relationship with your MAN

Deepa - posted on 10/29/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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hi all,

howmany of you think there is lots and lots unsaid and undone; after your baby? My baby turns 2andhalf today, and my life changed a lot after her birth. I am not talking about parenting or resposibilities. It s just about me and my Hubby. Before Baby, we had a strong- know each other kind of relationship, now I dont see any trace of that !! Not that we never argued or anything, it was all there, arguments and falls, but happiness n love too.

Hope some of you know what i am trying to tell. please share your thoughts

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My relationship with my husband is even better after having our child. We are more connected than ever. In every aspect of our relationship. I am a very lucky woman.

Erica - posted on 10/29/2010

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Crystal & Deepa I'm soo sorry you guys feel like it won't get better. Crystal have you brought it up in passing that you feel he is resenting you? They don't know unless we tell them.

I've never thought that Joe and I won't make it, it just feels like we have soo much in the way that we can't quite get our arms around eachother. We all made the same choice, to put our children over ourselves adn stay home with them to be sure they were raised the way we wanted them to be. And to do that our husbands have to pick up the extra shift or work harder towards that promotion. Have we lost sight that they are working just as hard as we are (only differently) to make this family thing work? What I see from my husband is he makes tons of sacrifices they are just different from mine.

Why not ask your hubby about his dreams on date night? Make a rule that no talking about work or kids and see where the night takes you? I think that is what I'm going to do in Janurary when we finally have a free weekend again! I do Have to say I'm glad to hear you both say your not giving up on your marriages! good for you! No one said motherhood was easy right?

Crystal - posted on 10/29/2010

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Hello! Well, I'm sorry to hear that you're going thru this as well. I think it is very common, unfortunately. I had this conversation with my cousin just after she had her first baby. My hubby and I have been married 8 years and have two kids, a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old. Immediately after my son was born our relationship changed. My thinking is that it has to do with our thought process and priorities. Our priorites have now changed as women, we've become mothers where our main focus now is the child, and caring for them first before anything or anyone else. Where before, our priorities were our hubbies and our relationship. In my case, i felt like I knew what to expect as far as what I was going to sacrifice when I became a mother, and the dad's don't feel like they need to, or know how to? if that makes sense. I know that I expect a lot of my hubby and he feels like he can't ever live up to it, so it puts stress on our relationship. We too live like roomies most of the time. still after 5 years of me being a SAHM, I feel like he resents me for the decision we made. He still makes me laugh, and we can go out and have a good time together, just us two ... but the conversations are gone, the "dreams" of what we want/wanted for our lives seem to be off track. I've told him that I dont' feel like we're on the same path anymore for our future, and I want to get back to that. We're still a long way, but I'm not giving up. :) All we can do is try our best at balancing everything we all have going on.

Deepa - posted on 10/29/2010

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Thanks Erica.. loved that.. hope thats all true in may case lol..like you said, we too live like roommates i sometimes doubt abt nymore love/feelings left with him. may be this is life, but somehow i just cannot take in- that all that fun n full of love has gone n replaced with hi, byes n serious talks. And it is too difficult to undrstand each other when we talk on top / controlling a two yr's tantrum. wait u both r yet to C that :) n if schooling helps,good. But dnt knw til then my heart will keep this strong desire to get back together. or may be we will get used to this :( :(

Erica - posted on 10/29/2010

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Bonnie, I'm sorry! LOL I was actually getting ready to post something about this when I found this conversation!!! I love my husband soo much but there are days that I wonder if we are in a marriage or a partnership! He still can make me laugh in a minute but I don't know what's going on in his mind! We have to figure something out to find time for ourselves!

Bonnie - posted on 10/29/2010

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Erica, took all the words! I couldn't agree more. It's difficult when he is working out of the home full time and i'm working in the home full time with the kids all day. Even when they go to bed, I still like to tidy up a little bit, do a few dishes, make lunch for my husband and older son if he has school for the next day. If we talk, it is usually about when the shopping is going to get done, when the bills are going to get paid. We get to talk about how are day went, but that's more often than not as far as it goes.

Erica - posted on 10/29/2010

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I understand what your saying. It's not that he stopped trying or caring and neither did you. But there isn't enough TIME to know eachother like you use to! Even if you plan one night out a week or sit in your livingroom and cuddle everynight after the little people have gone to bed. Your both too exahuasted to get too indepth and you just want to sit there and here silence for an hour before bed!

You still love your husband soo much but you miss sharing that special bond. I'm there. My daughter is 18 months and my husband and I are best friends but we haven't had the time to continue to learn about eachother. I find my self asking him if he's happy at least every other day and feeling like I'm failing him some how. We both lack romance in the bed room we are so tired it's like ok lets just do it and go to bed! I still love him more than life it's self but I'm so damn tired!

I'm told it gets sooo much better when your youngest hits school age! LOL we have a while right?!!

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