Real Relationships

Grace - posted on 04/11/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I'm not a person who needs tons of friends but I wish I could find just one person I could have a real friendship with . Does anybody else feel like this? I am busy with my baby so I don't have time for people who don't care and are fake! My time is valuable so I would like to spend the time I do get for a real friend!

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Grace - posted on 04/17/2013

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I see real relationships as people who care enough about me to call and want to talk or visit as much as I do. If I feel like I'm putting more effort into the friendship then they I feel under valued which is the same way you would feel in any relationship. I think that valuing yourself is healthy but I am learning that certain people care in their own way just not in the way I want at times .I see your point that one person can't really be there exactly in the way one wants in every aspect of your life because they are a different person and will never understand you or be there for you completely. I do have a lot of good people in my life including my awesome husband I was just having a bad day. Most of my friends are not in the area I live and I stay at home most of the time with my son. I don't get out to make new friends which is probably my own fault and my sister who I used to share with is out of my life currently. Im grateful for all the other people in my life though thanks for your post!

Grace - posted on 04/17/2013

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I see real relationships as people who care enough about me to call and want to talk or visit as much as I do. If I feel like I'm putting more effort into the friendship then they I feel under valued which is the same way you would feel in any relationship. I think that valuing yourself is healthy but I am learning that certain people care in their own way just not in the way I want at times .I see your point that one person can't really be there exactly in the way one wants in every aspect of your life because they are a different person and will never understand you or be there for you completely. I do have a lot of good people in my life including my awesome husband I was just having a bad day. Most of my friends are not in the area I live and I stay at home most of the time with my son. I don't get out to make new friends which is probably my own fault and my sister who I used to share with is out of my life currently. Im grateful for all the other people in my life though thanks for your post!

[deleted account]

How do you define a "real" relationship? I think all relationships are "real" in the sense that they are certainly not imagined...well, maybe in the case of mental illness or something, but the relationships we have with other people are just that--relationships.

Personally, I don't think you can find one, single friend who fills all of the roles we need in our social life. I think we need a variety of people in our lives.
For starters, you would never want one person to know everything you need to get out of your system socially--people who let others know everything about them are just ASKING to get hurt.
Instead, I have mommy friends--People I'm pretty much only friends with because we have kids the same age and they make the hours at the park a little more bearable and less lonely. We chat about superficial stuff to keep each other company while we push the kids on the swings or watch them play in the dirt.
I have party friends--they are great for a good time, but I don't know them well enough to open up to about personal worries or anxieties. I can let loose and get drunk with these girls without worrying about them posting pics online or blasting my reputation because they were out with me doing the exact same crap (we don't go too crazy of course, that would be asking for social stigma)
I have a small circle of close friends--these are friends who I feel like I can talk to without being judged. I keep several of these friends who do NOT know each other, rather than one single friend, because I do tell them very personal things, and I would not want any ONE person to know too much. Having several of these friends allows me to get everything I need to get out out without giving one person too much info.
Lastly, I have my psychologist and psychiatrist--these are docs bound to confidentiality by law. I can tell them anything and they cannot repeat it, use it against me, or judge me for it....well, I suppose they could judge, but if you choose good ones they won't, or if they do, they won't let you know they are judging.

I'm sure there are people in my life that I enjoy having around but have neglected to mention here, but I think this is a good bare essential list for any girl to have her social needs met.

Grace - posted on 04/16/2013

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Hi Delilah I wrote you a message but I'm not sure if it sent right would you like to be pen-pals?

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