Sanity and advice needed...

Leanna - posted on 06/16/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )

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Hi moms,
I've been having a rough spell of it with my 2 little ones. Tessa is 11 months and Logan is a little over 3. Between trying to clean the house, dealing with the terrible threes and bed wetting during naps (of which I thought we were beyond because of several months of success) and a teething toddler who gets into EVERYTHING, I truly think I'm going to lose my mind!! I've been home since my little girl was born and go back to work in the fall (I'm a HS German teacher) and as much as I love my kids and love my time at home, I have been feeling so lost in being a mom and a housekeeper, cook, etc. I feel like all I do is nag, discipline, and deal with messes and I don't know what to do...I feel like crying sometimes, but what good will that do, right? I guess I just need guidance or words of encouragement or SOMETHING! Thanks!

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Angela - posted on 06/16/2010

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Remember that you are probably doing a lot better than you think. Some days are better than others, some days it feels like you are being tested like no other! Hang in there, this phase won't last long. I know it is hard to keep the kids from making a mess and getting into things, but the discipline is important - if you keep that up it will get easier as time goes on. Remember that things are not going to be perfect, and maybe it would be a good idea to ease up on the housework? Then again - I'm terrible at housework! Do you have any gates where you can gate off one room of the house? A family member of mine has a rule - no kids in the kitchen. When it is tough to keep up after several little toddlers/preschoolers having one clean/quiet room in the house can be a sanity saver!

Jane - posted on 06/17/2010

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i meant to type "egg carton" not milk carton. sorry! she likes the way the rocks sit in the little spots.

Jane - posted on 06/16/2010

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cry - it relieves stress, it's good for your body. it is a lot to deal with. your kids are about the same age as ours and that is pretty much what i do, clean up one mess after the next and try to keep the 3 yr old from becoming a brat. see if you can get out once a day w/them for a walk or to a nearby park so they can get rid of their energy. even trips to the store are adventureous for them and it can save your sanity. our 3 yr old loves to collect rocks outside - whatever, i put the little one in her stroller and i give the 3 yr old an empty milk carton and sit outside while she does it. keeps her happy and then we come inside, i plop her at the table and she paints the rocks. the little one chews on the paint brushes. whatever, gives me a mental health break . sometimes they're just bored.

we've all been there! you're not the only one!

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Erika - posted on 06/17/2010

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Hi Leanna,
I totally understand how you feel. We all have our ups and downs. I think it's especially harder when you have two little ones close in age. Mine are 19 months apart, so I know what it's like to have them get into everything.

Try going for walks when you need a break and can't get your alone time. That helps me. I also get my nails, pedicure, and eybrows done every few weeks. That is my time to relax and enjoy my Mommy time. Find something that helps you relax and do it every once in a while. I think it makes me a better Mommy. It's nice getting home after relaxing.

Hope this helps a bit.

Erika
http://www.ErikaCarrillo.com

Nayuribe - posted on 06/17/2010

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DATE NIGHT!!! it's kinda saved my relationship with my boyfriend, we try to go out atlest once a month, twice if we can. and i like getting dressed-up, he doesn't understand why i do it, even when we're just popping out for half an hour to a local pizza place.
and i agree, CRY, CRY!!! it's cleansing!

Sarah - posted on 06/17/2010

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I remember a time when I was really stressed. We were leaving for vacation soon and there were a TON of things that needed to get done. On top of the normal vacation stuff to get ready more things kept coming at me to get done. I was in tears just trying to figure out how I was going to do all this before we were to leave. That evening me and my two kids were at the mall trying to accomplish some of the things on the to do list. The kids wanted to see a movie normally I would have just said no we need to get our stuff done, but that evening I decided that we all needed that movie. Even though everything on that list was still there when the movie was over I was able to feel like I could do it. So when life feels like it is about to break you take that "time-out" and do something fun. Go to the pool, park, movie, mall play area, ice cream shop....anywhere that would be a treat and something you don't do on a regular basis.

Also know that this is just a stage you are in and as your kids get older life will change. I do daycare for preschool age and under and you just described my day. 11 months is hard because they are getting into everything, but not understanding "no" really yet. 3 is hard because they are testing and that potty training can seem like it will NEVER come. My kids are 12 and 8....they do eventually get fully potty trained :). They do start to learn the word "no"....sorry to say they still try to test the limits. This stage will pass and you will be onto the next stage soon. Enjoy the sloppy kisses, the fun laughter, and the beautiful smiles. And call those girlfriends for a girls night out or get a sitter and do a date night. When you are wearing the days meals and snot for your accessories it feels nice to get dressed up and smell nice for a night.

Debi - posted on 06/17/2010

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You are doing great just remember that, It does get better I promise I am a stay at home mom I have 2 daughters 14 & 11 years old I keep 4 other babies/kids two are 1year old one will be 3 and a 6 year old. I keep them 7 days a week 13 hours a day so kind of have 6 kids instead of 2. I love kids and it has gotten easier but just remember no one got a hand book and we all mess up but just know your kids love you and you are a great mom :-)

Chelle - posted on 06/16/2010

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hi i am yet to discover how the juggling act will go having two little ones as i have a 19 month old and will have a baby come november.. The thing that comes through the most in your post is the sense you are losing who you are. With all the developmental stages your kidlets are going through, you feel like you have lost control and especially as your identity seems largely defined by motherhood at the moment (which of course as a mum, it always is). Is there any opportunities at all through out the day/night where you can do something just for yourself? When the kids are asleep at night? It can be anything, from big to small, a creative outlet is very good, reading a book you like, having a long relaxing bath- something that just reminds you that altho you are a mum you are also you too. Perhaps if you are able to regain some sense of control over an aspect of your life, these events may not hit you as hard?

I wish you all the luck and i admire everything that you have done. But remember housework can always wait, YOU are more important. So few mums look after themselves properly always putting their kids first, but a happy and well balanced mum is always the best thing for their kids anyways.

Good luck and i hope you are able to find some balance :)

Tina - posted on 06/16/2010

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Hello my name is Tina I am a full time stay at home mother. Have been since my now 4 1/2 year old daughter was born. I also have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 9 month old baby girl. I completely understand where you are coming from with the feeling of all you do is nag, clean, disicipline, etc.. I have days just like that but then when you look into the eyes of your precious blessings from GOD you know it is all worth it. I have gone through thte same thing as far as the bed wetting and my suggestion for that is to cut off drinks a certain length of time before naps and bed. I always did about an hour to hour and a half b4 sleep and make sure they used the potty right b4 they lay down. Sometimes it is ok just to cry. make sure your children are in a safe place for the little one her crib or playpen? and the older turn on a show he enjoys on the t.v for a few and just close yourself in your room or bathroom and cry. It is healthy to just let it all out when needed. Hope all goes well you will be in my prayers. God Bless!!

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