Postpartum: anger towards my husband

Darleen - posted on 10/02/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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We have a 12 week old baby boy. He was born with underdeveloped lungs at 37 weeks. He was admitted to the neonatal ICU until he could breath on his own. The start of parenthood was extremely stressful and it took some time until I could even bond with my baby. I had the baby blues from the day he came home. After a couple of weeks I was feeling happier and some love towards my baby.
Today I really love him but I've told my husband that I need to get away, alone. I told him I'd feel good being isolated. I've also been very angry towards him since we got home with the baby. I don't feel I love him like I used to. If anything I'm satisfied enough with my baby's company, love and dependency. I've told my husband that I really don't need him anymore. Everything he does irritates me. Especially when he smokes pot to deal with stressful situations. I've told him repeatedly that I don't want drugs around us (especially that I always used too to cope with things and for leisure). I find it almost unfair that he can use and I can't (due to breastfeeding). He tells me he can do whatever he wants because he is the man of the house. He yells at me and just doesn't understand me so I just rather not converse with him about any of my feelings anymore.
I hang out with my mom and his a lot but I don't tell them about this (my feelings, his actions).
Should I be speaking to a therapist?

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Aide - posted on 10/28/2013

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It most definitely will not get better until you talk to someone. I know with my first daughter just the sight of my husband irritated me. I was angry that I had to do all the hard work alone while he sat around gaming. But one day we talked I let it all out and we've been good since then. All it takes is some communication.

Alison - posted on 10/03/2013

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You should talk to your doctor about your depression. It's more common than you might think and your doctor can help you. It's hard to have a baby in the NICU, both of mine were born early and had to be in the NICU. Parenthood is tough and you and your husband won't see eye to eye on everything. Maybe you could read a parenting book together and maybe your mother or your mother-in-law could watch your baby while you go do something for you--even shopping by yourself or laying in the sun for 20 minutes can do wonders. I wouldn't give up on your marriage yet unless he's being abusive or the environment is unsafe for your child. Your hormones are all crazy right now and it's an adjustment for both of you. Good luck.

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