separation anxiety

User - posted on 06/09/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Someone please help me. My baby is a year old and for the past moment she cries EVERYTIME i leave her sight. She has the worst cause of separation anxiety. I was planning on going back to work when she turned a year old, but I can't even go to fill out job applications and leave her with one of her grandparents, because as soon as she sees me turn to leave, she starts screaming. I have no idea how I would ever find a daycare to keep her like this (I keep hoping if I can find a daycare with kids her age, she will not be so bad, but I can't even make this step, since she won't let me go job hunting.) Someone give me some hope this is a passing phase. I have to go back to work, so my husband can quit his job and go back to school. Does anyone have any tips, suggestions, etc?

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User - posted on 06/13/2012

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I'm trying to stick it out. I am not going to leave her cold turkey, but i am going to start leaving her with my mom for a little while every day. My mom is the only person who can take her crying and can sooth her some. Her daddy is off work for a few days this week, so we are going to work on it a little this week.

Miriam - posted on 06/13/2012

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Can you wait a couple of more months? My son was so panicked at 1 years old; not only he wouldn't let me wee alone but he wouldn't let me even talk to other people in a grocery shop! Especially if they were men. But that phase lasted only 3-4 month and is so independent now at nearly 2yrs of age. Don't worry, it will pass.

Sammy - posted on 06/11/2012

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Hang in there Crystal Le. It does get better and it will get easier to walk away with her crying. It did for me though sometimes I do want to run back in to grab him and take him with me.

User - posted on 06/11/2012

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I worry that she'll cry the whole time i'm gone. I'm glad to hear that she might quit within a few minutes. I might try this since my mom is out of school right now. Thanks for the encouragement!

Sammy - posted on 06/11/2012

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My son does the same thing. He is 20 months old. The best thing you can do is to give the person who will be keeping her advanced warning that she will be cranky for a while. Then when you are ready to go tell her that you have some things to do and that you will be back soon and that she is to stay with grandma and grandpa or whoever it is she is staying with, give her a kiss and a hug then walk out. Whatever you do though DO NOT go back inside to comfort her when she is screaming and crying. My son is a big mommy's boy and constantly wants to be with me. There have been times that I would make a fast trip to McDonalds or to the store for something and I just look at him or sit him down and tell him where I am going and that I won't be gone for a long time but that he had to stay here at home with his daddy. Then I would give him a kiss and walk out. Most of the time they stop crying a few minutes after you leave. There has only been once that my son has cried the whole time I was gone. All other times he stopped crying just a few minutes after I left. If you stay consistent with this then it will be no time and you can just drop her off at grandma's and say I'll see you later and leave and she won't cry at all.

Sara - posted on 06/10/2012

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they all go thru this phase.. my daughter did it for a while until she started spending time with other kids her age.. I would feel so bad and she would cry for a few minutes but then she was fine a few mins later. now, she is going to be 3 next month and the separation anxiety is worse than ever.. when I have to leave for class she cries for a minute but then she's fine after she's distracted.. maybe try even having the grandparent bring her in the other room for a treat while you sneak out the front door that way she won't even notice.. that's what i have to do sometimes still with my daughter. I'll just get my boyfriend to give her a piece of candy or bring her to color or something and she's fine..once she notices I'm gone then she'll wine a little bit but then she's fine. don't worry it will definitely pass once she realizes that it's ok that you're gone and that you will be back.

User - posted on 06/10/2012

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I understand she thinks i'm permanently gone if she can't see me. It does hurt my heart to hear her scream and hold her breath. Since my mom is out of school, maybe i can ease her into it if she can stand the screaming. Thank you.

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2012

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First of all she is just a year old and she is unsure of what is going on they all go through this stage. Leave her with the grandparents even if she starts to cry tell her mommy will be back in a little while and then give her a kiss and go. For warn her grandparents of the issue so that they are prepared for a cranky child who will more then likely get over your leaving minutes after you are gone. Kids learn fast that if they cry mommy will come back so that is what she is doing if you don't ever leave her than you will be causing her more harm than good by not teaching her to be independent of you other people are capable of caring for her and she needs to see that. I know her crying makes you feel bad and the reality is that is what it is meant for she cries you come back she gets her way. Be strong go find that job if that is what you truly want and stay positive this phase to shall pass.

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