Should SP (step parents) SPANK?

Kyleigh - posted on 05/17/2011 ( 27 moms have responded )

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Would want to know what you all Moms and SM's feel!! Thank you!

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Janeta - posted on 07/08/2011

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I think that step parents should be allowed to make decisions and discipline the child the exact same way that the real mom and or dad does because all kids need consistency and they need to realize that they cant get away with one thing with you and get away with the exact same thing with the step parent. I think that is the best interest for the child is for both real parent and step parent be on the same page and the same level...

Charlie - posted on 05/17/2011

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I do not believe anyone has the right to lay a hand on another person in an aggressive manner bio or step parent .

User - posted on 07/18/2011

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Michelle-you don't think that was a little harsh (who would expect a rose to have a spine comment)? I agree with spanking and I was spanked and if I was in your shoes I might have spanked her after speaking to her teacher about moving her. Everyone has their opinions y'all and we need to respect them.

Michelle - posted on 07/14/2011

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Im a stepmom. When we married, we agreed that while we may discipline each others kid, we would NOT SPANK (or strike) them. I DID spank my daughter--I can tell you exactly when, where and why I did each one-she's had five in her 14 years. I DID allow my hubs to "spank" (2 swats on the butt) once..but before I did, we called my ex and made sure he was okay with it. That was, coincidentally, the last 'spanking' she ever got. She was in second grade and kept letting her seat mate at school copy her work. First time was a warning, second time, her birthday party was cancelled, the third offense was a spanking.

Stifler's - posted on 07/08/2011

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I think step parents should discipline the kids the same way the birth parents do (consistency).

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Kyleigh - posted on 07/18/2011

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hey you all do what you do. I dont physcially hurt my kids i feel as if im teaching them its okay to hurt someone for something they did.
that is my opinion though . thats why i say do what ya ll do! best of luck everyone!

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2011

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Evidently you aren't...speechless, that is. Yes, I was a child. Yes, I was pressured...but my parents instilled in me the ability to say NO and stand up for myself. I did to her the same thing my parents did to me. And you know what? Due to the way they raised me, when I was in high school, I was able to say NO to binge drinking, and NO to drugs, and NO to sex when everyone else was too weak to. I was taught how to be a leader by my parents, and I am teaching my daughter to be a leader.
(And, btw...after the spanking--the next time my daughter's seat mate tried to copy, my daughter said No, raised her hand, and asked the teacher to move her. Just like we told her to. So, NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE, my dear rose.
(But then, who would expect a rose to have a spine, anyway?)

Michelle - posted on 07/18/2011

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Evidently you aren't...speechless, that is. Yes, I was a child. Yes, I was pressured...but my parents instilled in me the ability to say NO and stand up for myself. I did to her the same thing my parents did to me. And you know what? Due to the way they raised me, when I was in high school, I was able to say NO to binge drinking, and NO to drugs, and NO to sex when everyone else was too weak to. I was taught how to be a leader by my parents, and I am teaching my daughter to be a leader.
(And, btw...after the spanking--the next time my daughter's seat mate tried to copy, my daughter said No, raised her hand, and asked the teacher to move her. Just like we told her to. So, NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE, my dear rose.
(But then, who would expect a rose to have a spine, anyway?)

Tamara - posted on 07/08/2011

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Anyone who lays a hand on my child better have really good health insurance.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

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I can see some point of views but just please put yourself in the "real moms." shoes , would you want your STEP PARENTS spanking your innocent child. we dont teach anything to our children but its okay to hit!

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

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Thanks I agree ! since im a step parent I wont ever wanna hurt her children nor my own! Thanks

Kyleigh - posted on 05/20/2011

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well im the BM and SM is spanking my child! he is 9 and my 9 said she makes him sad! Picks on him and only treats her children the best!

Nikki - posted on 05/19/2011

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If my child had step parents and they spanked her I would have them up for assault. I don't hit my child and I wouldn't tolerate anyone else doing so either.

Melanie - posted on 05/19/2011

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i wont say i dont believe in spanking at all but i do think there are plenty of other great ways to get a kid to do what they should and spanking if used rarely shouldnt be too much of an issue. besides it loses effectiveness if over used. personally i think a step parent should clear it with the biological if the really feel its needed.

DaniLee - posted on 05/19/2011

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Depends. What role is this SP going to play? My husband is not my son's bio dad. But he is his ONLY dad (the bio one has been MIA for over 2 yrs). My husband I believe we need to show a united front. So when it comes to discipline, we send our son to his room while dad and I talk about the appropriate punishment. We RARELY will spank him (he will be 10 tomorrow, has not been spanked in well over a year) but once we have determined the punishment, if it involved spanking (some did) then it would be the parent who caught the inappropriate behavior or the one that was wronged (ie: cussed out dad once, dad did the spanking). Now, if you were not wanting the SP to be what the term I am looking for...... basically, if you are OK with the child not holding the SP in the same respect as you, then no. The SP should not spank. As a mom with a 'blended' family I personally feel both parents (step or not) need to have common ground with the children. In my experience, SP who relinquish the harsher discipline can be seen as 'push overs' and are not as respected. (I had a step parent and that is how I looked at it)



ALSO: We have a 2 yr old. And it could have a backfire effect on step siblings. Why does dad punish me but not sally? Does he not like me? And wanted to make this clear, Spanking, in my house, is the absolute last resort to harmful behavior.

Kyleigh - posted on 05/19/2011

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i know that step parents should be supporting to the main disciplinarian which is the bio. that is about it! anything else would you want "your KID," SPANKED by the "step parent?" I dont think so...

Erica - posted on 05/19/2011

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I guess that depends how long they have been the step parent. I wouldn't let just a boyfriend spank my child, but if it is somone you have been married to for a few years, has helped raise your child, and you say it is ok then yes I would think so. If you agree with spanking then you should allow your spouse to as well. Otherwise the kids will eventually think they can get away with things with the step parent that their biological parents would never be ok with. It may also depend on how old the child is and if their biological parents have spanked them in the past. Say a 10 year old that has never gotten a spanking before, I don't think its wise for the step parent to be the one spanking them.

Jessica - posted on 05/19/2011

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I lightly pat my daughter on the butt when I dont want her to do something.. but I have never spanked her. And i certainly wouldn't let a step parent do it... I wouldn't even want a step parent disciplining my child in any manner.. not even grounding my kid.

Tracie - posted on 05/19/2011

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There is NEVER a justification for ANYONE to strike a child in any manner. EVER. You are protected by law from being struck by anyone, friend or foe. Why do you feel your child doesn't deserve the same protections you enjoy? Your child is a human being, just like you.

Jenni - posted on 05/18/2011

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I don't spank any of my children regardless. That said.

No. A SP should never use physical punishment on a SK. For one... it's damaging to your relationship with them
Secondly... I believe spanking any child is an infringement on that child's rights.
thirdly, legally; it can threaten the biological parent's rights to access.
fourthly, if the BM is against spanking or even just against anyone aside from the father and herself spanking. (she may not even allow grandparents to impliment spanking) you have no rights to hit her child.
fithly, if you have a bad relationship with the BM and social services are already involved; you giving her fuel to have those kids taken out of your care or supervised visitions issued. Who's to stop her from saying you're using excessive force or damaging them psychologically?

BAD IDEA all around.

Cynthia - posted on 05/17/2011

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I was spanked by my stepdad n put down...I hav a real hard time letting my hubby discipline my two oldest let alone spank...my ex is a great dad n I let my now hubby kno if we were 2 hav a life 2gether he had 2 get along with my ex cuz we parent 2gether pretty good...even with my hubby getn along with my kids dad its stil hard 4 me 2 let him disciplin..my husband also has 2 older kids but his ex is mean n he has no say 2 anything...my ex is also remarried but his wife refuses 2 co parent with us cuz a few yrs ago she did spank my babygirl then 4 yrs old...I was so irrate...I dont even spank her...I want 2 sometimes but I dont....so no....no spanking from anyone...believe me I wanted 2 hurt her like she hurt my babygirl...n mayb she didnt spank her hard but she hurt her feelings hard and that means something....I love my mom so much but I did hav issues at one point for her letting my stepdad be so mean 2 me....dont ever let a man or anyone tell you its ok 2 spank n giv harsh punishments...you as a mama knows whats right...

Christy - posted on 05/17/2011

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Whether step parents or not, spanking should be a very rare occurrence. I recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic." Seems like they have it on CD so you can listen to it without giving up your usual daily routine.

Christy

Jodi - posted on 05/17/2011

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I don't spank my bio children, so I certainly wouldn't spank my step children (I have 2). And if my ex's partner decided to spank my son, I have to say, I would be absolutely furious.

Michelle - posted on 05/17/2011

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i wouldn't let anyone else but me hit my son. But i came from a very abusive home, my moms husband used to beat the crap out of me. I hate my mom for allowing this to happen. Even if its not abusive i wouldn't let anyone hit my son because i wouldn't want him growing up to hate me...

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