Really??

Soleil - posted on 05/26/2010 ( 80 moms have responded )

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Okay, I get that we are all on here to get advice and chit chat and all, but I am not understanding everyone complaining about being home with their kids and their husbands not doing enough... You do not have to stay home, it is a choice, and if your kids could read, how bad do you think they would feel if they saw you saying you're "trapped" and "going crazy" and are "miserable" Having kids is hard, get over it. And the husband thing... just wondering, does your husband come home and ask you to help fill out his paperwork, or clean his office, or if he does construction does he ask you to help lay some concrete?? NO, he does his job and we do ours. Our job, when we choose to stay home is to take care of the kids and home, and his is to make money. If you don't like the arrangement, change it... oh, and how about having enough respect for your husband not to air your dirty laundry to a bunch of strangers on line...

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Dawna - posted on 05/28/2010

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"Our job, when we choose to stay home is to take care of the kids and home, and his is to make money."



I'd appreciate it if you didn't assume that all SAHMs think the way you do. My job, when I chose to stay home, was to care for my daughter. That is a full-time job itself. Adding on ALL other tasks of maintaining the home, with no expectation that the man should help, is unnecessarily causing too much stress for many women. If you like all that responsibility, so be it. But, I don't and my husband wouldn't dare place that all on my shoulders. We work as a team; we each have our day jobs, and we help each other care for the house.



It is a sad assumption that just because the man is earning the money, his job is more difficult than ours. And, while he may not ask me to do his job for him, asking a man to help maintain his home and care for his children outside of his work hours is not the same thing. My "job" ends when his does, then we are mutually parenting our child.



Also, many of the women who vent on here may not have chosen to be at home all day. There is a huge unemployment problem right now, and with the pay inequity (at least in the US), it is probably easier for many families to make ends meet if dad works. That doesn't mean they necessarily want it that way. Don't tell people to suck it up when you don't know their situation. Yes, parenting is hard. Maybe these people vent here because they have nowhere else to vent, and everyone needs to vent their frustrations somewhere to avoid damaging themselves. If you don't like those posts, don't read them. But don't think that you are being any more mature by creating a post that merely judges and derides others and tries to force your opinion of how families should work on everyone else.

Lisa-Marie - posted on 05/26/2010

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I understand what you are saying but just like any job - even if we love it - can sometimes get really tough. The women who have a bad day and feel the need to discuse their tough days in this forum should be encourage to get things of their chest so that they can get some support and feel better about doing their job. Being a stay at home mum is really important and if someone is feeling a little down and a bit of encouragement helps them to not just quit and have their kids sent to day care then I say why not understand and support them.
Also some of these mums may not have a mother they can talk to.

When it comes to husbands doing their part I agree with you to an extent - but if he works 9 to 5 that's 8 hours a day. We all know that a mother does alot more hours then that so it is only right that he does pitch in here and there.

I love my job as a stay at home mum and won't swap it for anything but I also appreciate knowing that other mums sometimes have days we they feel down and no matter what job you do everyone needs a little encouragement every now and then.

Congratulations for feeling so secure about what you do.

Lauren - posted on 05/28/2010

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i love my kids dearly but hell yes i get sick of them too....the loss of individuality that comes from being a mother is incomprehensible at times...i do whinge about my husbands lack of help in regard to kids/house etc because i WAS a worker, i understand how hard it is to bring home a decent paycheck and provide...unfortunately men dont seem to offer the same understanding....as a mother yourself maybe you should?

Hope - posted on 05/28/2010

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ahh where to start with this post.. haha
I have to start with saying I do agree with your statement but (lol) I also can see the need of people not feeling alone. Some of us have a little more pride for privacy our familys. However some people may not have anyone to turn to when things are hard. They may need someone just to hear them so they do not feel alone. Raising children is a hard job one that I LOVE..
But also we are all human and each see things differently. I have friends that do nothing but complain about there kids and husband ALL the time. This does drive me nuts..however I know she complains to me so she can feel better. So I offer her my ear or my shoulder and just try and be there for her. If you ask people to keep there feelings inside and not get it out then your asking for a much bigger problem in the end. I would much rather see people complain and get it out rather then keep it all to them selves. With some of us its easier because of the husbands we have. Take my husband for example. He goes to work every day and still helps me out around the house. When I feel a little stressed he takes the kids out and gives me some time to myself. Now in my life this is what helps me because I am not the only parent that is raising our children. Now he does this (he talks to me about this) because he can see how him going to work gets him out of the home and that he would never expect me to have to work 24hr each and every day. We see our family as a whole. And each and everyone of us has a part to play. I can understand how some people get upset about the idea that they never get time alone. There husbands come home and there day is done why the other one is still at it. When my husband is at work I am at home cleaning and raising our children. When he is home it goes to 50/50 because well because he understands that being a good husband and father is more then just making money. However these were also things that we talked about way before we had children. Each family is different and if your going to have children then these are things and matter's that should have been talked about.

