Potty training is driving me nuts

Jasmine - posted on 06/25/2012 ( 15 moms have responded )

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We tried undies in the past with our daughter but she was having a lot of accidents so we backed off for a little while plus I got sick of cleaning up pee all the time. She'll be 3 in November and I have tried cloth diapers (I have them since I use CD's on my 6 month old) as well but she does not seem to really care when she is wet or poopy. The only time she'll say something is when she is in undies and pee is running down her legs. I decided to give undies another try today and we had one success on the potty. She also had 2 successes in the past but doesn't always want to sit. I made a big deal about it and told her I was proud of her. Then the accidents just kept on coming and I started to lose my temper. I had put down plastic sheeting to try and protect our rugs and told her she couldn't sit on the couch in undies until she started using the potty. I'm not proud of myself today and I got really frustrated with her. My husband thinks we just need to stay consistent with the underwear and after a few days she'll learn, but it's a pain cleaning up after her and I have a 6 month old who sometimes freaks out when I have to put her down to help her older sister with the potty ARGGH!!

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Melissa - posted on 06/27/2012

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Many children are ready to potty train in the 2's but many aren't ready until the 3's. Save yourself frustration and try again in a few months while talking to her about the benefits to being a big girl instead of a baby.

Nina - posted on 06/28/2012

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She might just need more time before starting the training. Put her in a pull up and make sure to initiate going to the toilet. Make sure to take every two hours when she pees and if she does not pee then take 30 minutes later after the unsuccessful try. Eventually she will get the hang of it and you will be able to transition her into underwear. This is what I did with my three year old who was trained recently at 2 and a half. I still take her every three hours and sometimes she initiates going.

Michelle - posted on 06/25/2012

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First off your husband is right you need to stay consistent or you are giving her mixed messages. Get her a little potty that she can get on and off of herself this will help lots. Explain to her that pee goes in the potty then reward her for her efforts in the beginning it will be hit and miss but you will get more hits then misses in just a few days. We let my daughter have 1 smartie if she just sat on the potty but did not pee, and she got 4 if she did so the incentive to actually go on the potty was there. Once she was pee trained we then started on the pooping on the potty this one is a little harder, I made her a chart that had the days of the week for two full weeks on it and taped a picture of a prize that she really wanted for her it was a microphone this was incentive enough for her to want to fill her chart with stickers so she could get the microphone she was poop trained in about 5 days and so far she is doing great.

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Angela - posted on 07/03/2012

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You shouldn't let it bother you! She isn't ready. Keep her in diapers. Getting upset with her will only scare her and make her not want to. She's not going to be the first kid in the world to never use the potty. Sounds like your husband has all these ideas and he's not around to help so what does he know. You're the one who is home and has to deal with it. Your damaging your relationship with your daughter over something silly. She'll do it when she's ready. Until then just have fun with her. Soon she'll be using the potty and then all of a sudden she won't want your help for anything anymore...

Kathrin - posted on 07/02/2012

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We had a hard time, too, when she was about 2,5 years old. I ended up bribing her with sweets. She doesn't get a lot of sweets in general - so gummy bears did the trick for #1. For #2, it took a long time and she would still poop in her underwear... I often said I wanted to go back to diapers... But don't: that's sending mixed messages... Finally candy did the trick with #2. She will still occasionally ask for a gummy bear after #1 or a candy after #2, but very often she goes without asking for either one...

Heaven - posted on 07/01/2012

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I've tried to start potty training for my oldest multiple times in the past year. He's 3 1/2 now and fully understands when he has to go; he'll let me know as he's going then laugh because he thinks it's funny. Even in the tub, 2 feet from his potty seat he'll simply stand up, grin at me and then pee; when I tell him to stop peeing and go to the potty he'll go over, sit down, act like he doesn't have to go anymore, then come back and pee in the tub.



On top of him thinking it's all a big game in anything but my favor, my husband and MIL are constantly and consistently sabotaging my efforts. My MIL will take him and then never make an effort to get him to the potty but has no problem bringing back to me to change his diaper or she'll take him out and not make time for the potty even though I've explained thoroughly the importance of getting him there on time. She's also perfectly content to lecture me about how to potty train a child every so often even though she completely fails to demonstrate any working knowledge on her part. My husband simply refuses to get up and help get him to the potty once every hour if I can't do it, but he never ceases to moan and complain through every single diaper change even when he's not the one doing the changing(which is most of the time.) I keep telling him that if he'd actually help me then he wouldn't have to change the kid's diapers anymore, to which he freaks out into an 'I don't need this!' fit. I'm not the kind of wife who nags a lot and I generally tend to support his 'him' time but whenever I bring up anything about how I need help he throws giant man-fits.



