Recomendations on when to start trying for second baby?

Paige - posted on 03/06/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 6 months old now. My pregnancy was not completely planned but we have always wanted children. I am looking for advice on what is the best age difference between children and why. I was thinking maybe try around her 2nd birthday but maybe sooner. She was born end of August so i was pregnant all through the summer, I do not want to go through the last part of my pregnancy through the summer again! Any advice would be great,

Thanks so much!

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Denise - posted on 03/10/2009

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My 1st and 2nd are a day shy of 3 years apart and the space between the 2nd and 3rd is 18 months -



Now my kids are young but there are perks to being a few years apart like the fact that the older one is potty trained and you don't have to buy twice as many diapers:)... but then when they are a few years apart  you are going to have to explain to the younger one that the older one gets to do things he/she can't cause she is too little:(...



Personally - 3 years apart is perfect... much closer and it is difficult to have two babies...and man is there jelousy!



 

Heather - posted on 03/10/2009

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I'm a nurse, so that is where my main point of view stems from. It takes your body 2 years just to recover from a pregnancy. The pregnancy itself drains your body of calcium and other vitamins and minerals, along with your other hormones. I don't recomend even trying to get pregnant before your child's 2nd birthday. I have a 4.5 and 23 month old. They are not quite 3 yrs apart. And as it is I had to be treated for SEVERE vitamin deficiency. I have been on mega doses of calcium, iron and multi-vitamins for the past year. I suffered from severe exhaustion and depression because of the strain the two pregnancies had on by body. I know everybody's body is different, but I would just wait to be on the safe side. You can't be much of a mother to either if your too tired or sick to get out of bed or off the couch. Trust me, I've been there.

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My husband and I started trying right after my son turned 2 (and we are still trying). We want our children to be close enough in age that hopefully they will enjoy being playmates and grow up with things in common. I didn't want them too close together though because I didn't like the thought of 2 children in diapers at the same time. I also wanted my son to be old enough to understand about babies and having a brother or sister.

Jocelyn - posted on 03/13/2009

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My oldest had just turned two when i found out i was preggers again...that'll make them just under 3 years apart.  My son ( the oldest) will be starting preschool around that time so i'll be able to have some time alone with the newborn.  We've just started potty training so hopefully he'll be (mostly) potty trained, so only one set of diaper to wash!   seems like good timing to me.  But my one friend had her sons excactly one year apart and wouldn't have it any other way.

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It is all depending on what you and your husband think would be good, plus if you think you can cope with kids close together in age. My eldest was 19 months when I fell pregnant with my second, my second was 5 months when I fell pregnant again. The second two were planned. So I have a 4 yr old, an almost 2 yr old and a 7 month old. It is hectic but I love it and my kids love each other and play so well together. I never had any jelousy between my kids. My friend's eldest is the same age as my eldest. She started trying at the same time as me with my second. Her second was born 6 weeks before my third, thats how long it took for her. At the start she was a bit dissapointed about the age gap being 4 years but now she has both of them at home she likes it because her eldest understands if she tells him to wait and he also helps her with the baby.

Valerie - posted on 03/10/2009

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My daughter is 14 months old and I just became pregnant with our second. Of all the couples I've talked too, all the couples who had children close together loved it. Personally, I was of the mind that when I'm done with changing diapers, I wanted to be done with changing diapers. No going back. :) But you will know when you are ready to have another child. And like it was mentioned earlier, you don't know how long it will take to get pregnant again or what will happen. So plan all you want but it will still go the way God wants it too. :P Personally my sister and I are less then 2 years apart and we have been best friends through it all. I want that for my kiddo.

Jacqui - posted on 03/10/2009

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I'm having the same dilema. My daughter is 8 months and although I'd like to have my kids close together, I just really don't feel like being pregnant and having to deal with giving birth again any time soon...so I have no clue what I want to do. I do agree that close-ish is important if you want them to play with each other (and entertain themselves--bonus!). The only warning I've gotten is that apparently 2 years apart is the worst space to have between kids--because you have a new baby while your first is going through the "terrible twos". But I guess in the end it really is just how you're feeling. For sure make sure you feel healthy enough!

Traci - posted on 03/10/2009

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My girls are about 3 years apart and we love it. Our first was out of diapers by the time the second came and she was able to somewhat understand what was happening with mommy. She was also not so dependent on me and in turn helped out a lot because when I was feeding the youngest or trying to get her to go to sleep, our oldest was able to keep herself occupied.

Tara - posted on 03/06/2009

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I've heard that between 18 months and 2 years is best (this was from moms I talked to when I was in the hospital having my daughter). We were planning on waiting until our daughter was 18 months - 2 years to try for a second one, but, things happen, and I'm expecting our second child this September (not looking forward to being that pregnant during the summer, but...)



I guess it's more personal choice, you have to go with what is right for you, and keep in mind that things don't always happen as you plan. We had planned on going longer between our kids, and a friend of mine tried for years to get pregnant, had her son, then was in a serious car accident and couldn't have any more, so I say go for it if you want to try :D

Julie - posted on 03/06/2009

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I'm with Krystal on this one. My oldest two are 13 months apart then their is a 2.5 year age gap between 2 and 3 and then 14 months between the two youngest. The closer the better. My kids are really best friends, they play so well together it is amazing. Of course we have the occasional sibling squabble but nothing too bad. My youngest two play well together too now that my youngest (almost 2) is old enough to play. We also took into consideration that we knew we wanted a large family and we wanted to be done young enough to really enjoy them and our future grandchildren. When my youngest one is 18 I will only be 42. You will know what is best for you and your family, when the time is right you just go for it!

User - posted on 03/06/2009

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Well I know medically they say that your body needs at least 18months to heal before getting pregnant again.  Other then that me personally, I think 2 -3 years is a good spacing.  You'll know when you are ready to have another, trust your gut feeling.

Crystal - posted on 03/06/2009

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Hi, We started trying for another baby when our first born was 1yr, I took us three yrs and two m/c and one eptopic after the eptopic and with only one tube we fell pregnant again 1yr exactly to the date that i went to hospital!! My point being that things dont always go as planned so i would start trying straight away!

Having said that I love the age gap between my sons, Dylan is going to be 5 in cple months and toby is 4 mths, so Dylan is full time at pre-primary so Toby gets my full attention during the day and Dylan laps up his attention during the evenings! and Dylan just adores his brother, he helps with everything and even puts him dummy in and rocks his bouncer when he is crying :)

Theresa - posted on 03/06/2009

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There is 21 months between our 1st and 2nd and 27 months between the 2nd and 3rd. It has worked out great having them close together in age as they play well together most of the time. Hubby's aunt had hers 4 years apart and said she wished they have been a little closer in age as they didn't play together much when little, but she really noticed the difference when they were teenagers - they didn't associate much due to the age difference even though it was only 4 years.

As Krystal said, it's really how you feel, but from my personal experience closer has been easy. And you get the potty training and such over in a rather short time, instead of getting one done and no diapers then having to do it all over again - lol!

Krystal - posted on 03/06/2009

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My son was just 4 months old when i get prenant with my daughter. They are a day shy of 13 months apart. While this may seem crazy - i wouldn't want it any other way. We debated the age difference between our 2nd and having a third. i figured we were already stressed so why stretch it out too far. So we went for it after my daughters 1st bday (in august). If i hadn't lost the baby at 11 weeks i would have had: my son at 1 month shy of 3 years old, my daughter 2 months shy of 2 years old, and a newborn in June.  Yes, diapers are expensive when you have 3 kids in them, but i say that we will feel rich after they're potty trained!!! Being so close in age, my son and daughter are truly best friends. just the past couple of months they have begun to really play together and it is amazing! i love watching the two of them together - even when they do fight!!! It was tough at first but now they are into a lot of the same things - my daughter does everything her big brother does (even if she shouldn't!).



So really, it's whatever you feel comfortable with. I only know what it's like to have them close.



Good luck!

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