Brandice - posted on 05/28/2010

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A woman wears many hats. Perhaps the most important one being that of a mother. It is a choice to stay at home with the kids, yes, but that doesn't mean that a woman has to lose the other parts of herself. I am a mother first and foremost, but I am also a person that has my own needs. Last time I checked I was NOT the only one who laid down to create my children. I am not their only parent and therefore should NOT be the only one to care for them. How dare you attack other women like this! Who are you to judge? I for one love being a stay-at-home mother, but it was not a choice. I HAD to do this, but am glad for it.

My husband goes to work everyday and gets to have conversations with adults, gets to have time to himself, pee by himself, so yes sometimes I get jealous, but does that make me a bad person? NO! It makes me human. We all need time to ourselves by ourselves. Becoming a mother doesn't mean you have to lose who you are and the only way sometimes to find that person you are inside is to have your husband watch the kids for a bit so you can have some "me" time. If the husband didn't want to help with the kids, then HE shouldn't have help make them!

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Tiffany - posted on 06/01/2010

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I will never complain about the lack of help that my husband provides when he is around but I will say that every person has a different situation. I know plenty of women who do not CHOOSE to stay home but have to because the jobs they can get would not pay for their childcare. Or in my case, my husband is in the military we move constantly my friends and their families move constantly. That usually doesnt look too good on a resume.
I in general agree. I hate reading constant complaints about being fed up with their kids or my husband doesnt ever help. But I do understand how aggravating it can be. My husband will be gone for months on end and I am left with my 3 girls under 3. It is alot of work, stressful, and tiring, but I will never complain because I love my children and a bad day is simply that, one bad day!

PATRICIA - posted on 06/01/2010

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wow, way to have a shoulder for your fellow ladies. Even when sty at home moms love being there. Sometimes there are days when they just need to vent, have someone to hear a point of view.. or how you said it "complain" You know the funny thing about a mans job is that its usually 8-5 and as a mom its 24/7. Maybe its how you were raised to make you think moms should do it all! But were in 2010 and if other moms need some help or are just having a crappy day and want to vent about kids and hubby! Who cares!

Jami - posted on 05/31/2010

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I actually do NOT have a choice. we cannot afford daycare for our 3 kids...it is hard...but temporary. and yes some days are more difficult than others and I feel like I'm going out of my mind. those are the days I vent.

and before you say that I chose also to be a mother, keep in mind that not one birth control method is 100% effective.

Kristy - posted on 05/31/2010

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Amen...I totally agree. Now, I do agree that SAHM's often have bad days like any job -- I know I do -- and they should be able to vent -- I know I have; however; complaining about being a SAHM in general and feeling trapped...give me a break. If you feel trapped then I agree that you should find a job. Having just become a SAHM myself -- having been a working mom for the first few years of my children's lives -- being a SAHM isn't nearly as hard as being a working mom who has to spread herself between work and family, never fully being able to give 100 percent to either. No, noway...I LOVE BEING A SAHM.

Chelle - posted on 05/31/2010

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Alrighty, i havent read all the posts but i imagine the majority say similar things. Soleil as much as i can understand your frustration with the issues you raise, you have to know that even from the title of your post, you were going to be expecting some adverse reactions to what you wrote, i mean that already set the tone. And when people come across angry that is going to make some other people defensive.

I am glad that later on you acknowledge that venting is important because even though i am not in this situation there are mums on here that dont seem to have anyone to talk to or share their feelings with. And sometimes just being able to share and air, makes a mum think clearer and therefore be able to provide better care to herself and her family.

I also have to disagree with one of your statements, i dont think fair to assume that everyone had a CHOICE to stay home. Just because that is the name of the group.

Nor is it always a persons choice to be a mother, who knows how some women come into that role.

At the end of the day the thing i love the most about circle of mums is that this is a forum to express differences of opinions and be honest about how you feel. We are all adults and as mothers, set the example and respect these differences of opinion.

