SAHM blues! Help please.

Cristina - posted on 09/29/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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This is the thing, I have always worked, and for the past two years have been home taking care of the house, kid, hubby, laundry, breakfast ,lunch, dinner, you name it, I even do the yard work because my husband gets home everyday after sundown.



This is the thing, from a while back ,I have been feeling my soul, (yes, my soul) loosing meaning, feeling depressed, having to ask my husband for money for anything from diapers to milk, makes me so annoyed, just because he always throws the voice to the sky like if I'm asking him for money to buy shoes or a purse or some diamond earrings, I know we are in a monetary rutt and he is indeed the one working, but I honestly feel that I work so hard all day with no real break, and get no validation for what I do all 24 hrs.

He want's me to work, i would like to do so, but around here the daycare centers are so expensive, and I know that the pay I get will be paying just for about that. Plus I don't really know if it's the first time mom thing, but i fear that someone may harm my boy, like I always see on the news.

Please if some of you mums went or are going through something alike, give me some advice to get through this, I have no emotional backing at this time from no one.

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Crystal - posted on 09/30/2009

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Hello you are not alone!! I have 4 childen and all with in 6 years. I went from being a spoiled princess to being a mom with no instructions on how to deal with baby blues or feeling like life was passing me by and i was stuck here for next 18 years. all i can say is your doing the best thing a mother can do which is looking out for her children me myself do not allow anyone to watch my children other than there dad. you also need to schedule a couple of hours for you to do something you enjoy..wrether its going to a movie or going to the mall to get pampered it will make you feel freshed and its good to have a little me time..hope this helps

Alica - posted on 09/30/2009

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Hi Cristina, I think that every SAHM feels the same way!! I used to feel guilty about wanting to buy something special for myself, like I didn't deserve it since I didn't 'earn' the money!! I am now a WAHM, and make my own money!! I love it!! I don't have to worry about daycare, and I can bring in the extra money that is needed!! If you are interested in learning more, please e-mail me at aagreer@sbcglobal.net.

Kelly - posted on 09/29/2009

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I hear you! After my second child, I decided to quit my full-time, demanding, great paying, stressful, yet fullfulling job in the corporate world to be a stay at home mom. After about a year of being home, I started to feel like you. I didn't have my "own" money, I was home all day long, and I felt that all I did was cook, clean, change diapers and do laundry. I needed something that was for ME. I didn't want to go back to work full-time, but I wanted to do something where I could still stay home. A friend of mine introduced me to Avon. I had never thought about having my own business, but I thought what the heck... the startup cost is only the cost of a dinner ($20 online), I don't have to carry any inventory, I don't have to make any sales quotas, I don't have to attend any meetings or host any in-home parties and they have products for my whole family. So, I signed up to sell Avon, just to do something and make a little extra money. All I can say is, I wish I would have done it years ago. I have now been selling Avon for almost 2 years, I work when I want, I can take my kids with me if I have to deliver product or books, I get adult interaction and I make great money on top of it all.

If you would like more information or have questions, feel free to email me. I love sharing the Avon opportunity with others because it has been such a great addition to me and my family. As a Unit Leader, I also have the access to do online signups, so if you are interested, I can send you the link & reference code to register.



Anyway, feel free to email me if you would like more info.

Take Care!



Kelly

Avon Independent Sales Representative

Unit Leader / President's Club Member

Certified Beauty Advisor

www.youravon.com/kbusch

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Your hubby should definitely value what you do at home; it's a lot of work. See if you can find a local mom who does daycare out of her home; those are often safer in my opinion b/c it's a small number of kids to be looked after and more personal. Try calling your local family services for information. All daycares, private and public, have to register. Also try hooking up with mommy groups like mommyandme or momslikeme. Search the internet for ones in your area. You might find new friends, as well as a babysitter in case you find that job!

Laura - posted on 10/07/2009

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Quoting summer:

im going through the same exact thing.... and i have yet to figure it out,... everyone tells me its normal, its fine blah blah blah, but i get no advice,,,, if you get any will you please pass it along?



For me personally, the busier I keep myself, the less time I have to feel depressed or sit and feel sorry for myself.  I try to go to every possible playdate, function, etc. that I hear about within my circle of friends and community.  For me, I go crazy if I sit home for more than a day.  It does wear me out, but for me, it's better than feeling depressed or bored.  I used to sort of struggle with my social skills, but now that I've forced myself to get out there for quite some time now, I feel a lot more outgoing, and am even planning/organizing events myself.

Savannah - posted on 10/06/2009

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I know exactly how you feel, you just took the words right out of my mouth. Its not fair that all of us moms stay at home and do EVERYTHING, hell I even serve him his dinner and we are still unappreciated because we dont bring home the bacon. Its a bunch of BS if you ask me and it isnt fun having to ask for money either. I dont really have any advice because im dealing with the same thing and also in a rut, but I just had to get it out that you are not the only one. Good Luck

Erika - posted on 10/06/2009

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Hi Cristina,
I know how you feel. It's not easy being a SAHM. I've also been a SAHM for 2 years. I have a 2 year old son and 7 month old daughter. I also work from home. I work with an amazing team of Moms. I love it because I have adult interaction while I'm home and I get to make money too. Do you ever have any alone time? I make sure to get my nails & toes done every couple of weeks to get away and pamper myself. Every Mommy needs their alone time. Message me if you ever need to chat.

Erika
Proud Member of Internet Ceo Moms
www.4MyFamilyandMe.com
Everything is possible when you have Faith!

Summer - posted on 10/05/2009

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im going through the same exact thing.... and i have yet to figure it out,... everyone tells me its normal, its fine blah blah blah, but i get no advice,,,, if you get any will you please pass it along?

Cristina - posted on 10/03/2009

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Thank you ladies, I spoke to my husband and we are going to try and do more things alone just us two,and he is going to keep the house for a weekend so I can go visit some friends, so, it was a good talk. thanks again, for the help.

Darci - posted on 09/29/2009

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I was formerly a teacher, and I resigned from my position the spring before my first child (daughter was born December 2005)... That was a little over 4 years ago, and I am currently a SAHM to 3 small children. The first couple years of being a SAHM were a huge adjustment for me. I didn't have too many connections with people other than my husband and my small child. I must say that I've had moments of the blues off at on at various time throughout the four years.

This fall has been the best as far as feeling good spiritually, mentally and physically! I have become a busy SAHM, and I love what I do. I have also connected with other moms who do what I do, and it's helped immensely. My oldest daughter (3-years old) started preschool at the beginning of the month on Tuesday and Thursday mornings at our church for 3 hours (she is in a class with 5 students)... she loves it, and I love that she loves it. For about an hour that she is gone, the rest of us at home (me, my son who is 2 1/2-years old, and my daughter who is 4 1/2 months old) have a playdate with a new friend (former teacher who is new to town) and her son who is also 2 1/2-years old. Tuesday at her house, and Thursdays at my house. Then, on Wednesday mornings, we go to story hour at the library... we have been doing this since my oldest was about 20 months old... it took a little whle to get her to sit still and pay attention, but all the battles were well worth it. Then, on Friday mornings, we go to a local park to meet with other mothers of preschoolers who I have met through the story hour. Being busy and meeting other moms with preschoolers have been a breath of fresh air for me this year.

I have also spent some time substitute teaching, and friends from church have watched my children when I have been teaching at school. I love teaching, and I really miss it, but I know that the right place for me is to be home with my children... which I have grown to love. It definitely didn't start out that way, but as my children have grown and changed, I have realized that I wouldn't want to miss these years with my children for anything.

As for money, my husband makes a reasonable amount of money but it is "our money". Sometimes, he thinks that he deserves to buy things for himself with the money... because he is the one that earns it. But, I have never felt that he finds purchasing things for the children to be a burden to him. Though we sometimes have discussions about whether our child needs the amount the shoes are going to cost... but he trusts my judgement in the end, usually. He also has the mentality that we are "rich" though we may be broke, we are still rich. I love this about it. We love listening to Dave Ramsey, and we try to follow his baby steps (though we aren't perfect at them by any means)... we use his suggestions more as a "What would Dave say?" when it comes to spending money.

Hope this helps. All that said, I would have to agree that being a SAHM is the hardest, most rewarding job I have EVER had... but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's 9:45 pm, and I have a house to clean... but it's quiet and the kids won't be messing it up behind me. Messes will wait... kids are only small once!

TNell - posted on 09/29/2009

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When I had my second child I also stopped working and to be honest the ony thing that got me through was MOPS. Mothers of Preschoolers was my only outlet where I could get a small break and be able to talk with other moms in simaler situations. What you are going through is completly normal. At one point I sat down with my husband and explained NICELY that he had an 8 hour job, 5 days a week with breaks. My job was 24/7 no breaks and that I was going crazy. I now get Thursday nights as my "mommy" time and it has helped tremendously! (Hint, don't let the kids give you a guilt trip for your mommy time either! They are good at that, but you need time away so that you can deal with life in general!) Know that Jesus loves you and I am praying for you!

