Parenting Styles

Jessica - posted on 08/13/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I have a one year old daughter and a partner that works a 60-65hour week on average. What I want to know is what different parenting styles do people use? We are discussing having another baby but I worry that I wont be able to juggle two kids. What works best for you, strict parenting or organised chaos? Do you have a daily routine you implement including outside play, arts & crafts, etc. (I know mums that run there house like a daycare and it seems to work well for them and the kids) or do you go with the flow?

I suffer from anxiety and depression so really like to be in control which is obviously not possible with kids so I really want to know how people manage having more than one. Any advise is welcome. Thanks!

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Stacey - posted on 08/13/2009

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I try to have a routine as much as possible. there are days it does not work,but for the most part it does. i find it helps with sleep. I tell my husband what we do when he is not there and how it works and he usually will go with the flow. I make it clear who the parents are also and set limits. Good Luck..

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Andromeda - posted on 08/14/2009

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Hi! For me,strict parenting is a must with my DS(4yrs). He is on a strict routine every day and it doing absolutely fine with it. In the mornings he gets up,makes his bed,eats breakfast,takes his vitamins,brushes his teeth,gets dressed, and then we go from there. I have tried the "daycare" parenting and honestly my son CAN NOT handle the "freeness" of it all. I tell DH that he would be great in the military! My son knows that he is the child in our household and we are the parents who love him,discipline him, and teach him every day.He does push his limits from time to time but as long as there is consistency in what we tell him he eventually gets over it. You must be consistent.. take control and don't let the child tell YOU what they want,you are their parent and it is up to you to make the best decision for them at this age. Good luck and I hope you find what works best with your little one :)

Rachel - posted on 08/13/2009

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Ok so i have 5 kids their ages are 1yr 5, 7, 11, 12 so yeah it is always a challenge and no matter what parenting style you use it really depends on the child for exaple my 12 yr old is pretty self sufficent but she needs guidence and rules and as long as she follows them I go with the flow but my 5 yr old need a routine or nothing gets done so with him we have a very rigours routine and that works for him my other kids are go with the flow and laid back but llike I said it depends on the parent and the child and what will work for you so try some stuff oout dont be afraid to say hey this is not working for me and try something new and yes it will be busy and you will stress but at the end of the day it is all worth it!!

Jane - posted on 08/13/2009

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my husband and i have OPPOSITE parenting styles. he has no schedule, no routine and no stomach for discipline. when i give our 2 year old a time out for hitting her little sister or running into the street, he thinks i'm being mean. as a result our 2 yr old listens to me, no problem but when my husband is around or takes her someplace, she's a wild child. he is an amazingly wonderful and loving father who makes them giggle like crazy. if you do better when organized then it can only help your day go more smootly than not. just leave room for chaos. i think routines are great for kids. they need them, it helps them feel secure and to learn. they learn w/repetition. don't worry too much about keeping on schedule to the very second and the same time every day and focus on the routine. i have a niece who gets very nervous when the schedule isn't kept, she doesn't know what to do and she ends up not enjoying things when it's a holiday or a vacation. our second girl is 7 months and the first 3 months were tough. i only managed to nurse her for 3 weeks. but after the 3 month point i realized one day that i did have a good routine going and i was doing fine. my husband is more often not home than he is home and when he is home it's usually chaos so i enjoy the routine that i can manage and when chaos breaks out, i just let them have their fun and take a lot of deep breaths . i was all hung up on the schedule for a while and then decided the routine was much more key for me. as my mother says, "you do what works. just don't expect it to work the next time." since you have anxiety and depression, just be sure to leave room for chaos and ask for help when you need it. your daughter can help more than you realize. my 2 year old is a great diaper-getter and bottle-carrier. and she is awesome at letting me know when her little sister needs a diaper change. you're not alone!

Jessica - posted on 08/13/2009

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Thanks for the help ladies. Our daughter is very active, was walking at 8months, and its hard to keep her entertained. I live in Australia and for the first time on normal tv we had 'John & Kate Plus Eight' last night and I was facinated. I cant imagine how I would manage that but she seemed to have everything under control. How do you mothers do it? My main worry about having another baby is chasing around a very active by then 2 year old and managing a new born and the sleepless nights. Everyone I have talked to tells me you cope because you have to. I guess I just have to take the plunge and go with the flow.

Thanks again ladies.

Laura - posted on 08/13/2009

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When school starts up again there will be more of a routine going on, like him getting up in time, getting dressed, clothes out the night before, lunch made the night before, backpack ready at the door, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, wash face, get shoes on walk him to school, then me look for work while he is at school. I know it is summer right now, I am a little more lenient, he goes to bed at 9pm. He will have a bath, for half hour, get into his pj's and get his blanky and special stuffed animal and snuggle up on the couch to watch a movie before bed. Lunch is lunch time, dinner is dinner time. I read to him before bed, then talk a little, then I hug and kiss him goodnight and I tell him "I love you my beautiful angel". Depending on the weather I go to the park, usually in the afternoon, sometimes after dinner to get his energies out. I make crafts with him or I let him on the computer for a little while, while I clean my house, sometimes he will even help. It all depends, sometimes he is more interested in helping me cook and clean, than other days. If he is doing something innappropriate then I tell him to stop saying that, and tell him why to stop saying that. If he does it again then I tell him again, if he does it again then he gets a time out. Everyday is a new day. The basic routine is in place. Get up, eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, wash face. Then whatever planned, for the morning, then have lunch, then whatever we want to do in the afternoon... then dinner then the evening/bed routine.

Amanda - posted on 08/13/2009

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i stick to the daycare thing sort of. I have a 16 month old and a 5 year old. breakfast is t 7:30, snack is at 9:30, lunch is at 11:30, naptime is noo to 3pm then snack, and dinner at 5 followed by bath and bed. It works great for our family, but everyone is different and the kids are different. mine were started on a schedule the day they came home from the hospital i started working on it just because my husband works weird hours and i like to spend time with him when he gets home and not have to worry about anything else and the kids are ready for bed after daddy has been home for about an hour. they are so used to it the baby will go to his room as soon as lunch is done and wait by his crib for me to put him down for a nap. its all about the kids and how they are. my 2 are so different its unreal. the baby loves to be busy and gets into everything and my 5 year old would rather color, read or just hang out helping me

Tangi - posted on 08/13/2009

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Hi Jessica! To me, strict parenting is the best way to go no matter how many kids you have. I wouldn't call it Strict, to me it's Smart. Not only that, it secures your kids safety. You have to be in control of your kids or things will be more difficult. Just think, Kate have 8 and still living :) I think some routines aren't necessary depending on what's going on. There are things you can do where you can go with the flow and some require routine. It depends on your mood and your schedule as well. The less of a plan and help you have, the more stressing it will be. Remember, stress kills and you don't need that all the time. Good luck!!

Heather - posted on 08/13/2009

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Jessica,

Hey sweetie, things will come naturally. Every child is different and I feel that you need to parent each child individually. I have two children, a son who is 18 now and a daughter who is 17. My son was a handful! Always on the go and into EVERYTHING. My girl, on the other hand, was completely content to play by herself and just wanted to cuddle a lot. As far as discipline, we had to find what worked for each of them. Jerrod couldn't stand to be in time out, but Joclynn would just make shadow puppets on the wall or sing to herslef. Joclynn thought that not having sweets was the end of the world whereas Jerrod couldn't care any less about that. I also have 76 nieces and nephews, yes a very large family, and not one of them is like anyone else.

My husband and I sat down and discussed the "big" things such as what religion to raise them, weather or not to buy thier first car, etc. but for the little day to day stuff, the pretty much tell you how and what works best for them.

I hope that this helps. Good luck. Children are a gift from GOD and all we can do is love them and do our best by them.

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