I do commend you for everything you have gone through and the resilience and attitude you have developed to cope. And yes i too being i have had a rather adverse life but have always been a positive person, can get frustrated by people who always seem to be coming across negatively but this place is one of support and support comes in all shapes and sizes- and people need to be able to speak out on issues that are troubling them, just as you did :)

Yvonne - posted on 05/31/2010

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Sorry i disagree with you there Becky, i agree with if you don't like what your'e reading stop, but if we all gave positive feedback what would be the point, the amount of moms contributing would go down and that means there wouldn't be healthy discussions sometimes to give positive feed back you would have to lie and thats not good. But do do nothing as well is just as bad,people are never going to completely agree with each other thats what promotes good debates,don't you think it would be a boring world if we were all perfect.

Becky - posted on 05/31/2010

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wow i'm shocked at how rude this post is.....for one this is a "safe place" where women can come and vent or talk about issues they are having and get some type of support ...having children is hard and its nice to have a place where i can come and ask for help and suggestions or just to knw that other people are going through the same things i am....as for the husband part maybe they dnt ask us to help them at wrk but most husbands wrk 8-10 hours a day and that dsnt hold anything to what i do. i didnt lay down and have these kids bymyself so i shldnt have to raise them bymyself.....so honestly if u dont have any positive feedback u probably shldnt say anything at all....and if u dnt like what someone is posting STOP READING IT!!! no one is forcing u to read the posts

Rebecca - posted on 05/31/2010

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I do childcare so i can't really give tips for time management because it's something i'm already doing with my own but i owned a business out of home when my first child was born and it was hard. I worked 14 hour days some days and i missed being home on those days. I think what you have going works for being a home "job" because the kids are still with you and yet you can still bring an income in with your hubby's muscle:)

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I can see both side of the coin depending on the day I'm having. I was just wondering does anyone else run their family businesses while staying home with the kids? We have a plumbing company-husband is the muscle and I'm the brains. I works out really well for us but some days it is very overwhelming. Any tips on time management or anything?

Nicole - posted on 05/31/2010

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Okay okay, let's all just face facts, we all have points but I think we all can agree, we deserve awards for putting up with some of the stuff we take care of, whether you stay home or work in the end, we are still moms who care about our children and our families. I haven't seen all the posts of SAHMs who "whine" about life but here is the deal, we all know what it is like to feel left out of the loop so to speak as far as the singles world, I don't think anyone on here can say that they don't have a time when they would just love to go out and have a day to forget about responsibility ( and yes I know once a mom always a mom) whether it means a bar room or a day in a spa or just a day at home making you happy. I know people in real life who have four children and complain about them being a burden and do go out everyweekend and drop the kids with family because it is what they would rather do, and I pitty the kids for it, but the thing is just let these women vent because if venting means they feel better and still keep up with what they need to do, then fine with me, I don't have to respond or read if I don't want, but the point is each to their own,

Veronique - posted on 05/31/2010

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I agree with you to a certain extent. You are right my husband doesn't ask me to help him with his job but i do get the short end of the stick when he comes home in a pissy mood. So when he's had a bad day he vents to me. So when you see moms venting about staying home with there kids and hubby doesn't want to help they are venting just like there husbands vent to them about there job, the only thing is that the husbands don't want to hear about how bad your days was with the kids so this is the only way to let air out. Now i'm not a stay at home mom but i'm on mat leave. I wish i could stay home with my 2 girls but financially it's just not possible right now, but i know that when my 2 kids are home from daycare it is a lot of work and it is very hard to do everything with them and try and get some house work done. But i also agree that the moms who do stay home chose that life and they need to deal with all the crazinest going on but don't start bad mouthing these mothers who every now and then need some moms who understand and feel the same way sometimes. If you don't like what you read in the venting stories then don't click on the conversation and read it........... We are here to chit chat with each other and support each other and we don't need "moms who think they are perfect like you" to come and judge everyone else who really are not hurting anybody by just letting a little steam out!!!!!!!!!!

Yvonne - posted on 05/30/2010

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Amy I'm sorry that you took my post so much to heart as I said I won't apologise for saying it as I see it. I thought the whole idea of this forum was to get support/advice from people in the same position, but i also thought that it was for good/bad debate,.But more importantly TRUTH would you and all the other moms really like if we all just sat here and said "there,there it will be okay love, it'll all come out in the wash, sit down have a cup of tea you'll be okay." Those comments are i feel condescending, they never make me feel any better,and its not true.What would you rather have truthful advice or a flowered up version to make you feel better,I know which i would prefer.
But it seems that some of us on here can't do right for doing wrong.

