Playing with a child who tends to bully and take...

Jen - posted on 04/01/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )




How would you address this situation - my closest friend (who happens to be a neighbor) has a son 1 month younger than mine. They will be 3 in July and August. My son is fairly passive, hers is a 'taker' and a bit of a 'bully'. Constantly taking whatever toy my son is playing with, which most of the time is an identical toy to what hers is playing with. (I have duplicate toys for this reason) I am trying to teach my son about sharing, but it is getting to the point that they can't even play together for 5 minutes without hers throwing a fit because he wants whatever toy mine has and as soon as he gets it he wants whatever new toy my kiddo has.

She normally scolds him and tries to 'reason' with him but it obviously isn't working and it is making it difficult for me to be friends with her because I feel like I am punishing my kid every time they play together and we leave because I am tired of dealing with it. I have told my son a couple of times to take the toy back, but I am having a hard time encouraging that because I don't want 'standing up for yourself' to go too far. Plus, I am scared that when he enters pre-school in the fall that he will be the one that gets in trouble because he FINALLY stood up for himself and took a toy back that was taken from him!



View replies by

[deleted account]

My son is pretty passive too. I have taught him to say "No, wait your turn. I am playing with this right now." I realize that the other child may try to take the toy by force, but I want my son to learn how to use his words. I have also told him to tell a grown up if the child doesn't listen or does something to hurt him.

Merry - posted on 04/01/2010




unfortunately my son is just like yours! he is always getting his toys taken and hes only 1! i hope i can get a hold of how to handle this before he getts too much older. but thankfully i will be homeschooling him so all of his child to child interactions will be in my sight in years to come!

Christy - posted on 04/01/2010




I think this is a great learning opportunity. Let him take the toy back. That is not going too far. Have yours explain as he is taking it it is HIS TURN. Taking turns/sharing is so hard at this age. My son takes away things from others, too and I am working so hard with him to share and take turns. It is taking a long time but he is catching on. Also, tell the other kid it's "your kid's turn" and take the toy, be sure you explain before hand to the mom that you are teaching your kid to share and take turns. Maybe this will help.

Jen - posted on 04/01/2010




Thanks Sarah! I have already limited play dates with just the 2 of them. Most of the time they are playing outside with the older kids but then they gravitate to each other because they are the only ones that age playing (the other kids are 5-10). The park was even a disaster the other day when we tried that! ugh!! What makes it even harder is that the mom is someone who can never be wrong, even with her own husband, and so trying to approach the topic with her is surely going to offend her even when she has said that her kid is a bit of a bully. I have decided that fate intervened when we couldn't get them enrolled at the same pre-school, I am glad that they won't be going to school together!

Sarah - posted on 04/01/2010




Oh My .. Been there before , not fun I know ... You should tell her that because of thier differences in how they play, you would like to give them a 'break' from eachother for a little ... then ... just don't offer many play dates anymore . You need to tell her that you don't want your son to play that way, and that her son is going to influence him, and you are not having it. Explain that it's nothing personal, and boys will be boys ( just not your's:) I had to do it with my neighbor ... and she got a little upset, but oh well ... you don't want her son, to influence your sons developing personality! I wish you luck ... Maybe days at the park, or something like that would be better for the two of them ...?

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms