Quick Question...

Tegen - posted on 12/18/2009 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Jaelyn has been craving her fathers attention a lot more lately and has been really whiney when he is home. Is anyone else having that problem? I'm thinking it is because he works all day but on the other hand he should be spending more time with her. I am just upset at the situation because I know he works all the time but i think he could at least stay home until she goes to bed at night. She is eight months and i have had problems with him helping out since she was born. He does spend time with her but in like three or four minute incraments and he ends up getting frustrated with her . He has no patience what so ever... My mom is fed up with him because she sees what he is doing to our family but on the otherhand i always feel like I shouldn't feel this way because he is bringing home our income. Also, I am on anxiety medicine now because of the situation and losing a lot of wieght because i am stressed. I just want my daughter to have a good relationship with her father but i don't want to have to force it upon him. advice please?

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T - posted on 12/20/2009

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.A friend of mine had a similar thing happen to to her however; she had twins. Her husband told her that he didn't know how to interact with them since they were so little. plus he has very little patience. He told her that when they get older and he can play with them more, it will be better. Many times men aren't sure of how to interact esp if they have very little exp being around little ones. Have you tried asking for his help with a specific job? Men have a hard time knowing what to do on their own. It is just the gender thing. My husband watches me model things a lot before he does them,. I have had friends who's husbands have never helped out and to this day, they still don't. I put my husband to work since day one esp since I had no choice b/c I had a c- section. Many times husbands don't want to do stuff for us b/c they get the vibe that they aren't doing it right, so they are afraid to try something the next time and so on. My husband always says to me that I am too picky, and her feels that I don't like the way that he does things which many times I don't. But I am learning not to say anything when the dishes aren't all washed at once or there's water all over the counters afterwards. Hang in there. I was nursing my baby and that posed a bit of a problem in the beginning as my husband didn't know how he could be a part of things. Also, sometimes husbands have a difficult time adjusting to the decrease in attention that they get now that the baby is herel Having a baby is an adjustment for all. As hard as it is, try not letting your daughter see your stress. Put your energy in being a good mother and wife rather than using it to worry or be stressed. I know easier said then done, and parenting is exhausting. I'd avoid getting your mother invovled with the situation as thay will put more of a barrier between him and you which in turn could affect your daughter. Try ot go out for a walk or do something for yourself each day, it will make you feel better about yourself and release some stress too Take care. How is your husband's job, is he having prob there?

Tabitha - posted on 12/18/2009

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Hey mama, Some men have problems relating to their daughters or sons while they are so little. My husband is like that too, or was, he wouldn't change diapers for the longest time because he is a man and our babies are female. It made him feel uncomfortable. Does he love you? Does he want to take care of you and the baby? He is providing for you adn i have asked myself this before. I would hold in there if this is the only thing bothering you because in time things may change let her grow up a bit, its him that is losing the precious time with her. :) I wish you the best

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Jennifer - posted on 12/23/2009

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My husband was the same way for a while. My first two were from a previous relationship, and he always played with them. The youngest was also 11mo. when we met. When our son came it was like pulling teeth to get him to spend time with him. He never got up in the night with the baby, he never changed diapers, he never did anything. I couldn't even run into a store to grab one thing without taking our son, because my husband was affraid he would start crying in the car. It even got to the point where the baby would even experience stranger anxiety around him. At first it really stressed me out, but then as our son got older and could interact with him more, he started playing with him a lot more. Face it, men do not have the maternal instinct. I'm not saying it is right, or ok, but just give it some time. When she starts saying daddy, I love u, and giving him hugs and kisses, he will come around. Also, she may fuss more becasue he is stressed around her. Babies can sense stress and if you are trying to force her on him when he is scared, then that will make her cry and be fussy.

Jodi - posted on 12/20/2009

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Okay...wow on so many levels. First off, my daughter's name is Jaelyn and she's 9 months old. My husband goes to school during the day and works at night so he doesn't get to see her often. I too am on anxiety medication...albeit for a different reason. My daughter will have NOTHING to do with me when my husband is home, but he soaks it up as he wishes he could spend more time with her. My suggestion for you would be to a) realize that he helped you create this child and he needs to bring forth more than just money, he needs to invest his time as well. b) have you tried playing together as a family? You and the father on the floor with Jaelyn maybe rolling a ball back and forth, or tickling or whatever. You could lead by example in this situation and slowly give over more control to the father. I don't know if that would work or not, but it's just an idea. Best of luck!

[deleted account]

I went through this with my husband, the first eleven or so months he would get frusturated and he wouldn't want to spend alot of time with my daughter. I would be doing everything. Give him time, let her grow up and start crawling and walking and see if he changes, my husband did. If he doesn't change then you need to talk to him about it, tell him how you feel about how he treats your child. Tell him that it is his child to and you need him to help and be apart of her life, tell him that you understand that he works all day but he still has resposibilities when he get's home. I hope everything works out for you, just give it some time.

Hanan - posted on 12/19/2009

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well dear this is a typical man most men r the same they r not moms. when yr child is a little bit older i mean when she starts walking and talking he will notice her. now , for him, she is just a little doll who only eats , pees and cries. but u have to tell him her daily progress i.e. her first words, first laughs and so on , just to make him attached to her.i hope u all the luck in the world and try to take care of yr health for yr own baby sake she needs u now more than anything in the world.............GOOD LUCK

[deleted account]

He may be providing income but that doesn't excuse him from being active in his child's life. I have a friend with a similar type husband. One day their three year old said, "Daddy I love you but I don't like you because you don't do things with me." The next day he had off, he spent the entire day with her and did whatever she wanted to do (zoo, the park, etc.). Anyway, like the previous post, he may change when she gets older and he sees her need for his attention. Could you set up a time when you need to leave the house (hair cut, dr. apt.) and he has to be left alone with her? If he is by himself with her, and has no way out of spending time with her, he will work through the frustration and find common ground. I hope that works. Good luck Sweetie.

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