Amanda - posted on 05/30/2010

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ok, so I am not one of those women you mentioned bashing their situation but I do stay home and sometimes feel that way, however, I have enough sense to stay off the boards when I do. I just wanted to put out there that I did not choose freely to stay home. I have been dealing with complications from pregnancy and advised to stay home in order to continue my pregnancy. There are people in the world who don't choose to stay home because they want to be a housewife. That is my two cents.

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

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Okay I just read your post about what you were actually refering too in the first place - maybe you should have said that first - the majority of people seem to be upset about your post, while that isnt what you meant in the first place.

Now what your saying makes sense, but i have to say some people dont have a support system, except for on here.

Liz - posted on 05/30/2010

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I hear where you are coming from, and I dont entirely disagree with what your saying, but i do think that being a stay at home mom is a hell of a lot of work, then what the majority of ours husbands do. They get coffee and lunch breaks, and time to just sit and think. Where as there is always something that needs to be done for us. Most days I dont get to take a shower until the afternoon nap.

And some of us dont have the option to go out and get a job, daycare is so expensive that we cant even consider it.

Some women do take their posts too far, and vent to the point of it being a little embarassing, but i always try and think about what would make them write that, how desperate they might be feeling. Not all of us chose to be in the situation that we are in, and this group is for support.
Maybe a better response is, if you cant handle people talking on a support group about their problems, dont join?

Amy - posted on 05/30/2010

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your right i did know my husbands life style BUT does that mean i have nothing to complain about? no. everyone else knows what kind of work their husband does and they still cmplain. i was just trying to make the point that before someone jumps all over a group of women just looking for someone to listen or someone to cry to maybe they should consider what that woman may be going thru. i wouldnt change who i married. who i change the fact that we cant take our daughter to child care? yes i would. as much as i love my daughter i would like to be able to do something every once in a while without having my daughter to tend to for a hour or so. im just saying maybe before someone gets on here to bitch about people bitching they should just shut the hell up and be considerate. if they dont like what they are reading its very easy to fix that problem. just incase u dont know... its this little red box at the top of the screen with a white x in it. so the point of my post is if u dont like it go somewhere else this is a place to support people not be bitches to them for asking for another adult who may have been thru the same thing. so since i taught u how to ignore posts you dont like im going to follow my own instructions. have a nice day bringing women down for asking for help and comfort.

Yvonne - posted on 05/30/2010

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Amy if you love your husband and wouldn't change anything at all why are you on here on your 6ft high soap box, no-one on here has said that they are perfect. We all have our own cross to bear yours is to parent on your own for so many months of the year,sorry but you knew your husbands lifestyle before you married him its not much good moaning about it now is there.

I think the original point Soleil was trying to make is that its not just this site but others as well that there always seems to be maybe the same people moaning and bitching about their lives/kids /husbands etc .( I hope i've got that right anyway)

Soleil has by no means got a perfect life if you've read all the posts you would know that and maybe you wouldn't be so eager to bitch at her.

If I've upset anyone on here I sincerely apologise for that, but I wont apologise for saying as I see it.

Rebecca - posted on 05/30/2010

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Amy, i can relate in some way. My husband is also in the military and is gone most of the time. I have no problems helping others who have a rough day because i have them too and i feel the same way you do on this topic!!

Amy - posted on 05/30/2010

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so what about everyone who doesnt have help around the house? i am a "single" parent 6 months or more out of the year. my husband is in the Navy and his ship is deployed right now. my daughter is 8 months old and very active. on top of taking care of my daughter i also babysit a 2 yr old, take care of the little old lady across the walk way and im taking online classes. live 17+hours away from all family and friends. i do not have a babysitter nor someone who can keep my daughter while i go to dentist apts or dr apts. so if i want to get on here and talk about how rough my day has been then im going to. i do not have family i can call to vent to and i only have 1 friend here who has more problems with life then i do. when you get sick does your husband help out? does he bring you food? do you get the chance to relax at night with your husband by your side? do you get to go shopping with girl friends or even go see a movie? i have not been out with my husband without my daughter since before she was born. my husband was deployed a week after we found out i was prgnant and before that he was home 2 weekends out of 5 months and one of weekends we got married the next morning, the other we were packing our stuff to move to the other side of the US away from everyone. so excuse the hell out of me if i want to complain about my day every once in a while. im glad there are perfect people in the world like you who can determine what others should and shouldnt say online. i am proud to be with my husband and wouldnt change anything but before you get on that soap box of yours stop and think about what others may be going thru.