I found out I was pregnant only a short time after we started potty training(I'd been putting it off because of a soon expected future move.) This last pregnancy was really rough on me, I was in pain and tired a lot as well as having severe and uncontrollable gestational diabetes for the last half of it so I really needed him to help when he was home. I simply didn't have the energy to keep up with the messes, the changing and all the trips to the bathroom all day long; not to mention that he always woke up earlier than me and thus was the only one who could catch the morning potty time. Now our new baby is here and breastfeeding which leaves me even less time. Our son thinking that going in his pants is funny means that someone HAS to get up and make him sit on the potty(he'll just throw a fit and run off into another room when you ask him to use his potty) but I spend the majority of my day nursing the little one and my husband simply won't help. I lost my temper with the whole situation about a month ago, stripped my son, and put him in underwear on 3 day weekend when I knew my husband wouldn't be working so that he'd either be forced to get up and put him on the potty or be forced to clean up the mess as a consequence for not helping. Grocery day happened to coincide with that weekend and I didn't have a choice but to go because we didn't really have much of anything to eat. I left our son at home and took the baby with me. When I got home our son was wearing a diaper full of pee instead of his big boy undies and it was all I could do to keep myself from going into a complete meltdown. Had I not been conscious of my infant son's presence and my desire to not make him terrified of me I would have. Since that day I've all but given up short of reminding my son that he needs to tell me when he needs to go so that I can get him there. He's only let me know a couple of times and he usually only goes enough in the potty to get praise and a sticker then he empties himself into his pull-up a few minutes later.



I'm the one who has to deal with the dirty looks and snide comments from family friends, neighbors, and relatives(because the majority of them seem to believe that if anything goes wrong in child rearing the burden of responsibility is strictly on the mother) when they notice that he's still in training pants. It's humiliating for me because he's been completely ready for over a year now and would be potty trained if I had just a little bit of cooperation; never mind the fact that very soon he won't fit in the training pants anymore. I'm getting to the point where it's no longer humiliation, it's just complete defeat and depression.

Beth - posted on 06/28/2012

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When my son was her age, we were in the same boat. He didn't totally get it, and didn't need reminders to go, until he was about 3 1/2. I don't mean to be discouraging, but you've got some time in front of you. Consistency is a big factor, but also not getting angry about accidents, because that makes it harder for them to really get the hang of it. I don't know how you feel about disposables, but Pull Ups were a bit lifesaver for me. It is a pain to clean up accidents, trust me I know! But, try to remember it's only temporary, and she won't do this for the rest of her life. Patience and consistency...you'll both feel a lot better about it.

Amanda - posted on 06/28/2012

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I know exactly what you are going through. My daughter had a hard time with potty training. When she was about 3 we tried to start training her but she wouldn't have it. We switched to Pull-Ups and let me tell you, that was a waste of money. She wore them for a whole year and basically treated them like diapers. (Those things aren't cheap!) But anytime we would attempt to potty train her, she would fight it. Once she turned 4, I had enough. I got her some underwear. The underwear made no difference to her. She still continued to go in them. I remember being so frustrated that I posted on Facebook one day: "Is it possible to hire someone to potty train your child because apparently I am an epic failure at it." It was going on summertime so I found a bunch of dresses on clearance and bought them for her. I let her run around in them with nothing underneath and that did the trick. Maybe give it a try with your little girl? And hang in there. Eventually it WILL happen. :)

Brittany - posted on 06/27/2012

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My daughters 2.5 and I've been potty training on and off since she turned one. (didn't say steady with it due to my deployed husband and moving). After her father was back home and we were moved into our somewhat stable home, until he was to deploy again, i began potty training again around 1.5 i would put her on the potty every so often and adjust the frequency on her peeing but somehow i always seem to be to early or too late or she wouldn't want to sit on the potty. I got frustrated and decided to give it a break. I began potty training again around 2 and started off with undies this time, well same thing began happening, to early, to late, or she didn't want to sit on the potty. So i switched her to pull ups because i was tired of the messes. After awhile i finally started to notice my daughter was very private and if she was on the potty she wanted to be alone. So i began to let her run around nude and whenever she had to go potty she would rush in there on her own, with out telling me, and go potty. Now she goes potty 100% of the time if we are home, she even runs to the bathroom telling me she has to go potty, i am just working on getting her to tell me when we are in public.
Every child is different, you just have to try different things and see what works best for her. (read to her on the potty if you have to, sing to her, get her a potty watch that goes off every so often and reminds her to go potty, there are many little things to try,)

