Overwhelmed with guilt

Jody - posted on 05/01/2010 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi all,



Im currently a month of a gorgeous little 17 month old girl. Shes my world and i love her to bits.



Ive recently found out that i am pregnant again (not sure when due yet as still need to see dr). While it is happy news and ive always wanted another baby, i am overwhelmed with guilt.



I feel so guilty for having another baby and knowing that my daughter is going to have to share my time and attention with her new brother/sister when they are born. I also worry that its not possible to love another baby as much as i love my little girl.



I also fear that my feeling towards my daughter might change when the new baby is born.



Im just constantly crying on and off cause of this emense guilt i feel. Is this normal or am i very wierd. It should be a happy time and would be even more so if i wasnt carrying these feeling about with me.



Has anyone else felt this way before and if yes how did you deal with it and cope? Any help and advice i would really appreciate.



Thank you for listening xxx

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Lori - posted on 05/01/2010

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Take a deep breath and relaaaaaax! If you DIDN'T totally love your little girl THEN you should be concerned about not being able to love another baby. You are going to adore your new little one, too. I don't know how it happens, but your heart just gets bigger with each one. =) I have 3 boys. They are all so different, yet I love each one of them equally. Don't worry. This is such an exciting time for you and for your little girl! Don't spoil it for you and your daughter by freaking out. Relax, enjoy each day, and know that you CAN handle it! We moms believe in you!

14 Comments

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Jessica - posted on 05/03/2010

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When I first found out that I was pregnant ever I was 29 years old. It was time for me to have kids if I ever was biologically, but I was not married and the baby was not the product of the man that I consider to be my "soul mate". I felt extreemly sick and that was how I even knew that I was pregnant. I was miserable. I was so shocked that I would wind up with an unwanted pregnancy at any age. I am a Latter Day Saint and I live by a very strict moral code. I was very depressed about it. I told my 50 year old friend Charlotte that I could not believe that I was pregnant and how unhappy I was. I am still not married, but that little boy has become the center of my universe. I have two little boys now and they both have the same birthday (July 2). They were born exactly one year apart. God even things out for me and I am blessed and proud and content. Although both boys are very different; one seriouse and one very silly I could not love one any more than the other.

Aimee - posted on 05/03/2010

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No ive never felt that way but i know that that baby inside u is ur blood too and the same feelings will be there soon. Ur daughter will be fine and yes its gonna be a change but u have too make her feel its a good change. only u can do that

Ashley - posted on 05/02/2010

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I have two girls they are 18 month apart to the day.. my oldest was born Nov 6th 2007 and my youngest was born May 6th 2009 I found out i was pregnant with the second about 2 weeks after our oldest's first birthday I was 15 weeks by then so needless to say it cut down our prep time for another baby by a few months I was so scared kept thinking man how can i give two of them the same love give them everything they want?? but when the second was born it turned out its not that hard you love them both they same they are your children my best advice for giving them the same amount of time is try to get them doing stuff at the same time like if your feeding baby # 2 make sure oldest is eating or having a snack or maybe even helping you if your bottle feeding even breast feeding the oldest could help by putting a blanket on little brother or sis.. when baby # 2 isnt still in the newborn stage have them play on the floor together so your active in both games well baby is doing tummy time that gives you a chance to do a puzzle with your big girl .. i hope this helped even a little bit .. if you do want someone to talk to you can alway message me

Jody - posted on 05/02/2010

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thank you so much everyone for your help, advice and kind words. You really have made me feel better xxx

Kristin - posted on 05/01/2010

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Totally normal! Definitely take a deep breath, relax, these hormones are making you a bit emotional. This will pass, kind of. We all have these thoughts and probably still do for a long time after the baby comes. Just love your daughter for who she is, spend time with her alone as you can, and enjoy what she brings to your life. The same applies to the new baby.



I've got two boys and right now I could walk out the door I'm so annoyed with them. But, it would be easier to rip out my own heart I love them so. I felt the same way when we found out about the second pregnancy. Then the baby came, it was overwhelming and then we found our rhythm. The only time you may feel short of love for your kids is when you need time for yourself.



Before the baby comes, try to do something special to mark the passing of her time as an only child. She really won't understand, but it's more for you and daddy.

Cindy - posted on 05/01/2010

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Oh wow :) Talk about not trusting the way of life :) I am teasing a little bit, but there is some truth to that. This is the process of life, for women to have children, and the best part is, we can have more than one! This is a blessed event! To carry children and to give birth are such wonderful blessings, and we are designed to love them all, just the same. Your daughter will have her special relationship with you, just as you will with a new child as well, and any others you may have after that.
I imagine these are normal feelings, and I have not yet had a second child, but I will admit that I too, have the same fears, but then again, I am also religious, so I find comfort in my faith, but faith aside, the fact is, that you WILL love a new child no less, no more, just different. We love all people differently because they are all different from each other.
Congratulations on a new coming baby!
BTW, this is also a GIFT to your daughter as well. She will LOVE the new baby and it will be a blessing in the big picture. I hope you find peace in your heart, I really do.

Jane - posted on 05/01/2010

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i felt guilty too. but there is going to be so much more love in your house when the baby comes. i know it's hard to imagine it b/c your love is so huge for your girl, you can't imagine it being any more. when i was about to pack up our 2nd to bring her home, i panicked. i literally said to myself, "maybe i can leave her here while i go home and explain everything to our daughter." seriously. she was 18 months at the time. they are so happy w/each other and all they do is giggle all day long together and they love to cuddle at nap time.

i think we all feel this way. i'm 10 weeks w/our 3rd and i don't feel it this time around. i guess b/c i know what's ahead and things will be all the more loving.

Melissa - posted on 05/01/2010

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Yes I felt that way before having my second child. I was so afraid of my son not getting to spend as much time with me as before. It is an adjustment but my son and daughter love each other so much even though they are only 3yrs old and 7 months old. I couldn't imagine it any other way. You will figure out how to juggle your time and you will get to see what a great big sister your daughter will be. Good luck!

Jody - posted on 05/01/2010

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aww thank you everone for all this positive words. Its making me feel better :-) xxx

[deleted account]

My girls are 22 months apart my youngest 14 months old...I cant believe I had the same worries you had. When the baby comes theres nothing like it. Watching them together is a joy. Not to mention my girls are VERY attached to eachother and protective. Dont feel guilty. Things will turn out better then you can believe.

Jody - posted on 05/01/2010

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thank you so much. Im glad im not a looney going mad and not alone. I just hope these feelings fade soon as they are making my so depressed

Audra - posted on 05/01/2010

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i felt the same way when i was pregnent with my second one but when you have both babies in your life you realize there is never a lack of love the love spues out everywhere like a broken water line you don't have anything to worry about and i'm sure when your daughter gets older she will appricate having that sibling to play with lots of luck to you

Lucille - posted on 05/01/2010

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its very normal.... and right now you cant understand how you will ever love your new baby like your little girl..... but i promise your love expands....you dont love her less... God just gives you more love to go around when the new baby gets here :) I had my second baby 4 months ago and its great having 2... the first couple of weeks you have to get used to spilting your time between the 2. but its awsome i promise!

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