SAHM! Feeling low at this point :(

Flora - posted on 04/30/2011 ( 20 moms have responded )

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why do i feel like all i know how to do now is just be a mother and a wife I dont go out like i use to and I feel like i have no friends or family to run to...i only communicate with them on Facebook most of them don't live by me and I'm afraid to drive because i feel i have a compulsive thinking and obsessive thinking so its stops me from driving...so instead of me visiting them they always have to come to me and i think there fed up with it and i dont want to be a burden to any one...im just feeling really depressed at this point of my life idk what to do any more...sometimes i feel like a failure to my boys and husband...i guess this is the only place i can vent to so please no negativity on the comments ive had enough of those thnx

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Marlene - posted on 05/02/2011

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Sorry to hear you feel this way too .. I thought it was just me!!! You're not alone!!! My husband tells me to get out of the house more .. problem is where do I go?? I too have no friends here and most of my time is spent taking care of my kids and/or the house. I'm thinking of going back to school in the fall and I'm also looking to join some sort of book club (since I love to read). Good luck!!!!

Erin - posted on 05/02/2011

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Hi Flora, I agree with Liz. You should see a doctor or counselor or phyciatric nurse. When the way you are feeling is affecting your way of life and coming in between you functioning properly, it's becomes a disorder. And it sounds as if you are isolating yourself from others too. I suffered from PPD, which didn't hit until I was 4 or 5 months post partum. So be careful. It's hard to be a sahm with a depressive mood, but it is manageable. It would be best to see a doctor first, and if they believe you have a type of depression, be careful which medications you try. Some of them are absolutely painful to come off, and it takes a while for you to find one that works.
In the mean time, make yourself a routine. Go to bed at the same time every night. That really helped me. Wake up at the same time too. Remember, for hours of sleep, 6 is to little, 9 is too much, 7 and 8 are just great! Take care keep us posted on how you're doing :)

Kristi - posted on 05/02/2011

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I am very sorry to hear that you feel that way. You are not a failure at all.I am sure your friends, if they love and care for you as I am sure they do, don't mind coming to you. We all go through tough times and that's why we need friends and a support system. Seeing a doctor as some others have suggested might be a good idea. I don't know anything about your community but are there community centers that offer activities for you and your boys so that you can get out and socialize? I think getting out of the house is really important and having the ability to interact with others is healthy and much needed. Take care of yourself and know that you are loved.

Alexis - posted on 04/30/2011

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Im sorry, perhaps its being stuck in the house that is making it worse. Have you tried starting by just going for walks with or without your kids if possible? Perhaps taking on a hobby you can do at home? Maybe a friend\family can pick you guys up and you can go somewhere? Hopefully this will be the start of getting out of this feeling and soon you could head out on your own or just feel refreshed and ready to take on the world!

Liz - posted on 04/30/2011

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Oh sweetie! I'm on bedrest right now with this baby so i feel your pain. If you explain to your friends your feelings on the leaving the house, chances are they wont mind coming to you. It means they dont have to clean their house make coffee or clean up a mess afterwards. Who wouldnt agree!

I would strongly recommend you see a doctor. These feelings are keeping you from living your life, there has to be some way to make them go away or lessen their hold on you. Keep strong! You can do this!!! Set up skype dates with friends, have a coffee shop date and have all your friends over. But dont suffer alone.

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Flora - posted on 05/04/2011

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I just want to thank you all for the positive feedback it really made my day n i believe it is my hormones because either my period is coming or i am pregnant lol...but reading all of your comments i realized y im unhappy....because ive been living with my mother in law for almost 5 years and because she is a hard core Christian i had to hide my true self around her because she was intimidating and i jst let go of my self...and in the beginning of my marriage my hubby didnt like going out at all i had 2 beg him to go to family and friend partys and thats what i loved doing going out and dancing and having fun with friends and sometimes with my family oh yea and also in the beginning of our marriage it was all about his family every holiday or birthdays was mostly spent with his family...now i know why im not happy because these people especially my M-I-L stopped me from being me...and also because where gonna be living with her till march of 2012 and it feel like forever...i just cant wait to leave this house and move into my own where i can be me and be the mother that i want to be not the mother she wants me to be and jst feel free but man dose it seem for ever thts whts making me depressed all a day

Heather - posted on 05/04/2011

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I tend to feel this way some days. Yesterday I thought I was going crazy, turns out my period was coming. Our hormones do rule our worlds.

