Pushy family members advice

Tamikka - posted on 01/30/2015 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I have family not supporting my decision to be a Sahm, saying I'm lazy and trying to help find a job for me, how can I dissolve this issue without hurting feelings or making the issue worst?

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Jodi - posted on 01/30/2015

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Well, if you and your partner (I'm assuming you have a partner supporting you?) have made this decision because you can afford to and because you want this for your children, then they have no right to say anything. So why are you allowing yourself to get upset by it if this is your decision? Tell them to mind their own business.

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Jodi - posted on 01/30/2015

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Ok, then that makes more sense. I was a little confused by the mixed messages in your posts. But maybe they are trying to encourage you guys to find a way to move out? Or pay them some rent?

Tamikka - posted on 01/30/2015

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My fiancé works 2 jobs, I work one part time.... I consider myself mostly a sahm however, but my family members outside of the home think I should do more not realizing my daughter is well taking care of despite losing my home w/ my fiancé after 6 weeks I was filling out applications trying to make a better life for my daughter and I never asked my family that I live with for a dime just shelter and a chance to get back on my feet b/c my lil girl deserves the best.

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2015

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Ok, sorry, I was under the impression you didn't because your OP said that your family think you are lazy and trying to find a job for you and you have described yourselves as both SAHM and that the family you are living with are supporting you. All of those things indicate that you don't have a job. SAHMs are people who stay at home with their children and don't generally have a job. So now I'm confused as to what the issue actually is.

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2015

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By you making a choice to go and get a job, you are not stopping him stepping up and being a better father. You are absolutely right, staying at home IS a luxury - and not one you can afford if neither you nor your partner have a job and are supporting your family yourselves. If others are supporting your family, not you and your partner, then yes, you should be looking for a job. Just as every other parent does. To sit back and say you deserve to be a SAHM while others are the ones supporting you is not appropriate.

Tamikka - posted on 01/30/2015

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No ones perfect but I'm giving him a chance to be a better father and man.our daughter already has something some kids don't have.... Unconditional love and being a stay at home mom is a luxury, and she deserves it just as any other child does and yea things might not be perfect but whose life is?

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2015

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Well, I'm sorry, but it sounds like NEITHER of you have the luxury right now of being SAHM. You have brought a child into the world, that is no longer an option. Both of you need to step up and support both yourselves and your baby before you even get a choice of staying at home with the baby.

Tamikka - posted on 01/30/2015

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We just went through a lot before I had the baby, we lost our home and now kinda starting over.... I felt like it was the best thing at the time though to move back home for awhile and let him get his mind right, so now I'm starting to see a change. However the family I'm living with supports me and he wants me to be a sahm too, I didn't want to at first scared of not being able to provide but he is definitely stepping up a lot here lately.

Jodi - posted on 01/30/2015

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So your partner is "starting to" do enough for you and your child. That's actually not good enough. It's his child too, right? He should have been doing enough from the outset, not because it is a new year mind set. If he isn't doing enough, and you are a SAHM, who is supporting you all? Are you living with these family members?

Tamikka - posted on 01/30/2015

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I have that kind of family that's hard to tell to mind there own business but your response is helpful at least someone sees the situation my way too. And I guess my family is worried that my partner isn't doing enough by the baby and me.

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