Jessica - posted on 05/30/2010

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Thank you Soleil ! I've wanted to say this so many times, sure hubbys arent the greatest with reading minds so it may not always occur to them to help you at the end of THEIR hard working day .
Also, you do not have to be stuck at home all day. what happened in taking your kids to the park or a playgroup? My daughter gets at least a 2 hour playgroup 3x a week and an outdoor activity for about an hour a day (it also helps them sleep cause they're exhausted by the time the day is done.) Like seriously moms YOU chose to have YOUR baby and be the primary caregiver, so yes you will be "stuck" at home a lot, and not able to do things like you used to. Go get a job and take your kids to daycare if your sick of being a SAHM. Like seriously. I can honestly say if being a mom would be MY JOB for the rest of my life, I would be completely content with that. I love raising my daughter and teach her new things everyday, giving her an enriched learning environment and giving her new exiperence's everyday.
Also where you live is NOT and excuse for doing absolutely nothing with your child I live in a town with a population of 1400 people and there's a playgroup in one town in my region (explore the 4 is what its called) every day of the week.

Yvonne - posted on 05/30/2010

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Lea, perhaps you should show your husband these posts he might then realise that you are unhappy and help a bit more, sometimes i think men don't know sensitive unless it jumps up and bites them on the nose.If you're not happy with your lives the way they are, you have to do something to change it.

I very much agree with you Kristin we weren't put on this earth to be slaves we've come along way up the ladder since then (thank goodness)

I all we wanted was sperm we can go to a sperm bank for that!!

Why did Emily Pankhurst chain herself to railings in London,she got us the vote!! that was the start of equality for women,its even better now, I'm sorry girls but if its not equal in your house hold you've only got yourselves to blame for it.

As i said in a previous post i'm so glad i haven't got one.life is so much sweeter for me without a man around to clutter things up.

Christi - posted on 05/30/2010

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I love being home with my son, although it was not my first choice. I need a job, but due to unemployment, here I am. I am not complaining do not get me wrong, but you are mistaken if you think I am not going to be upset if my husband does not help out. He punches out at 4, I don't. The least he can do is help out with whatever needs to be done when he gets home. Alot of dads think it is enough that they donated the sperm that made the baby. Part of being a partent is being a team and helping out.

Kelina - posted on 05/29/2010

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Jessie-Yes i know what you mean. It's gotten to the point where I actually welcome JW's into my home simply becasue they can speak in sentences! I love my son, but at the moment our conversations are still kinda one sided, and there's really only so much deigo and Thomas I can handle!

Kelina - posted on 05/29/2010

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I didn't read every post cause there's way too many pf them, but i don't really agree with you. My husband copmes home and unloads everything that's gone on at work and helps out around the house because being a SAHM is a full time job, whereas he only works an 8 hour day. And people come to this to get advice and help because they simply don't know what to do. Yes our job is to stay home and take care of the kids, that is a lifestyle choice that I've chosen. I always wanted to stay at home, but you know something? If I don't get out of my house once in a while i go crazy and feel trapped too. In fact if i don't get out of the house at least 5 days a week i start to go insane. I think the way you worded your original post was insulting because i am one of those moms who has a hard time, but that doesn't mean i don't love my job. And we make babies as a pair for a REASON. If they want in on the baby making, then they can help with the results. Being a mom is a full time job, being a dad should be one too.

Kristin - posted on 05/29/2010

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I may choose to stay home with our children. That does NOT excuse any of them (husband or kids) to treat me like a servant or a doormat. If any woman is feeling this way, she has a right to change her situation at any time. She also has the right to vent her feelings, be it online or to her family. All of this would come out in changing the situation anyway. If a rant in this forum, where she would find support, solves the problem without hurting anyone's feelings, why can't she. I don't need to read beyond line two or even respond. Ultimately no one does.

Lea - posted on 05/29/2010

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Yvonne I am not the only working mother whose husband still expects me to do more childcare and chores. From what I've heard, my experience is more the norm. I think that its a valid statement to say that being a SAHM has nothing to do with having to do more of the childcare and housework. From what I've seen it is a general state of our experience as women and inequality in our society no matter our work situation. It seems like men are using it as an easy excuse to be lazy, when they just do the same thing regardless of whether we work. Thats been my experience and the experience of most women I know. Those of you that can say it hasn't been yours, you are very lucky.

Hannah - posted on 05/29/2010

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I agree with you. Im a stay at home mum and love it! My husband works hard at work and comes back and spends his time with our little girl and me helps me if i need something doing, i just love being a mum and doing what i do at home.

Yvonne - posted on 05/29/2010

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I WOULD LIKE TO SAY TO ALL WHO HAVE POSTED ON THIS CONVERSATION WHETHER YOU THINK THE COMMENTS ARE GOOD OR BAD.

COME ON GIRLS WHAT ARE WE DOING AT HOME WE ARE CARING FOR THE MIRACLES THAT WE GAVE BIRTH TO AND THEY ARE MIRACLES ARE'NT THEY? THE MEN? THEY ONLY PLAY A SMALL PART IN THIS MIRACLE AND WE DON'T ACTUALLY NEED THEM FOR THAT NOWADAYS EITHER DO WE? . SO WHETHER OR NOT WE CHOOSE TO BE HOME LETS FORGET ABOUT THE VENTING FOR A FEW MINUTES AND REJOICE IN OUR CHILDREN AND THOSE OF YOU WHO WANT TO YOUR HUBBIES AS WELL! I TELL YOU I'M GLAD I HAVEN'T GOT ONE JUDGING BY SOME OF YOUR COMMENTS ON HERE(THANKS BUT NO THANKS,THE ONLY THING I MISS IS A BODY TO PUT ME FEET ON.:-))

WHAT DO YOU SAY ?????????????????????

Sherry - posted on 05/29/2010

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all right girls.. take a breather.... somewhere along the way this thread took a sharp turn out to left field...

Soleil had a point... that there are some that use the forum as more of a pity party thing.. now lay off. I'm sure she didn't meen to offend the vast majority but needed to vent herself... so STOP IT Brawebeating her isn't helping any...

Soliel. you might want to lock this discussion (If you can or ask the administrator too) it's getting a little outta hand

Yvonne - posted on 05/29/2010

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Lea I feel you need to kick your husband into touch,if i had a partner that came home from work sat down on his backside all night and still told me what to do i'd stick a rocket up it and tell him where to go,if you're happy with that sort of life then fair play to you,but if you don't like it grow a spine and tell him so.

RENEE - posted on 05/29/2010

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i agree for the most part but not everyone has a choice to be a stay at home mom. maybe u cant aford child care so its cheaper for one parent to stay out of work or u have a very sick child (im not talking about flu or a cold) and have to stay home. or maybe even a handicapped child. but i do feel that women should be happy if they can stay home because kids grow up so fast and its nice to spend time with them and i do understand what some women say about husbands. mine is very good with helping out and im very understanding that he is tired from working all day but being a stay at home mom is a full time job too so me and my hubby alternate bath nights and things like that because i maybe at home but iv worked a full time day as well and sometimes i have long nights to. so my god chill out we have circle of moms so women can ask other women for advise and i think some people get so mean. good luck to u and ur family :)

Yolanda - posted on 05/29/2010

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heres the thing ladies everyones life is different if people want to talk online about things going on in there lives in a support site called "circle of moms" so be it....you dont like what your reading click to a different thread....just my thoughts on it.

Cassie - posted on 05/29/2010

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Totally Agree! Couldn't Have Said It Any Better Myself! And If You Dont Think Your Partner Doesn't Help As Much As You'd Like Him To, Take It Up With Him. Dont Winge On Here!

Rebecca - posted on 05/29/2010

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Do you see these posts in other groups as well? A girl just posted on a younger board so you will see that on your message center. She works full time and still gets no help from her husband, so i hope to lord this isn't towards people who do work. I've only been a stay at home mom for just over a year and i love it. Yes it is hard at times and yes it can be frustrating to see the same posts over and over again but you know what, if i don't want to read it i don't go in to see what they say.

To me it's frustrating to see people who write things like this and be unsupportive of others. Trust me i see my fair share of repeats on here and if i've seen enough i move on to the next topic, i don't start another topic about how i hate to see the same thing over and over again. This is supposed to be a safe place for us to vent, even if we want to bash our husbands then so be it. Trust me, my husband gets an earful if he doesn't help and you know what if he pisses me off i'll be damn sure to get some advice if nothing changes.

You don't know what has been going on in that persons life, you just see the little post and judge. If you don't want to give support then don't, but don't go on and bash them for asking either.



I just went up a few and wanted to respond to your "don't read don't reply" spiel and i just wanted to say that if your subject was a bit more clear like oh i don't know "sick of people complaining about their husbands" then i wouldn't have stepped foot in this but because you had a "really???" subject i did and now you get my reply.