I like to keep projects. Right now I am taking up 1/2 the garage with my ottoman project. I am turning it into a storage ottoman. I sent my husband out to get the wood. And I slowly work on these projects during naptime. Plus it keeps my mind busy with planning. Using a hammer is a good stress reducer. If you are into building furniture, check out: ana-white.com



Driving is too expensive these days!

Jennifer - posted on 05/04/2011

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sometimes being a sahm sucks but it is the choice we make because we think it is the right thing to do.... raise your head up high, you do a harder job than anyone out there! go get some therapy and maybe something to help you relax. i stay home with my 1yr old and 2 yr old and i have a 6 and 8 yr old in school as well, some days i just want to throw in the towel, i yell, i scream, i am not the role model i want to be. but then i take step back, take a breath and remind myself and my kids that is not the way to handle a stressful situation, i get us all involved in some thing like play-doh or playing in the back yard, i let myself forget for a while that laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting and making dinner needs done and then just survive and try my best to do my best for now....

Meg - posted on 05/04/2011

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I know the feeling. Some suggestions are going out for a walk for a half hour a day. Also, looking for playgroups or moms groups. Is there anything you use to enjoy doing. Get involved in something. It is hard to make "me" time. Also, maybe take a one night vacation somewhere by yourself. Hope these ideas help.

April - posted on 05/03/2011

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I'm sorry you feel that way :( It's hard being a SAHM sometimes especially when we feel so alone. My family is living on another continent so i hardly get to see them, all i have is skype. The people in your life know that you are busy and that you can't just drop everything to go visit them all of the time so i'm sure they don't think you are a burden if they visit you. My friends visit me all the time and they don't mind at all, they love to see my kids and play with them.

I think what you need is some much needed "me" time. Go out and do something for yourself. Every mother needs that. Your not a failure for being human. What your feeling is just something that you truly need to express and it's okay for you to want to go out and do things for yourself. Your husband and kids will be so happy if they see you are happy too. I bet your a great mother. Good luck, hope you feel better soon :)

Jennifer - posted on 05/03/2011

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Oh Flora! You are a blessing to your family! You are doing what is right and good. And I do know how you feel, we all feel like that sometimes. Our culture says being a SAHM is not important, how untrue! Don't let the good that you are doing become wearisome to you!
I'll be praying for you!
Jennifer

Victoria - posted on 05/03/2011

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Just keep in mind that this is a short stage in your life! Pretty soon, your kids will need you a little less, and you will be able to do things for yourself. I do agree though, that you should talk to a doctor about the depression that you are feeling just to get a professional opinion. And keep in mind also that you are not alone in your feelings. Even the mom that you look up to may have similar feelings. We all do at some point! And maybe getting a little exercise will do your mind some good and help to clear it. Go for a long walk or take up jogging. Do some things just for you! We are here for you!

Deirdre - posted on 05/03/2011

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I'm no doctor, but I think you have some sort of clinical depression that could be helped greatly by seeing a counselor and/or taking antidepressants. I have been on antidepressants since by son was about 10 months old (he's 17 months now) and they have helped me a lot. I also saw a counselor for a few months to talk some of my issues out. I definitely can relate to your feelings and I hope you can get some help to make yourself feel "normal" again.

Katy - posted on 05/03/2011

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You need to get out! I remember feeling the same way. Isolation only makes you feel worse. I am a SAHM a nanny, and all of my family lives out of state, so I'm generally very isolated. Before we had a car I never got a chance to leave the house, and it made me dangerously depressed. Once we decided to get a car I made a point of getting out more and trying to meet other moms through my church, and I think it saved my life and my child's. Going grocery shopping is seriously one of my favorite things to do now.

Angela - posted on 05/03/2011

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I feel for ya. I am a stay at home mom. I have a 19 mth old and a 7 yr old she goes to school. My only conversation just about all day is with the baby. My husband is gone anywhere 2 weeks to 2 months at a time. I have no friends me and my sisters don't talk much and my mother had bipolar u can only talk to her so long. So I stay in the house all day until I go and pick up the 7 yr old. My husband says get out and met people its like where do u go and meet them. Most people already have enough friends. I hope everything works out for u.

Tracie - posted on 05/02/2011

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Being a SAHM can be such a servile grind. It's so easy to fall into a big fat rut and feel like there's no way out of it. Sounds to me like you could benefit from counseling, just to sort out your feelings with a neutral party who might be able to help you see things that you're too close to see. Since you don't drive, you can always find a therapist who will do sessions over the phone. There are lots of them.

You have the absolute hardest job in the world. It is never ending and critical that you perform well. Lives literally depend on it. That's a huge responsibility, and if you never get a break from that, it can really crush your spirit.

You are NOT a failure!! You are just on the housework treadmill and wondering why you're not getting anywhere. ;-)

You are a strong, capable person. You've gotten this far, haven't you? Take a walk around the block. Get some fresh air. Get your blood pumping. Talk to a therapist. It will do you a world of good and you are SO WORTH IT!!

Good luck to you!!

Chrissie - posted on 05/02/2011

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Man that would make me feel terrible too. I would express to everyone why you do the things you do any maybe that will give them some insight on where you're coming from. Hopefully some of your friends are true enough to stick by you through this.

Toni - posted on 05/02/2011

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I have been there. You need to shake things up! You need to have dad stay with the kids and go out and have some fun, see a movie, shop, do whatever you like. Then, do things a little different at home. Talk to your husband, and let him know how you are feeling. You need his support. THere are anxiety pills you can take to help with the driving. Then you would feel a little more free. Good Luck!!

Jamie - posted on 04/30/2011

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You just wrote the same words I've been thinking for years. We've moved so much over the past few year that I've lost way too many friends. My best friend lives 2 hours away and we see each other maybe once a year and she doesn't even have children and isn't married. I too don't drive and am trapped in my house all day. I used to walk to a few stores and the library but our last move has stranded me too far away from anything. Even worse soon I won't even have internet access for a few months.

I assure you that you are not alone. I know that you feel like you're on autopilot all day and just going through the motions. You don't even want to do a hobby that used to make you happy because it feels like a waste. You don't want to talk to you DH about this because you don't want him to think that he is failing to make you happy and that he's doing something wrong. I wish I knew what to tell you but I don't other than you are not alone and it'll get better.

Constance - posted on 04/30/2011

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Flora you defidently are not alone. I am going through this as well right now. I have hardly any outlets to get my stess out. My mom lives close by but on average she 12 hour shifts 5 days a week. plus she lives almost an hour away from me. The only friend that lived a hop away has relasped and she has a new boyfriend that also uses. I can't be around it. I care too much to watch he kill herself. I don't drive alot because of the rain and when it is dark out. This is my outlet to vent and get eminded I am not alone in the world. But you do need to go to talk to a doctor about how you are feeling. It isn't healthy to feel this way and make sure you let friends and family know how you are feeling. They may not realize that you really feel this way.
But you have thousands of us to talk to so when you start feeling trapped make sure you talk to everyone. it will get better I promise.

Shannintipton - posted on 04/30/2011

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Hi Flora,
Sorry to hear your feeling this way, but I can totally relate. I dont drive much, I am the fender bender queen. I also dont do anything and I do that VERY well. Just ask my husband. I have 12 sets of PJ's. I find this a great place to vent. I hope you feel better soon. {:+)

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