Sexual desire...is it gone forever?!

Stacey - posted on 03/09/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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not sure what the best group is to post this in. Dh and I have been married for 7 1/2 years, and we have two kids, 3 and 10 months. Even before we had kids, I had a hard time getting in the mood for sex. maybe it's just that we've been doing the same thing year after year, and the excitement is gone. We waited until marriage for sex, but did a lot of other stuff, so there was always constant excitement, and no release, if you will. We were together 2 years when we got married. Any way to get that excitement back? I just am never in the mood. DH helps out as much as he can around the house and with the kids, so that's not really the issue(although it used to be) and I'm working on making sure I have a night out at least twice a month, and making sure DH and I have a date once a month or so...we just have gotten into a rut I guess. Any ideas on getting that spark back? I never really feel aroused or interested in sex more than once every few months or so, so it's hard for me to do it just because. DH would happily do it 3 or 4 times a week if I wanted to! :( help? I am breastfeeding my 10 month old and am on birth control pills(Micronor)

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Brittney - posted on 03/09/2012

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It might be your pills, I wasn't on any birth control before my husband and I tried for our baby. I was too interested and then once I got pregnant, the hormones did something and I wanted nothing to do with him, 9 months of no sex, then almost 6 months without it after she was born. I was put on lo-seasonique and it has estrogen in them, thats why I lost all interest, I got switched to Implanon and it has gotten better. The other thing you need to do is foreplay, my doctor recommended at least 30 minutes to an hour before penetration. Good luck!

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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Sometimes when you're breastfeeding you're sex drive will go down.

But what concerns me is that even before you had kids you had no sex drive. You need to go see a doctor, there are things they can put you on for this. And many woman have this problem so don't be embarrassed or ashamed.



A woman's sexual desires naturally fluctuate over the years. Highs and lows commonly coincide with the beginning or end of a relationship or with major life changes, such as pregnancy, menopause or illness. Some antidepressants and anti-seizure medications also can cause low sex drive in women.



If you have a persistent or recurrent lack of interest in sex that causes you personal distress, you may have hypoactive sexual desire disorder.



But you don't have to meet this medical definition to seek help. If you are bothered by a low sex drive or decreased sex drive, there are lifestyle changes and sex techniques that may put you in the mood more often. Some medications may offer promise as well.



That blip is from the Mayo clinic. So they too say to go and see your doctor.

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Random - posted on 03/31/2012

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It could totally be hormones. Some women's sex drive comes and goes in waves. Don't freak out. It will come back.

Erica - posted on 03/29/2012

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Romance novels! The very detailed ones. (Normally with naked or semi naked people on the cover. Not Gone with the Wind..) The best are the ones that have 4 or more short stories in one book. Read a little before bed every night and it should help you get in the mood. Good luck. :)

Sara - posted on 03/18/2012

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My husband and I have had this problem in the past. While breastfeeding I was so touched-out by the end of the day. I didn't want to be touched by anyone after I finally put the baby to bed! The hormones in the birth control pills aren't helping either. I cannot take any kind of hormonal birth control without loosing almost all desire. And I agree with Caroline, fake it til you make it. We would go 3 to 4 weeks on a dry spell when our kids were really little. I was just so tired at the end of the day and sex was no where on my mind! My youngest is about to turn three here soon, and I feel we're really just getting our groove back about 6 months ago. I used to have to force myself to relax and at least let him think I was enjoying it. And a lot of times I would end up enjoying it. But I'll be frank, I have not had an orgasm from sex in probably 5 years (my oldest is 5). Go buy some toys (amazon has a good selection, and is discreet) and experiment. Try different positions, different places, get a babysitter and just go somewhere romantic and make out. And if all else fails, go have a chat with your doctor, but I really think this is normal. Good Luck!

Nelly - posted on 03/18/2012

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Talk to your doctor about it we've been married for 20 tears and we still have amazing sex 3-5 times a week

Jessica - posted on 03/14/2012

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me and my husband has had this problem but recently over come it, we went out and got toys or things that would spark each others interest, and even when not in the mood we tried them. we found that after a little while we looked forward to it, and now sometimes we even do normal sex and its great for us. just find ways to excite urself and him :)

Caroline - posted on 03/10/2012

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Hi Stacey,

My name is Caroline and I am telling you I am in the same feeling as you. However my husband and I have been married almost 4 years and we were always together and we had wonderful times when we were together, but I have lost my drive once I had a hysterectomy. I got a therapist and she told me that you may need to fake it til you make it. I thought she was CRAZY, and how bad does that sound, Really?!!! But you know she was right. focusing on him being happy and letting him fel like he was the best in the world made me not think so much about me being frusterated. I had no orgasm ever. I am numb in some places from the surgery. I became angry and then mad at the whole thing, but I am better now and you will too. We still do 5 days a week even if I am not in the mood because men need to be wanted as I found out from my husband, so if there is no alone time a guy has a hard time and can feel rejected and a woman feels like Oh my god, he is not asking for it now is he? Ha Ha!!! Your good. It will get better I promise, LOL...

Katherine - posted on 03/09/2012

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Toys, foreplay, play with each other. Do new things. Be spontaneous. Don't plan it. Get some cool toys to use. Try different positions......

Stacey - posted on 03/09/2012

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I really just feel like if we could switch up the routine a bit it would help, I'm just usually tired at night after dealing with the kids all day that I don't want to have to put much effort into it, ya know!? I know when the kids get older and less demanding, it will probably get better. Pre kids, we had our own issues, and I was working a lot, and we got in a rut then as well. I feel like we just need to get creative, ya know? Just looking for tips to keep the spark alive :)

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