Jocelyn - posted on 05/29/2010

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For some of us, staying home was NOT a choice. We can bitch all we like if it helps us to de-stress (and therefore not walk out on our families). It helps when you know someone else is going though the exact same things.

[deleted account]

actually it was not my choice to be a stay at home mum but seeing as financially i wouldnt be able to afford to go to get child care i have to be a SAHM. I'm not saying I would change any thing because I love seeing how both my children change, but I do like it when I get a hand around the house especially if that gives me 5 minutes to myself. I have a 20 month old and a 4 month old and some times I do feel like I am going crazy, but that is also down to the fact that I moved house a month and a half before i had my daughter so the house is still in a state. If you don't want to read about mums who feel like that then ignore it, sometimes people just need a vent and this is where they get their chance to!

Cheri - posted on 05/29/2010

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I do agree that mom's shouldn't be partying and that are kids should always come first. But didn't seem to come though your last few post. I'm happy you cleared it up!

Monica - posted on 05/28/2010

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lol why are we supposed to be being supportive here, you are just complaining!! You weren't clear about the extreme case of wanting to non-stop party, actually you said "everyone complaining". We're reading it because u asked "everyone" a question.

Soleil - posted on 05/28/2010

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Most of you are being so hypocritical, telling me if you don't like it don't read it, and don't judge. What are you doing? Again, Like I said above, this was not for the moms with regular venting and frustration. It was to one mom who will not stop posting about how she just wants to party party party. I never said a man works harder, and I never put down stay at home moms, I am a stay at home mom. I was simply saying if you are that unhappy you need to do something to change your situation so it is positive for everyone. This has become just like a breast milk/formula debate, neither side is going to come to a stop. I believe, issues in a marriage should stay in a family, and not be aired to anyone and everyone. I believe a mom needs to put her children first, for the most part, and give up the non stop partying. I believe a father should be a huge part in his children's lives, and help in whatever way which is helpful to his wife. I believe a wife should also be helpful to her husband, and be thankful he gives her the chance to stay home, because many moms don't have that. I love when my husband comes home and takes my older son out to play so I can have a minute of quiet. I was not saying men have no responsibility at home, but I do believe the feminist movement has not made things equal, but favors women. I know my son would rather me cook him dinner because I'm better at it. I know my son would rather me kiss his owie... I also know he would rather my husband read him his book at night. What ever balance anyone happens to find and works for them is great. Again, after my original post, I went back and tried to clear up that this was not about most moms who are venting, and that I think it is so important for us to have an outlet. I was not trying to offend those of us who just need to vent a little. back off, because non of you are being the supportive people you are saying I should be.

Lea - posted on 05/28/2010

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I study was done that found that the average SAHM does the equivalent of 3 full-time jobs. ...any of your husbands have 3 full-time jobs? didnt think so. they need to get off their asses and help out til the job is done then u both can rest. period.

Jessie - posted on 05/28/2010

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lol well actually yes my husband does ask me to help him with paper work and filling out forms and writing stuff up for him, but he also tries to help out with the kids and house work as much as he can, but I can see where being home all day every day can cause one to go "stir crazy" what with my husband's odd hours and then on top of that he is a marine so we have to deal w/ him being gone alot, he has the car all the time and the kids and I go stir crazy and just need to get out for the day. Unfortunately there is nothing with in walking distance from where we live, all the parks, museums, little shops are all in the city like 10 miles away and buy 5 lane roads that are always backed up literally ALL the time. I love being a SAHM but I can see where it gets complicated and we can feel unappreciated walked over and OH the never ending mess, we too need to get out, and talk to someone who knows more then Dora and Boots. It's not about not liking what you chose to do (being a SAHM) but about just needing a change of scenery and a coffee break, I am very happy with taking the kids with me for an adventure down town into the cafe and then just walking around and finding a new shop, but we have one car and usually my husband has it so I have to wait for him to have time to either let me have it or join us on our adventure :)

Monica - posted on 05/28/2010

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excuse me, but i don't see how it's fair for a guy to work 8 hrs then come home and do nothing. When the husband gets home from work where he gets two breaks and a lunch hour, he should at least take the kids out and/or play with them so the mom can clean up, do the dishes, make dinner, whatever. But I hope you're not saying that the "8" hr a day job is equivilant to what a stay at home mom does??? And ppl are aloud to let off steam here, if you don't like it, don't read it. Sometimes ppl feel at their wits end chatting with toddlers all day so too bad!!!

