"part-time" dad decided he wants to start picking up our 7mo. old

Theresa - posted on 12/07/2009 ( 3 moms have responded )




Since birth, I have been the one caring for our 7 month old daughter. I'm a stay at home mom and breastfeeding(no bottles) so there is a HUGE attatchment between my daughter and I. She is now working her way through her baby purees twice a day.
Her father is constantly "busy" and lives out of town so he doesn't see her too often. But now that she is beginning to eat other foods he is asking to start taking her back to his house.
I still keep in contact with members of his family and always offer to bring the baby over for a visit. (with mommy). Baby's need to eat MORE THAN TWICE A DAY- Duh!
Besides that, she barely knows him. Yes, he see's it as he's her dad, and he should be able to take her whenever he wants. But for the baby, it's a stranger taking her away from her mommy to a new environment. She has only been away from me twice. Both times she cried and cried untill I got home.
She used to take bottles when in the mood, but now, it's a lost cause.

I don't feel at all like i'm being unreasonable. He is always welcome in my home and I am constantly offering to bring her over to see his family.

My suggestion was:
1) come visit at my house so she gets to know you in an enviroment she is comfortable in.

2) then spend time alone with her at my house. I'll leave the house. (i figure she'll get used to being alone with him in "her " territory.

3) THEN take her out!



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Renae - posted on 12/08/2009




If I was in your shoes, there is no way I would let him take her. Does he have any idea how often babies eat. But you know what, if he took her once I wonder if he would ever do it again, does he have the slightest clue what to do with a baby???? He absolutely has to come to your house and he can care for her while you are there. I reckon he has no idea. BTW dont let his family tell you that all babies will take a bottle if she's hungry enough, so many people say that and its NOT true. We tried to give my baby a bottle every day since 6 weeks and he NEVER drank it even after hours and hours and even when the specialist feeding team at hospital tried.

You are being totally reasonable. Dont let him bully you.

Rebecca - posted on 12/07/2009




Sounds like the advice i was going to give but you already have suggested it. If you can go to his place maybe if you are comfortbale with it so when she does end up there alone with him she wont be scared. If he wont come to yuo and he wants contact then there has to be a middle. Does he pay child support? If not then i would tell him it's your way or no way. If he des theny ou might have to bend some and get her used to his environment for her sake.

Good luck!

[deleted account]

I don't think you are at all unreasonable. My MIL always thought I was unreasonable for not allowing my infant (who was also nursing) to stay over night with her. The baby has to eat! However, if you do let him take her out and she cries then he will see what are you are talking about! Hopefully after that he will be willing to do things your way. I commend you for keeping him and his family in the baby's life.

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