years later the forth was born. I totally understand how you feel. I to thought of homeschooling but wanted them to experience the social part of it.......plus I wanted my sanity back...lol. I don't regret having them close together because they are so tuned into one another. take breaks, tell your husband you need time even if its going to the store, getting coffee or even a long bath. also try to plan a date night for just you and the hubs. that helps a lot. you may want to talk to your dr and let them know how your feeling.....trust me it wont be the first time they have heard it. hope this helps you out and im here if ya need anything

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Stephanie - posted on 05/24/2013

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Thank you all so much for your responses. It seems like every once in a while I have a really hard day. I have been so exhausted lately!
It is nice to hear that I am not alone, not the the only one to feel this way.
I love being a SAHM and I feel very blessed to be able to care for my kids myself. But this is a hard life! My husband does give me a lot of credit for the work I do around the house. When he talks about his co-workers, who pay nannies and daycare fees, I feel that much better about my decision.
Thank you all for your responses.

Kirsten - posted on 05/22/2013

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You are not crazy at all. I am due in 2 weeks with our second child, our other one is 2 and a half and we have a bonus son who is 11. Being a stay at home parent is A LOT of work and feeling overwhelmed is normal at times. Definitely talk to your husband about how you are feeling and open with anything you need his help with. Also, be sure to take time for yourself and getting out and letting her socialize (libraries are great) let's you get out and socialize, too.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/21/2013

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Stephanie, I feel the same way about wanting to go to the hospital for a few days to be taken care of. Ever since I had my daughter I feel like I'm dying everyday. You are not a loser. Pregnancy and taking care of children takes a toll on your body. Some women are built for it and some aren't. I know people get tired of hearing me complain about how I feel so tired and so sick all the time, but it's true and I know I can't really help it. You can't help that you're having these feelings, and you don't have to, it's your body and your feelings. You're pregnant, try to get some time alone to yourself, have your husband watch your daughter. Btw yes, a child can enter the terrible 2's at 16 months. I don't have any real advice for you because I'm going through the same thing, I just want you to know that you're not alone and you're definitely not a loser! XOXO I don't know you but I love you because YOU ARE a good mom, you ARE NOT a loser. and you are trying and it's okay not to feel well.

Michelle - posted on 05/20/2013

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Honey, get a referral to a counselor. You sound as if you have a bit of depression and anxiety and it does help to talk with someone. I was really down when I was pregnant with my 3rd and the counselor helped immensely.
Yes in a way it is hormones but when they reach a point that you feel like you can't go on and want to run away then you really need to talk to someone. I was referred to the social worker at the hospital during one of my appointments and it all came under my pre-natal care.
You also need your husband to understand that not everyone can cope with more than 1 child. Some women are more maternal than others and can cope with a football team when others struggle with 1. He needs to learn to NOT compare you to his friends as every single one of us is different, that's what makes the world a wonderful place. It would be very boring if we were all the same.

Marissa - posted on 05/19/2013

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Hey it gets better. Your hormones are way off. Tell your hubbie that you need a day off and don't give him the option to say no. Go get a foot rub and relax. Everyone gets a little overwhelmed especially when the kids are so close together. And love your children with the tools that god game you

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