problem with my 2 year old and 9 month old

Jennifer - posted on 05/01/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my 2 year old soon to be 3,, is always being mean to my 9 months old when i am looking and when im not looking! i dont like yelling at him but there are times where he really hurts him! my husband says my 9mth is just being a cry baby and wants his mommy,,but i just dont know what to do anymore because theres time where i have to get cooking done or cleaning or something done in the house! any advice?

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Jonna - posted on 05/01/2010

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I have a 2 year old and a 9 month old... basically they do they same thing, only my baby hardly ever cries about it, so I don't catch my older son everytime. I use timeouts for my 2 year old, and when that doesn't work, I give him constructive things to do near where I am trying to work. Chores always seem to work for kids of any age! Good Luck.

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Joanna - posted on 05/02/2010

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sounds to me like he's jealous of the baby. I would try doing the famous timeout for behavior and reward him for good behavior. try talking to him and tell him if he does not hit his brother the whole day you will do something special for him maby go out for ice cream or something....well good luck

Veronica - posted on 05/02/2010

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i rekon the best thing to do would be, spend equal time with both children, start off by playing with them at different times, then slowly bring the two together to play .
adventually your 2 yr old will getthe msg that he is just as important as your 9mth old.
my bet would be 2yr old child feels left out and is going thru a stage that all children go thru when another baby is in the picture.

well good luck :)

*Lisa* - posted on 05/02/2010

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Oh my goodness! This brings back memories of my childhood! My brother and I are almost 2 years apart and he used to hit me allll the time! I would scream every time and I would end up getting in trouble because I was the one who screamed thus ruining the peace!! I always felt it was terribly unfair! My brother got in trouble for it too but it never stopped him. He just found picking on me so much fun, especially since he would always get such a reaction from me. Ha! My dad said the same thing about me! That I was being a cry baby! But I was so sick of being hit allll the time!
Anyway, all of that being said, I don't know how to fix it but I hope you can fix it before it becomes a serious problem!

Alyssa - posted on 05/01/2010

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Make him stay near you and have him do something. Keep them apart. Sounds like the older one is jealous and thats ok. I mean think about it he was getting all this attention and now hes not getting it all.

Kristin - posted on 05/01/2010

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Start putting the 2-3 year old into time out for unacceptable behavior. In our house, we've got rules. You know the standards and probably have them too. But, telling them to stop and enforcing are two different things. For things like hitting, kicking, biting, pushing, pulling, etc, you know the type of something where someone gets injured, there is no warning. It is getting sat down in the naughty spot, told why they are there, and the timer is set (one minute for each year). If they are foolish enough to get out of it, they get put back and the timer is restarted; as many times as necessary. Saying mean things, taking toys, outside voices, being disrespectful, etc. gets a warning and then the same thing. Unfortunately, you can only discipline him for what you actually see him doing. When they are playing together nicely, we always make sure to praise them for it and give a quick hug or kiss. The positive enforcement of good behavior works so much better than time outs alone.

Tell your husband that he needs to help you with teaching your older boy not to be a bully or abusive to kids younger and smaller than he is. Because, if he gets away with it at home, he will try it at school too. That could just get ugly, as he will either be the kid who has no friends/is the bully or get the tar beat out of him by a kids who just won't put up with his nonsense.

A 9 month old, is a baby and they cry. That's what happens when they are hurt or scared. His brother is either hurting him or scaring him, which is not okay.

Your older boy is probably acting out against the younger because of all the attention the baby is getting. Make sure to spend some quality one on one time with him too. But, be sure to be consistent with the rules and discipline. He is old enough to start learning how to be compassionate. That's where telling him that you understand that he is angry or sad or frustrated for whatever is really going to help you. You have to model much of what you want them to learn. You will also need to describe how what he's doing to you are the baby is making you feel. It is okay to say to him that his hurting the baby scares you which makes you angry and want to yell at him. Kids are scary smart cookies and will take any attention they can get. Even if it is negative.

When you need to cook or clean, can you sit the 9 month old someplace with a toy and get the other one to pick an activity to occupy himself with? This is only going to buy you about 10 minutes, but it's a start. Praise them for being such good boys if they let you get your work done and then play with them for a bit. You should be able to alternate between work and play for a while. I have been know to set the timer for them to know when it is their turn and then when their turn is up. Save bigger jobs for naptime/quiet time.

Hope this helps.

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