SAHM going crazy rant

User - posted on 01/27/2018 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have 2 beautiful children who I love more then life. A son who is 3 and a daughter almost 2 (YES 18 MO APART I THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME) but im really going crazy. They fight and whine all day I get that is what kids do but omg my dd is so mean here lately. I need a brake bad. My husband is no help he works 50 hrs 2nd shift. So when he is home he sleeps until he has to go to work and I get yelled if the kids are to loud or if the sneak in the bedroom and I can forget if I need something from the room. When he does get a day off its no better he just sleeps longer and still gets mad he use to be great but now he is just an ass. Oh and we moved in with his grandma who has early alztimers who is just mean to my son cuz she forgets were she puts stuff and always blames him, but we have to help her out cuz she can't afford her house payments and she about cought the house on fire she is ok most days .but we have 1 bedroom to share so my DD sleeps in a pack in play and DS sleeps with me .we do have a living room but all the toys r in there. But back to the real reason why I told my husband I wanted to go back to work and put the kids in preschool or daycare and he won't let me he says why cuz u don't want to say home with them and I heard something on the line of lazy . When he says stuff like that I feel like a bad mom. I just want to say yeah I don't want to stay home not because I don't love my babies but because it's been really hard on me I feel like I'm traped In a box the only time I leave the house is to go shopping for food and of course I have both kids, and by luck he is home awake he won't keep both. I mean a few hours a few days a week would help so much. I think I'm depressed I have felt this way for years. I thought it would go away when my DD got better ( she was born with stage 3 liver cancer and it was hard on me) but I think it's got worse .I really wish I could leave sometimes (not that I would) but my DH has made it clear that I would not get my kids cuz he works and has a house and I have nothing. I hate myself so much.I shouldn't complain I should just be happy all the time and not lose my temper and take it out on my kids, I shouldn't be lazy, and I should just pretend that everything is ok. I have so much more to say but omg this thing is getting crazy long. Thank you to anybody that takes the time to read this stupid rant.

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Kassie - posted on 01/30/2018

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I am so sorry, is there any way your spouse will sit down and have an undivided conversation with you? Maybe if you take a LOOOONG drive and "trap" him in the car :)
I think having a part time job or even volunteering for something would help. Maybe a local church has some programs, and even offer childcare? I would definitely look into something like that. prayers!!!

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2018

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You really need to get your husband to understand that you can't do everything on your own. It took both of you to create the children and it takes both of you to raise them.
Therapy for yourself would help you through the feelings that you are going through. Your husband is being verbally abusive and you don't deserve to be downtrodden like he is doing. A husband should be supportive and someone you can rely on, not tiptoe around.
I also suggest you step back and have a good look at your relationship and decide if things will ever change or not. It took me a few years to realize that my ex was never going to change. He also put me down the whole time. Whatever I did was never good enough. It wasn't until I finally left that I realized what he was doing. You deserve to be happy.

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