Elysia - posted on 05/28/2010

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Thumbs up to you. But....... being a mum can be stressful and sometimes we just need to vent. I love being a stay at home mum and i wouldnt change it for the world but some days.............. well im sure u know those days but on the whole i would say 99% of the time it really is a joy. And at the moment my other half is only working part time due to being unwell for a very long period of time so i do wish that he would sometimes help out just a little more ie- take out the rubbish without being nagged or putting his clothes in the dirty clothes basket not just leaving them where he takes them off but as u said we all make our choices and really if we were that unhappy we would change it. But i also think part of being able to do what we do and not go crazy is to be able to vent our frustations and sometimes hubby just isnt the person to do this to.

Jess - posted on 05/28/2010

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I work 3 days a week and my partner still expects me to hold down the fort at home. I go to work because its my SANITY SAVER !!! All our kids are different and we are all different. Some mothers are in their element at home finger painting and cleaning the bathroom. But Im not, I love my 4 days with my daughter but my brain needs more ! If I didn't get out of the house I would be on here venting to my fellow SAHM. Who are you to tell us how to feel ? If we can't blow off steam here with each other than where can we do it. And if you think your husband never goes to work and has a bitch about you or the kids or the state of the house than your dreaming !



When I can create a baby on my own I will raise it alone. Until then my partner will still have to pull his weight around my house.... if he doesn't like it he can move back to his parents house !

Sherry - posted on 05/28/2010

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Ok everyone calm down... Soleil has a point (to a point) but then so does everyone else who made comments.

When someone vents here we have to try not to presume upon a persons charactor because we're only seeing part of the picture (a mom venting, a partner whining, a mom at whits end or what have you) we very seldom know anything else about the person. Maybe the person in question has alot of posts it happens...

Soliel, after reading your posts I must commend you,(especially if you have nobody to turn to), my mom was in a situation very similar to yours and I was that sick kid... I also have a word of caution try not to assume on anyone's charactor because of what they type-- some of us may have "ASS-U-ME"d that your post was just to be bitchy... having read your situation I can now understand your comments... but to Assume another mom's situation is easier "is to make and ASS of U and ME"

Sometimes a rant is just that for whatever reason. Unless some detail (and some people are litterally that far at the end of their rope) nobody can presume to offer advice. Unfortunately, we can often see the negative more so then the positive.

You do have a point.. there are some who take it to an extreme. But please allow that the vast majority don't, and a good number have no-where else to turn because their lives revolve so fully around their family. Even mom needs a bit of a break-- even if it's just to cry (or scream, or bitch, and rant and tear her hear out) We're all human.. it's human nature to judge basaed on information we have, but honestly can we ever presume to have "ALL" the information?

A good rule of thumb consider this: treat each post as if you were the author... to put yourself in someone else's shoes is a very difficult task. only then can we presume to give each other advice.

Hope - posted on 05/28/2010

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soleil- I hope you do not think that my post was trying to come down on you. For that was not what I was trying to do. I was offering my voice to the post at hand. If I offended you or you thought that I was trying to get to you then Please except my deepest apology.
I will keep your family and your baby boy in my prayers and thoughts. I hate to see children go through hard times at such a young age. Children seem to be so much better then us adults at handling the harder parts of life. You ever watch the shows or know of a child who has cancer? Most of them have the best out look on life and seem to be fighting with such a positive force that you can see in them when they talk. Its truly a site to behold. But again I am sorry if I offended you or anyone else.

Sally - posted on 05/28/2010

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I agree, ACCEPT, our job is a 24/7 thing (for most of us) as opposed to our husbands 8 hour, 5 day a week job (for most of them). I don't see why our husbands can't give us an hour or two of their time most days, or at the very least, give us 3 or 4 hours of alone time on the weekends, if we decide it's what we want. OR, help with some of the housework.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, because my husband is AWESOME. He gives me breaks, and helps with housework, and the baby. But, that is also my point... most women should be entitled to that kind of help!
And you're right. Coming online to vent to strangers doesn't show a whole lot of respect to their husbands. Although, we all need to vent somehow, and maybe writing to people who don't matter isn't that bad. Although, writing an angry letter and getting rid of it is also a good way to vent.

Michelle - posted on 05/28/2010

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Amber- Your posts were very nicley put. Soleil- My fiance and I had discussed the same thing before our son, he did forget for a while so I let him handle my son for a entire day. He quickly remembered and figured out that maybe thats why physical contact stopped...I was just to tired. I believe we all should beable to voice our feelings without judgement and I feel the topic we are speaking on is judgemental.

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