should I stay a stay at home mother (which I love)

User - posted on 09/12/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )




Ok I stay home with my wonderful 19 mo old son. I love it! Im really blessed to be able to stay with him. Ive always worked fulltime as does my husband and he still currently works, and I stay home. It is a major adjustment financially and it is very stressful with bills. We afford our everyday life, our necessities, and our have to pay bills (rent, utilities, car pymts, ins. etc) We do have other bills from our past that we owe and we cannot pay right now because we cant afford to. I have always envisioned staying home to take care of my children. Quite frankly im stressed over this situation and I feel like he is my responsibility to take care of and not a daycare. My children my care love nurture. I hear awful things that fulltime working moms only get to see their kids going to bed at night and thats it! I want my family and their wellbeing to come first, Being able to stay home and him to have time with me and for me to build him into a great person on our beliefs. I love my families life, it is simple and happy. I dont want to sound selfish because I really dont want to be I just want what is best for my son and I dont feel a daycare can do what I do. I do get hint like gestures from family members that I should work and not stay home with my son, and its really hurtful really and aggravating at the same time. We are private (me and my husband) and no one knows our financial situation, they only see that when they invite us on major trips or whatever it may be thatw e cant go because we cant afford it. I dont understand why they look at us like we should make more money and not that I have a very healthy smart young child who is developing wonderfully that I am teaching him the best in ways. He has everything he ever could need also lol too much I dont want to be confusing but I am cunfused myself. My point is I am just in a rut trying to figure out if I should leave things the way they are and not to stress over money, and know that in time we can lower our debt and take care of our child the way that me and my husband wants to, or should I just go against our belief in staying home with our children and work for the good of our debt crisis. Im just really afraid that things will be more stressful for our family and we wont have time with our son, just not as connected as a family if I work.

Please help I really need some insight. Thanks!


Tarri - posted on 09/12/2012




I totally understand where you are coming from I have been a Sahm for almost 5 years now ( counting my pregnancy). This really is a personal decision, and I believe most sahm's go through the thought and want to help out financially but we all have different reasons why we chose to be home or go back to working. One thing you have to do is figure out with your husband what is the best move for you all to be stable and be secure. If you were to go back to work would day care be what your working to pay for as in would your whole paycheck go to the daycare or would you have money to help like you intended on doing? If that's the case it would not be to any ones advantage. Although If you are going to work and your finances are great enough to help with bills and debt and also with paying for daycare then just remember that your child will always know that you are mommy and your love. Make sure you take the time to have an hour or two regardless of how tired you are to spend with your baby. And make sure you all have "special time", and days and remember, There is always the weekend. Be creative and think of ways to include your child in the time you do have. Ultimately the decision is up to you and your husband. personally,It is a very emotional roller coaster when you think of finances and family, just remember to do what works best for your household and what makes you all feel comfortable. If you choose to work just be content in making sure you set aside that time for each of your loves and you will feel like your stretching your self, but in the long run it will pay off whatever your choice may be. I hope I helped a little... I fall else fails make a pro's and con's list and weigh your options. Sometimes our Mom-motions stop us from doing things because we are very family oriented and know that we do not want to feel like someone is playing or taking our role when we know we can do it ourselves. Good Luck!


View replies by

Jade - posted on 09/19/2012




If you wanted some more info about what I do, I can give you my website and a call if you have any questions. Good luck with everything if you don't though, I'm loving working at home with bub. It's a great balance.

Have a good one :)


DeAnn - posted on 09/19/2012




I absolutely HATED being a working mom. When I was single with my son, I went to college and worked 2 jobs. I would drop him off at 6 in the morning and pick him up at my mom's at 8 and put him to bed only to do it over again the next day, and on weekends I had to study or write papers and work so he was with my mom for 8 more hours each day. I swore I would someday be a stay at home mom.

I left my corporate $65k/yr job about a month ago, and I LOVE THIS!! My daughter and my son love it, too. :) I had started a side business to get out of debt about a year and a half ago, and the opportunity has been amazing. Have you considered doing a work at home or party plan business thing? The tax deductions are a big bonus, too. Something to think about!

You're totally doing the right thing!! You'll get there eventually. If you ever get the chance, listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio. He's a bit to the Right for my tastes, but his financial advice is pretty sound. Pay your debts with whatever you can - save where you can, work extra where you can, and you'll have the extra you need to save and get some breathing room. :)

User - posted on 09/19/2012




thank you all soo much! You all really ahve helped me out in making my decision better and a more conscious choice! I think sage really I do see putting my child in daycare itll be like handning them to a new mom lol but with daycare so expensive its true with the expenses toward daycare, the commute to work, more gas, etc it doesnt pay to work. I think I should find something at home to do, Ive been going through alot of different things already hopefully I can find one right for me and still take care of my munchkin. Thanks again!

[deleted account]

I have been a stay home mom since before i had my daughter, considering i got put on bed rest 2 months before i had her, ha ha..A good idea to making some cash is picking up someone's kid(s) and depending on the price around there for daycare, charge that amount for it.Make a contract tho...I have been watching my sister's kids since my daughter was a month old and it helps out..I just picked up another kids considering i didn't want to have to ask the father of my child for any money anymore and want to do it myself..Child support is still in the process but it feels great being able to get what i need without him..I have my 1 1/2 year old, my nephew who is 2 1/2 and a will be 3 year old next month..Gets to be over-whelming but i get to watch my daughter grow everyday and be there for and with her and make money in the process and save on daycare for myself...

Jade - posted on 09/12/2012




Hey Stacy,

We are and were in the same position, I have always wanted to stay at home with my kids, and now we have a little girl who is three months old and the last thing I ever want to do is put her in day care. I have been getting alot of pressure to get some work, particularly from my mother. Our financial situation is very similar to yours, We have debts, we are behind in the utilities and we have two cars that need a lot of work.

To top it of my partner has been cut down to two days a week! Which is good and bad as I've just started a home business.

Im working while bubs sleeps as I don't want to miss a minute with her but if my partner is home and spending some quality time with her I work then, I also work for an hour or so each night. The commissions are amazing (from $1000 - $5000 per sale). My job is to help others overcome the same hurdles or what ever hurdles they have, both personally and financially and I have received amazing training in al areas.

I completely understand where you are at, and hope this might help you see the middle ground. I know how it feels to be in your position, I was so happy to find an opportunity where I didn't have to choose between my daughter and making money.

If you would like more info about my business or want to ask me any questions please feel free to contact me via my website, or via phone : 0404481070.

Jade King :)

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms