should we be trying for an other???

Shellee - posted on 06/20/2011 ( 34 moms have responded )

65

4

7

Hey, my husband and i live in an apartment and we have a 7month old daughter. she is our world!!! but we are both wanting an other child. he is trying to get a job as a police officer. and then after he loses like 20 pounds he wants to join the air force for a job security. plus hes always wanted to join. we would have the money once he joins the air force to support a family of 4. but right now we are unsure. but we both feel so strong about wantin an other child. and we beleive our daughter is at the perfect age. and she will be once the baby comes. what would you and your husband do if you were in our shoes??? i know there is gov help and he have done that with our daughter but we feel like its our job to support us not tax payers but i do understand if we really need the help then use it respectfuly. UGH! i just dont know!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2011

38

9

1

Doesn't anyone remember her post about her marriage and problems and now she is talking about baby #2....you are like 19 right? Having another baby will not fix a marriage it will only make it harder...

[deleted account]

Thats right you did, i knew i recognized your picture. Sweetie, if your husband is as awful as what he sounded like in your other thread then no i would wait to see exactly where the realationship is headed. Sorry.

Jennifer - posted on 06/21/2011

38

9

1

Didn't you post a conversation how your husband didn't treat you very well or something like that and now you want another baby? I am confused...Also, if he joins the air force I suggest not going medical or security forces. Security forces deploy a lot and will be gone for 6months or longer at a time. But all jobs deploy for at least 6 months. We are military and this lifestyle is not for everyone. Plus he will be in basic training then tech school so he could miss the birth if you choose to have another baby now. You are young why don't you go to college you have plenty of time to have more kids. I don't want to sound rude but you seem a bit naive.

Brianna - posted on 06/21/2011

1,915

22

352

I think you should wait till ur daughter is at least 18 months. ur daughter is only 7 months and things are about to change really fast.. soon she will be walking, running and then talking. If you can afford it anyways i would just wait and enjoy ur daughter before u bring another into the world. plus what would happen if u got put on bedrest again and u have a daughter so young who would take care of her cuz it sounds like you couldnt afford to be on bestrest plus pay a babysitter

Kristen - posted on 06/24/2011

65

37

6

I have a 7 month old daughter and I am currently pregnant with #2. We were not planning on getting pregnant this soon after but apparently God has other plans! I am a SAHM and my husband has a steady well paying job. We have student loans, mortgage, old cars, and diapers. It is stressful enough now and adding our second child, though excited is scary. When you have 2 babies close together you do not get to reuse everything. We had to get another crib, a double stroller, and if it is a boy we will need another wardrobe. I think that you really need to sit down, weight your options, and decide whether you are ready to take on a commitment you cannot take back. I was hankering for another baby and now that I am pregnant I am terrified that my bills are going to be harder to pay. The idea sometimes sounds better than the reality. On another note you can never be completely financially prepared for a child. Things happen that change everything. Just make sure that you both are ready and willing to take on what consequences you may face.

34 Comments

View replies by

Bridget - posted on 06/24/2011

298

22

28

@Jennifer-i don't know about which thread you were talking about with her husband treating her badly but they could have worked that out. Plus i was 18 when i got pregnant with my first one and had her when i was 19. Then when my first was 6 months i found out i was pregnant with my second and her her when i was 20. Me and my family are fine it didn't matter how old i was plus my husband is in the air force and everything worked out fine. Also we went on to have one more little one which i had when i was 22. I think that if she thinks she can handle it she can.

Jessica - posted on 06/24/2011

21

5

0

I would wait until you are settled a bit more. Since your hubby wants to join the air force and you wont know where you will be stationed, it can be a hectic time, Plus no one is ever really financially stable. I try and plan for any stock crashes ( i'm weird like that)

Christy - posted on 06/23/2011

275

14

48

Shellee, I say go for it. If you and your spouse both feel the need to have another child, don't wait! In my opinion, as long as you are working to get off gov. assistance, it's okay to use it! You pay taxes, too, and you'll be paying even more once hubby gets a better paying job!

Nicole - posted on 06/23/2011

31

31

1

i say go for it.....and i dont think there is a damn thing wrong with haveing government help!!!

Bridget - posted on 06/23/2011

298

22

28

I would say go for it our two little girls are 15 months apart and i have loved having them so close in age and our little girl and little boy are 20 months apart. The only thing i would tell you though is to maybe wait until he can get a stable job from what it sounds like he will be joining the air force soon. But then you will have to deal with the seperation when he is at basic training and tech school. If you think you can handle the seperation then i think you will be fine having another one.

