Rude friend-Am I just being pregnant or would you be offended too?

Amy - posted on 06/06/2012 ( 106 moms have responded )

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So my friend is pregnant with her 4th baby. She has aborted the 3 previous pregnancies. She decided to keep this one as she is 31 and feels this may be her only chance to have a baby. She does not know who the father is, and she is moving in with her mpm to raise the baby as a single parent.
To help her feel not alone in the preggo club, and to share my news, I told her about my 3rd baby I'm expecting recently. I am very happily married, and also have a 7 year old, and 9 month old so yes the younger 2 will be close apart.
Given her history, and my current lifestyle, I was all but shocked and certainly offended when she replied to my news via text message exactly as follows verbatim: "Wow! Conrats! 3 is a lot, maybe get sterilized after that?"
Is it just me, or is that rude, tactless, and coming from someone who has no room at all to speak on the subject?
I would love your thoughts ladies.... thanks! :)

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Bethany - posted on 06/07/2012

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sounds like she's struggling with the idea of even one child herself, and is saying what she's thinking about herself.

3 is not alot, but to her, one is alot, so she is coming from a skewed frame of reference. If she had got sterilized after her third, she wouldn't be in the predicament she is in now would she.

Just about every comment you'll ever get in life will be uninformed and be a person's projection of their own doubts and fears onto you.

You're happily married and happy to parent your kids. She is living with her mother and having a child she might not even want. I know who I'd rather be.

If you wanted to be a real b*tch, you could have texted back Wow! Conrats! 3 is alot, maybe should have got sterilized after that? oh well.

Elaine - posted on 06/07/2012

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If I had a friend who uses abortion as a contraceptive she wouldn't be a friend!!!

Corinne - posted on 06/06/2012

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That's extremely rude and I wouldn't be making much time for someone like that.

S. - posted on 06/06/2012

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That's major rude!! Maybe she has seen a bit of the green eyed monster with you being setteled and all, in my experience you can do without friend's like that!

Melissa - posted on 06/06/2012

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Naw, that was pretty rude. I don't think I'd be too keen on talking to for a while after that. I mean, regardless of her history, it's a pretty rude statement.

106 Comments

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Chet - posted on 02/07/2014

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Not something I would say, but we have four kids and honestly, anything more than three these days it a big family. People say stuff without thinking. Since it was a text message you can have any sense of the tone she intended.

Don't be so easily offended. It was probably just an off-handed comment. Even if she was being brutally honest you don't need to agree on family size with this person.

Dee - posted on 08/06/2012

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wow wat a B*^&%. That was pretty rude. I have 3 kids myself, coming from a family of 7 kids but at least we were born and not aborted.

Jes - posted on 08/04/2012

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Eww. You sure you want to even be friends with this chick?! She sounds like a jerk!

Elizabeth - posted on 08/04/2012

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Yeah, that's a terrible thing to say, regardless. Congrats to you! You will love being a Mommy to 3.

Tammy - posted on 08/03/2012

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I don't understand why people get so offended so easily these days!
Your friend obviously has a very very different lifestyle than yours. To her getting pregnant seems like a mild inconvenience like an illness that she can just go to the doctor to have it taken care of.
To you, to me and I am assuming most other women in the world, pregnancy is god's gift to be cherished.
I am sure your friend did not mean any harm and didn't mean to be tactless. It's just the different way she looks at life. Personally, I think SHE is the one that should get sterilized!
So don't be offended, just come back with a similar pun.

Allie - posted on 07/26/2012

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I agree 100% that was so totally rude... Who does she think she is? It sounds to me as though she is the one who needs to get sterilized since all she wants to do is abort babies. All she is doing is killing those poor babies and at least you love yours enough to not go and get a abortion.

Amrit - posted on 07/26/2012

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She was projecting her negativity onto you. Don't take it personally- it isn't about you.