Andrea - posted on 09/29/2009

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I feel your SAHM blues pain, I really do. I dont have alot of advice for you except to say you are not alone. Especially with the money thing. We have 4 kids, and there is no way I would be able to afford daycare if I was to work. But you do find ways around it. As for the daycare, do you have any family that you trust willing to help out? Or you could always work from home and pay someone to come to your house to help out with your little one that way you are still nearby and sort of "supervising" the sitter. I get anxious when I think of leaving my kids with someone unknown too. I would also really sit down with your husband and talk to him about how hard things are for you to do everything around there. My husband was laid off for a while and after the first week at home he was amazed at how much I did all day every day. I really dont think the men in our lives understand how hard sahm's have it and everything that goes into having a hoesehold run smoothly with them gona all day. I think ALL sahm's have similar thoughts like you are having right now. But it helps to know you are not alone, and once your little one starts school you will have so much time on your hands you are gonna miss those early days when you were running around busy all day!

User - posted on 09/29/2009

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Hi, SAHM BLUES! You are not alone! I have 3 children born all within 3 years! I went from a newly wed of 21 to a mother of 3 in 4 years! My husband also works, but on night shoft so he works all night and sleeps all day! It is not a first time mother thing to feel like someone might harm your child. I am the same way and nothing has changed or made it any different the more children I have. My husband also talks of me gettin a job he says," What happened to the girl I married who worked 2 jobs just so she could make as much moiney as me.." Welp I tell him now I work 3 jobs that never end and there is no vacation from. I too do the yard work, pay bills, grocery shop, clean, cook, laundry...you name it, I do it. You are not alone. I often feel the same way...like I would love to go out and be able to make my OWN money, and feel pride in that again. Its so hard when it comes to say his birthday and your supposed to buy him a present with his own money..I feel bad because I feel like I should be satisfied with raiseing my kids to become good, successful people at the same time I feel like Im loosing me. Its hard a mom is never on vacation and honestly I dont think anyone will ever understand the challenge of being a stay at home mom. I hope this might help you some...Just maybe knowing you are not alone...!!

 



 



 



 



 



Quoting Cristina:
 



 



 



 




SAHM blues! Help please.

This is the thing, I have always worked, and for the past two years have been home taking care of the house kid, hubby, laundry, breakfast ,lunch, dinner, you name it, I even do the yard work because my husband gets home everyday after sunset.
This is the thing, from a while back I have been feeling my soul, (yes, my soul) loosing meaning, feeling depressed, having to ask my husband for money for anything from diapers to milk, makes me so annoyed, just because he always throws the voice to the sky like if I'm asking him for money to buy shoes or a purse or some diamond earrings, I know we are in a monetary rutt and he is indeed the one working, but I honestly feel that I work so hard all day with no real break, and get no validation for what I do all 24 hrs.
He want's me to work, i would like to do so, but around here the daycare centers are so expensive, and I know that the pay I get will be paying just for about that. Plus I don't really know if it's the first time mom thing, but i fear that someone may harm my boy, like I always see on the news.
lease if some of you mums went or are going through something alike, give me some advice to get through this, I have no emotional backing at this time from no one.





 

Andrea - posted on 09/29/2009

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I feel your SAHM blues pain, I really do. I dont have alot of advice for you except to say you are not alone. Especially with the money thing. We have 4 kids, and there is no way I would be able to afford daycare if I was to work. But you do find ways around it. As for the daycare, do you have any family that you trust willing to help out? Or you could always work from home and pay someone to come to your house to help out with your little one that way you are still nearby and sort of "supervising" the sitter. I get anxious when I think of leaving my kids with someone unknown too. I would also really sit down with your husband and talk to him about how hard things are for you to do everything around there. My husband was laid off for a while and after the first week at home he was amazed at how much I did all day every day. I really dont think the men in our lives understand how hard sahm's have it and everything that goes into having a hoesehold run smoothly with them gona all day. I think ALL sahm's have similar thoughts like you are having right now. But it helps to know you are not alone, and once your little one starts school you will have so much time on your hands you are gonna miss those early days when you were running around busy all day!

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