Alicia - posted on 06/22/2011

468

13

89

Jennifer williams is right about the deployment thing, its not for the weak with children. probably the main reason we chose to have only one. my husband is on a sub and this year alone will have been home only a month from jan-jan. he also missed the birth of our daughter by less than a week.

[deleted account]

We have three children and I left my job (great pay)after I had the youngest. everyone thought I was crazy for doing so, but it has been the best thing for my kids. You are going to have to clip coupons look for sales and cut back no matter what income you have when you have another child. Unless you are married to a celebrity. And even so they go bankrupt. Instead of money I would be thinking about emotionally and physically can you handle it. Thats alot of changes for your 7mo old in a short amount of time. But people get through it and usually turn out ok:). Good luck its your decision!!!

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011

15,141

154

604

In Australia we get money for having kids too. Family tax benefit. $3000 a year doesn't support anyone though.

[deleted account]

@ Erin, the government just gives you money because you have kids? Can I ask why? Thats really interesting and well.. nice.

Erin - posted on 06/21/2011

246

40

13

Three words..."Go for it".

If you want another, there are always things that you can do to move money around. I live up in canada, my husband makes +45k a year, not much, but enought to support us. And the government still gives us money for the kids. We get around 360 a month from the government, and it's not that you apply for it, it's just given to families with young ones. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm grateful. And if you want it badly enough, your husband may settle for a job that pays a bit more than now, or pick up a part time job on the side. Sacrifices come in many ways, shapes and forms. If I could have more children I would I would do it in a heart beat! I would make any sacrifices possible to have more children. Being a mother and father is a selfless, loving life. And that being said, enjoy it, wether you are a millionaire or not! :) Good luck, and whatever decision you make is the right one!

Nancy - posted on 06/21/2011

269

22

37

I'm pregnant with #2 (due Nov.) and my daughter will be 3 in Oct. Your daughter is only 7 months so you still haven't hit the fun stages with her yet. The first trimester is exhausting and you will need all the energy you can get when your daughter starts walking....running and tormenting puppy. I'm glad I waited a little while to have baby #2, it's been quite the experience watching my daughter go from baby to toddler and soon to preschooler.....just something else to think about.

Terralyn - posted on 06/21/2011

68

39

4

from personal experience i think your daughter is the perfect age for another child and i agree with the other mom's if you waited until you were sure of financial stability you'd never have another one. If you really want another on go for it. Two are easier to deal with than one and there isn't a great deal more financial issues as you are not going to need to buy a lot of the furniture, etc that you had to get when you had the first one. my girls are 20 months apart and it was wonderful. If you are sure you want this child then you will be amazed at the ways you manage to find to afford the things you need without government assistance.

[deleted account]

I agree with most of whats being said here. I have four kids ages 9 4 (soon to be 5) 2 and 5 months. NON of my kids were planned and we were not financially stable when we had them, (one is actually my SD and she was planned). While I DO NOTaprove of people abusing the system, I know sometimes you need help.Government Assistance was originally put here for low income families that need a little extra help.... sadley alot of people use it as a way to get by instead of trying for them selves. That being said, if you feel you are emotinally ready go for it. If you dont absolutly need assistance stay off of it. Stretch your money use hand me downs whatever. My husband and I have our two youngest on WIC ans thats it, we are a one income family, we manage quit well without assistance :)

Carly - posted on 06/21/2011

60

51

7

I would say think about the long term effects of having another one right now. If you can sacrifice or move some things around in your budget (stop eating out, couponing, switching to cloth diapers, etc) right now to be afford another one than go for it. Do you want them close enough together they can share a room, toys and maybe clothes? Or do you want them far enough apart that the older one can help you with the younger one? There is more than just money that needs to be considered. IMO have one when you are ready. If you want till you feel you are financially ready you might not ever feel like you have enough.

Stifler's - posted on 06/21/2011

15,141

154

604

i would wait until he's joined the air force. not because i'm against people being on welfare. being pregnant with a kid who doesn't walk is exhausting. so is having kids 16 months apart.