Ana - posted on 07/25/2012

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Hi! I do think she was quite abrupt, and yes you can feel offended by it. The comment probably came from her own dark place, based on what she's experiencing. If she has been a good friend in the past, she probably didn't mean to hurt you by it, only reflecting her own life's disappointment. She doesn't know what it is to be happily married and want to have a family.
Hope it helps!!

Catherine - posted on 07/24/2012

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I agree. That is rude and tactless. She sounds like she needs some prayer. Wow....

Rebecca - posted on 07/21/2012

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that is rude. i have 4 children 3 girls and a boy i only wanted 4 children and thats wot ive got had my tubes tied because my dr says im very fertile but my husband and i cannot afford more children nor do we want them and as i had all c section dr recommended it as may be danger to my health if i was to become pregnant again i am 24 now i had my first child 3 days b4 my 19th birthday wen i was in the first trimester with her i caught the flu and with morning sickness combined my husband made me go to hospital wen we got up to the womens ward the nurses took my huband aside and told him to get rid of the baby without my knowledge all i heard from my hospital bed was my husband yelling at the nurses in turkish none of which i can understand wen he came to see me he told me and i was furious the nurses were very severly repromanded for their comments. i am a very strong believer of once a baby is concieved it is a life and am against abortion however i no not every1 shares this view. i here 4 is alot all the time and then straight after i get have you had your tubes tied even tho it none of their business.

Melissa - posted on 07/19/2012

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Ugh.
I wouldn't say that to someone who was on their 10th kid, especially if I consider them my friend. Your fertility is none of her business; point blank. Maybe she is jealous of your family and the hormones "help" her find some way to lash out. I apparently made my best friend cry when I was pregnant, she didn't tell me until after. I made her feel stupid in regards to her not knowing about medical issues when she works in health care and I didn't think I should have to explain something that was going on with my mom to her. In reality I was upset because my mother and grandmother were sick and I had no help with my other child or time to focus on my pregnancy. I asked the best friend to plan a baby shower (we really needed it) because my mother wasn't able to, and she didn't really even try. I was mad about something else, but I lashed out about something completely irrelevant. It was definitely those hormones!

Emily - posted on 07/17/2012

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When you say "friend", I'm hope you don't mean "good friend". This woman may need to become "a woman I know". Good luck.

Mindy - posted on 07/12/2012

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Sounds to like not much of a friend. Maybe it's best to be apart for a while. I think I would put more effort into my friends that fill my cup, not drain it dry!

Melissa - posted on 07/12/2012

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I "had" a friend that was rude when the attention was taken off her....
She is rude but, let her know you felt it was but let her know you are there for her and excited to share the experience...if she is still rude, attention grabbing and negative Drop her as your friend. This is the last thing you need in your life!

Jeana - posted on 07/10/2012

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Wow! I think I would have came back with so gonna finally keep one? Very rude

Ruth - posted on 07/07/2012

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HAHAHA Im a mother of 3 soon too be 4 if my little bean sticks I would of been like a snorting bull if she would of said that too me!!!

Lillian - posted on 07/06/2012

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I would not get offended for her ignorance. If I was you I would answer " Thank you girly or whatever you call her 3 is great we can handle it. Sterilization oh... no.... thats a big step and I don't think I'm ready for that. " I know you know you have an idiot for a friend especially coming from someone that doesn't know who the baby daddy is. Not a great reputation on her part. I would slowly stray away from her you don't want her to take you for a babysitter because she doesn't like motherhood. lol Good luck

Sarah - posted on 07/06/2012

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LOL! Just remember this comment is comming from someone who kills her own offspring! She has the audasity to judge YOU??

Mary Farina - posted on 07/06/2012

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Regardless of eithers past that is a rude statement to be said to anyone let alone a friend. I would distance myself, friends arent supposed to be hurtful to each other.

Kristen - posted on 07/05/2012

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I would be extremely offended! Friends are susposed to be happy for us when we're happy, cry with us when we are sad etc... Not like that. I HAD a "friend" like this, don't need her negativity in my life when I'm aiming for the stars with YES, My 3 kids. 6, 2 & 9mths. So we are close too. It's hard but very doable. So congrats! :) Maybe she's a tad bit jeal;ous of your happy life? Just a thought?

Bobmusicgirl4 - posted on 07/05/2012

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Joke or not, I think she definitely crossed a boundary that shouldn't be crossed. It's aiken to asking a overweight woman how far along she is. Just don't do it. If you want to get your tubes tied that is a very private decision between you and your husband....I would respond with- "Well actually hon, women don't get sterilized- they get tubes tied. Thanks for your concern, it however was not needed." That should tell her the comment was not only inappropriate but also none of her concern.

Sarah - posted on 07/04/2012

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I wonder why you would be friends with someone like that? It is very rude. I wouldn't want to share any of my joy with someone like that, which means I likely wouldn't be friends with someone like that. I also wonder why with such a irresponsible lifestyle how she would fit in with yours?

Leslie - posted on 07/04/2012

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I'm pregnant with my second, almost 14 weeks along, :) and I find that I get offended at some things that normally don't so I don't know how much to take my advice into consideration, but seeing others have also said the same thing I feel pretty safe to say I would have been very offended. Babies are so special and as moms we love each child we recieve and it's not bad if some of us want to have small or big families as long as we can provide safety, love, and support for them I think. It seems pretty rude to have said that.

Angela - posted on 07/03/2012

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Yeah I would have taken that as offensive,. Congratulations BTW. I am pregnant with my 4th pregnancy, we just found out it is twins and every one is giving me hell and saying that I should take my hubby to the vet or me and I was annoyed, we are married and have planned all our children down to them being close in age and the age gap and all that and still they treat us asthough we are careless, I feel for you, children are a bleesing and 3 kids are great. To me she took the easy way out and you are in the right position to have 3 kids hope all goes well chin up.

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That's rude. I would of told her

"I don't understand why you said that but you shouldn't talk when your situation is far worst. Aborting 3 and now keeping your 4th but don't know your baby's father. Now that's a shame and painful when your child ask whose daddy. Good luck with that and hope you tie your tubes cause you have aborted a lot. You will need it or close your legs." lol I am so rude too.

Michelle - posted on 07/02/2012

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I would say it's lack of knowledge and inexperience. Once she's had her child and has become a mum herself then maybe her whole attitude will change!!!

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That was rude and tactless. She cannot comment on your reproductivity and as long as you can afford to and care for more children, then nobody else has a right to comment on that either. Congrats on baby #3!!!

Alexis - posted on 07/02/2012

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It may have been a joke or sarcasm, its hard to tell via text and not knowing the woman. She may also have a different perspective on things and how many kids one should have: hence the abortions (i of course don't know her real motives.) Then again, she may just be a rude person.

Johanna - posted on 07/02/2012

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I think it all depends on the "friend". She could have been joking. It all depends on her. Use your judgement.

Louise - posted on 07/01/2012

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wow,shed have a shock if she met me then .lol.
Ive got 7 and i get alot of that sort of comments,but i believe people get jelous sometimes to.Like you im happily married and have been for 11 years this year.Just cause she didnt want a few kids she should but out of your affairs.You have as many kids as you and your hubby want.You look after them and presumably provide for them as well (like us)

Any decent friend would of been made up for you,explain to her how shes made you feel,i always say- you should always be able to speak your mind to a true friend without offending them.
congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck with your friend
p.s-kindly remind her that if she doesnt want babies to use protection as abortions are not a form of birth control

Michelle - posted on 06/28/2012

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I can't tell you how many times I've gotten what I consider rude and out of line questions from perfect strangers upon hearing I have six kids (they're 19, 17, 14, 12, 11 and 9; 5 boys, 1 girl). But the one that set my teeth on edge the most was a woman I didn't know asking (in a quite nasty tone of voice) "Do they all have the same father?" Being the smarty pants I am my response was "Well the first four do, but I'm not sure about the last two." That shut her up. THEN I told her "yes, they all have the same father and you're an ignorant woman for thinking it was ok to ask a perfect stranger such a question!"

Jeannie - posted on 06/28/2012

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I have 5 girls..granted all but the first two are spaced out so really its not as hard as people jump to the conclusion of thinking. My oldest is 19, then 17, 12, 8, and finally 2. But constantly I get comments when I say I have 5 girls like You poor thing or I don't envy you. I usually just comment back actually its pretty great :P . Still often I get offended or feel it is rude some of the comments that I get but I also try to keep in mind for them its probably insane to think of having so many kids. Often I get even mothers saying things like I can barely handle the one (or two) I have I can't imagine having 5. And there is the issue most can't. I agree it was tactless but I think she is just barely able to see herself with one, so to her having three is just insane. If she is your friend I would hope she didn't mean it as bad as it came off. I have a best friend..she can have foot in mouth syndrome herself at times and I am sure I myself have said something think-less at times. I think she just needs to learn to think before she speaks.

Michelle - posted on 06/28/2012

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Absolutely RUDE! I have six kids all of them three or less years apart. And my former SIL (I'm now divorced) asked me if I was going to get "fixed" now when I announced I was preggers with my 5th, I told her where to shove it. It's NO ONE'S business how many kids someone has.

Tammy - posted on 06/28/2012

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Wow! This is a very frustrating for you knowing her history. How would anyone react to positive way on this comment. I have six kids,married 21 years and have had a lot of comments said to me. But I would have found this comment hard to refrain myself to return a calm response back to her. Good Luck sweetie on this one. But its not your pregnancy hormones on this. Its littererly selfish on her part. ♥

Lisa - posted on 06/27/2012

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That is horrible! I don't know if she meant that as a joke but even if she did, that is extremely rude! Maybe she thinks 3 kids is more than enough, but there are people in this world who'd love to have a big and happy family. Yes, I will definitely be offended by that reply. She must be jealous she had to abort her 3 previous babies.

Toni - posted on 06/25/2012

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That doesn't sound like something a friend would say. I would be extremely offended. It's not her place to tell you that you should get sterlized.. maybe she should consider, especially that she was using abortion as birth control. I'm sorry but I probably wouldn't talk to her after that kind of a statement.

Emma - posted on 06/25/2012

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No that is extremely rude. I would let her know that she really hurt your feelings. At 31 she should know better.

Shannon - posted on 06/25/2012

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I think it is really hard to know someone's tone over text, this can get a lot of people into trouble. Just sounds like a tasteless joke is all....I really wouldnt be offended. You sound like you're happy and really, thats all that matters...

Danielle - posted on 06/24/2012

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She has no room to talk and it's none of her business how many children you decide to have.

Ashley - posted on 06/23/2012

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Id be completely offended, prego or not.. And it seems that shes used abortion as a form of birthcontrol for a number of years.. thats gross. I would sit and re-evaluate if its even worth being friends with her or not. from her comment, she sounds like a crappy one anyway

Mandian - posted on 06/22/2012

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I find that rude. If you are happily married, love your kids, and can take care of them, why not have as many as you would like?

Robin - posted on 06/20/2012

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you are a better woman that i am cuz if she had said that to me i would have told her she was a baby killer and she should have been forced to be sterilized after she murdered her first baby! and not been given the chance to kill a second. let alone a third

Monica - posted on 06/20/2012

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It is rude. Especially coming from a woman who's aborted her past pregnancies. My closest friend as well gave her child up By the way she's still with the guy. she didnt' want to have her unborn child because she was going to graduate college soon.. >_< Ugh.

Patricia - posted on 06/20/2012

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and i agree give her the flick congrats on your new little one and i hope you have more if you want to i have 10 kids wouldn't change that for the world

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