Catherine - posted on 06/27/2012

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I've got 4 children, and they've all been different. With less than 6 years between eldest and youngest, I have definitely been where you are.
In fact, the second child was fully toilet trained (wee and poo) before the eldest would poo on the toilet - now that is a long story with lots of drama!
We went through major dramas with every stage of toilet training for my eldest. At 3 1/4 we had to force the issue somewhat as she was due to start a pre-school programme and they had to be at least wet trained.
The second however, did it herself. Eldest was 3 1/2, second was 2 1/3 and new baby (days old) was breastfeeding so I was somewhat stuck on the couch. Second child says " I do wees", sat down on the potty that was hanging around in the family room, and did just that. All I could think was "I hope she doesn't poo too, 'cause I can't really get up quickly enough to help her clean up" - it was all good though.
The upshot is, they will do it when they are ready and no amount of frustration or forcing on your part will speed that. The more calm and relaxed you are about it, the quicker they seem to get it.
And don't be above bribes if that's what works for your child. It was certainly the only thing that got our eldest started (she got a lolly each time she did a wee on the toilet; she hated the potty so went straight to the big option). I was initially against bribes, as I thought she would become reliant on them, but within a few days we were able to only give her a lolly sometimes, and within a few weeks they were no longer needed.
So relax, as my MIL says (mother of 5) - none of them go to school still in nappies!

Jennifer - posted on 06/27/2012

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I have been there with a newborn and a 2 year old!
You changing way too much. I say go to undies during the day (keep diapers as back up for nights and when you go out). Does she KNOW when she's going? My son had an issue with that he didn't recognize when he went. If that's the case stick a dress on her and nothing underneath that way when she goes she'll know and then put words to what's going on. "Oops, you went pee pee."
Set a timer as well to go off every 30-60 minutes let her know what it's for and even if she says no, "No, let's go potty the timer says it's time to go."
Bribes are always good! Try coins, stickers, candy, tickets, WHATEVER she's in to. I mean my son loves spongebob so when he went potty on in his potty chair he got a spongebob sticker to put on it and he LOVED IT! We're still working on nights but the days are good and accident free after about 5 months of training.
Stock up on cleaning supplies and make her help clean up! Vinegar and lemon scented stuff was my best friend those days! Keep going and don't go back to diapers!

Bethany - posted on 06/26/2012

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I honestly can't remember the details of my Daughter's potty training, from start to finish, and it was only in the last year! haha, Maybe I've blocked it out. haha.



I just remember including it in the routine. When we get up in the morning, we sit on the toilet/potty. Also, before any nap, and before bed. Any wee? Great! No wee? Oh well. If I'd go to the toilet, I'd say "I got a wee! what do I do!" and she'd "say run to the toilet!" and we'd go together. Then if she had a wee she'd say the same and run to the toilet/potty. She still runs down the hall saying "mum, I got a wee!!"



Once she was physically able to climb onto the step stool and perch on the toilet, I ditched the potty. Then, if wee or poo went in the toilet, she got to flush the button, but if mummy had to tip the wee or poo from the potty into the toilet, mummy flushed the button (BIG deal made of this honor) she had a toddler seat that went on the toilet, but doesn't need that now she can reach the stool with her feet while sitting.



That's really been her only reward ever. God forbid I accidentally flush the toilet when it was her turn! OMG, the theatrics!



So, that started around 2, and by about 2.5, she was out in undies. I took lots of spares, along with pants, socks, etc, (for her, and for all her little friends whose mums didn't have any spares)She rarely wears anything at home, she's a bit of a nudie. Now she's 3.5 and has a nappy overnight as she still doesn't get the signal when she's asleep, but never through the day. we get a couple of accidents a week, mostly at home, and if she's engrossed in a tv show. I rolled all the living area rugs up last year, just so over cleaning them of food and wee, etc. So it's all polished timber, so no biggy to clean up.



When we're out, if I know we won't be near a toilet, I put her on the toilet when I get the oppirtunity and say " this is our opportunity to go, so see if there's anything you can put in there and then you can flush it, or else I'll flush it" She loves flushing different toilets, so tries her best. I don't do this too often, I don't want to mess with her bladder capacity, but it's a good skill to have if you need it.



I dont' remember poop training her separately, she just went and whatever came out came out. Kept her diet pretty stable with plenty of veges and fruit and water so poos came out easily.

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At JcPenny there are thick undies for toddlers. I use those for my 2.5 year old. It is a slow process. I have a sticker chart for when she uses the potty with dry undies. I remind her to use it every hour as well as before and after meals. She wears diapers during nap, while we are out, and at night.

I'll agree cleaning up the pee is a pain, but once she is ready, it will happen less.

Get a potty seat she can get on and off by her self. Start her out only wearing undies, no pants, after a week add the pants. She will have more accidents after the pants are added, but after a few days that should decrease. At the start expect up to 5 accidents a day, sometimes more depending on how much she drinks.

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