Alicia - posted on 06/20/2011

113

2

5

just a few things to think about. the air force has a waitlist of about a year. he can enlist, but he won't go to training and start getting paid for at least a year. if not longer. i now of two people that were sworn in in january, and they STILL haven't been given a date for their training. another thing to think about is what hes going in as. my husband is an e3 in the army. pay is based on rank across the board. e3s all make the same amount no matter what branch of the military theyre in, no matter what they're called. i know he has some college, but does he have a degree? if not he will be going in as an e1. MAYBE an e2 depending on some things. but my my husband is an e3 and we have three children, ages 3, 16 months, and 4 months. we can barely make it. we do, but its not easy. we had to make adjustments when our third baby was born, and we're planning for our fourth already. if it were me, 'd say go for it, and make adjustments. thats what we've always done and its served us pretty well. gl with your decision :)

[deleted account]

Basically what you're saying is that a woman has two options; have enough money, or artificially sterilize herself. Unless you're suggesting she just stops having sex...

[deleted account]

I believe that it is wrong to use birth control. That is one reason why. Children are worth more than they cost to feed. I'd rather see our society be one that is eager to support life rather than tear it down. If you feel sterilizing people with birth control is okay then that's your right. But I don't.

Alicia - posted on 06/20/2011

468

13

89

Ashley: no one once said that poor people dont deserve children. but she has a child already and knows she may need assistance for a second one. i get needing help if an unplanned baby happens, but why the hell would you plan for a baby if you cant afford it? and third world countries have dying children because they cant afford it and dont offer government assistance like the US.

[deleted account]

yup, poor people don't deserve children. should we just sterilize all third world countries then? I mean they certainly can't afford their children.

Jenette - posted on 06/20/2011

25

9

0

I'm sorry but if you know you can't afford to care for another child without government assistant don't have another child. Wait until you can afford it. Just because you have extra maternal instincts and want another one doesn't mean everyone else should pay for it.

[deleted account]

Babies are not just for rich people. Never feel like you can't have a little blessing. People who feel differently are basically saying you shouldn't get the right to reproduce just because you don't have a bunch of money... which I think sounds like Nazi ideals. So go ahead and make babies!

Michelle - posted on 06/20/2011

1,606

10

227

If you want another one have one. You can usually work ouT the financials somehow. You can probably reuse most or all of your baby stuff, and you're staying home (no daycare). If my parents had waited for more money my siblings and I wouldn't exist, if my siblings and I (+spouses) had waited none of us would have any kids. My husband and I just got to a point of true financial stability and we have 3 kids. You just figure out what you need to do and do it. For the record none of us have used any kind of government support.

Sheri - posted on 06/20/2011

15

80

2

This is definitely your decision, not one we can make for you! Just wanted to give you some things to think about. We have had children during financial difficulty ourselves and don't regret a single one of them.

Shellee - posted on 06/20/2011

65

4

7

i can understand it way different. we just got a puppy for fathers day and that like an other kid right thier. well not really but you know where im goin. but yes i do have time. lol but we want him to join soon so when lyllee is old enough to start school we arent travleing and takin her away from her friends. and the only thing we have to spend on is like rent, gas, water elc, food, and student loans blah!!!!!

Sheri - posted on 06/20/2011

15

80

2

How long would you have to wait for him to join the Air Force? How old are you - do you have time, or is that biological clock ticking? Do you have family who can help you out? Have you cut back on as much as you possibly can, in order to make sure you're making the most of the money you do have? These are some things you need to consider. If you can wait until you are more "on your feet" financially, that would be the better scenario. Nobody wants to live on the government's dime if they don't have to. That being said, this is your decision (with your husband). Just be sure you think it all the way through. Having two children is FAR different from having just one.

Shellee - posted on 06/20/2011

65

4

7

i agree but we dont really know if we would need it or not at this time. im just glad when we were on it my husband was in school and workin part time and i was workin full time and we still didnt make enough. and i was pregnant at the time. then i had to take a leave for bedrest. so thats when we needed it. i just dont want pple to look down on others that need it and dont abuse it. i know of a lot of pple who are just lazy and do drugs that are on it. im not ashamed of it either. i think we may wait a year depending on when he gets in the air force. then when he joins i can get a job and put our daughter in day care. ugh thier are so many options. i thnk we may just let nature take its course and what happens happens.

Alicia - posted on 06/20/2011

468

13

89

i agree with Kacie, youre gonna be able to have another child basically whenever you want why have one now knowing you would need assistance. just wait it out. everyone will be happier in the long run! on a side note i used to want another when my daughter was 7 months old. as she got older my want got less and less and now she will be 2 in August and i dont ever want more.

Kacie - posted on 06/20/2011

242

0

22

I would never have another child, knowing i would need government assistance. IMO, its irresponsible. I'd wait if i were in your shoes.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms