Seperation Anxiety

Jess - posted on 03/21/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My daughter is 7 months old and has seperation anxiety. Nothing overwhelming, but if I'm in the room she would preffer to be with me than anyone else. If I'm not around she would preffer to be with her daddy than any other family or friends, which is understandable.



My daughter has a very set out bedtime routine, which she likes to have followed by the letter ! However I am the only person she will wants to have do that routine with her. Which means I have to feed her, bath her and put her to bed. Which is fine, but her daddy loves doing her bedtime routine. But if its not me, she gets histerical, refuses to eat. screams the whole time she has a bath and takes about an hour to get off to sleep..... and goes hungy !



I can't sit back and let her be so upset, Im happy to do her routine, but her father REFUSES to give her to me. He keeps saying "she needs to learn", she is 7 months old for crying out loud, She doesn't understand. She just wants her mummy !!! Her father would rather her scream for an hour so he can hold her than allow me to hold her and calm her down. He say's she can just "cry it out". This makes my blood boil.





I am right in demanding he give her back to me. I dont want the last thing she does for the day to be screaming and getting anxious and upset. I want her to have fun with her dinnner, enjoy her bath, splash in the tub and drift off to sleep happy and with a full belly !



Am I wrong in saying crying it out isn't going to solve the "problem". I think crying it out will make it worse and make her more anxious. I think she will grow out of it, with the right support and patience. I don't believe in crying it out at all, let alone with this. She wants me, I'm here !

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Emma - posted on 03/22/2010

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hi, Your partner may be feeling a little left out, especially if you're at home with her in the day whilst he's at work. I agree with you that it's not the best idea to get your daughter worked up before bed by letting her cry as she may begin to associate bedtime with being a stressful instead of relaxing time. Have you tried carrying out the bedtime routine together? for example, if she will only let you hold her or feed her, then allow this but make sure daddy is included by sitting next to you and being involved with the "conversation" . Mabey daddy could read the story whilst you hold her or put her in bed. It would be fun and beneficial not just for your daughters relationship with each of you but would also help your relationship with your partner by including him.if you try that every night mabey she'll eventually feel happy to let either of you settle her for the night.

Stefie - posted on 03/21/2010

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I can totally understand where you are coming from. My husband is active duty military and works very long days and then was away from the time our daughter was 5-8 months old.
She had major anxity issues, and I also had some issues. It is something that the two of you can work on. I could not leave the room for most of the first year of her life, but we gently worked though it. We did lots of peek a boo and close the door games. It helps to show her that mommy is not going to desert her, and it is okay for mommy to leave for a second because she comes right back and still loves you. My daughter (18months old) now will run off to her room and tell me, "Mommy, I'll be right back, wait here" and she gets a toy and comes right back.
It can be a challenge to get your little one over separation anxiety, but you can do it gently and lovingly.

Amy - posted on 03/21/2010

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It sounds like you know how you feel and what is best for your daughter. If crying it out isn't what you want and doesn't work with her by all means, don't do it. You are right in following your gut. Crying it out was the only thing that worked with my son, but that method isn't for everyone. You are fine. Your gut is the best at helping you know what is right! Good luck!

[deleted account]

Here is a website that explains separation anxiety and gives some tips as to how to help with it. It says that it usually passes in around 2-4 months after it starts. There's two options for you really, continue to do her nightime routine yourself, wait until the anxiety passes then resume doing it too. Your partner probably feels very left-out possibly useless. You could both do the nightime routine together so she feels at ease and he doesn't feel left out.

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