signs of cheating husband

Susan Faith - posted on 06/29/2012 ( 49 moms have responded )

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. i have been married for almost three years. i have a one year old and another due in october with my husband but lately he has been acting very differently. i believe he is cheating on me but i dont wanna believe more or less. he shows alot of signs that he is cheating like not wanting me to use his phone, when certain calls come through he has to walk out of the room so i cant hear, comes home late from work ( off at 6 comes home around 9) he calls me names like whore and bit**, accuses me of cheating when i am home with our daughter. like when do i have the time i have a house to keep clean because he hates for the house to have anything on the floor dirty dishes in the sink etc. so on and so forth. does this sound like cheating to you??????

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Mary - posted on 07/08/2012

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The cheating is the least of your worries if he is calling you a whore and bitch! That's verbal abuse!! You deserve better and if you don't realize this, you are teaching your kids to tolerate that kind of behavior.

Michelle - posted on 06/29/2012

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My ex husband did the same thing, accusing me of cheating all the time. I found he was the one that cheated but decided to try to save my marriage. I stayed with him for another 2 years and even had a 2nd baby with him but I just couldn't stay.

It wasn't the only problem in our marriage though but I left when my 2nd son was 1 year old.

I have since met and married the most wonderful, kind and conciderate man ever. He loves my boys like they are his own and we have a daughter together. My boys are now 11 and 8. I do shared care with my ex and the boys are doing well in school and are very polite and loving boys.

They understand that Dad and I can't live together but they are glad I met and married my current Hubby. It's hard to move on but you never know what's around the corner.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Elisha - posted on 07/02/2012

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It's been my expience that when a man suddenly starts accusing you of cheating, it's because he's guilty of it himself. I put those two phrases you typed out into Google's translator, and this is what is said:

un dia culero como todos los miercoles como no es biernes para ir al pedo apoco no banda al lado de unas b iegas buenas
an asshole like all day Wednesday as not to go to fart biernes by little band not next to some good b iegas

k mujer tan mas bella y uno que nomas se ase ilusiones:
k woman as more beautiful and one that clings nomas illusions

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this. I went through the same thing with my ex, and he's a total narcissist. I can only say this from my own experience:
1) people with nothing to hide hide nothing. - he should be able to account for his whereabouts, and he should not be refusing to let you look into his phone
2) where there's smoke, there's usually fire. If he's chatting with a girl on facebook, whether he's actually cheated on not, then he has it in him to cheat on you. He's untrustworthy, and you deserve better.
3) he has NOT RIGHT whatsoever to call you names like bitch and whore. that is verbal abuse, and you do not need to stand for it one bit. do you have any support there? Like friends or family who could help you??
Let me just say this.... men like him don't usually suddenly turn good and start treating their wives better. He will keep on abusing you like this for as long as you allow him to, and it may take something as drastic as you taking the kids and leaving to show him that you're serious. You have every right to tell him that he will not speak to you that way, and that he will not call you those names anymore and he will stop accusing you of cheating unless he can produce proof. You should be able to ask him to show you his phone and explain himself to you. My guess would be that he will not honor any of those requests, to be honest. If you'd like some help I'm happy to help you. I have friends who speak fluent spanish, and I bet I could get one of them to translate those emails completely if you'd like.
Let me also say this, and this is the most important.... No matter what, you will get through this!! I was in the same situation you are, cheating, abusive husband, two little little ones, and financially dependent on him. He walked out on me three and a half years ago, and it was devastating at first. I did love him. Let me tell you now that I'm doing great. I still have to deal with him, and I'm still dealing with custody and child support issues in court, but I survived it, and you will too. I don't miss him, and I'm not sad about divorcing him. I'm actually looking forward to it, because I know that I'm better off single and taking care of myself and my babies than being in a marraige where I was being mistreated and verbally, mentally and emotionally abused, like you are. I know that I will find someone else, when the time is right, and anyone that he is with will be punished just by being with him, and it sounds like the same thing is true of your ex. I'm serious, though, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here.
also, if you do decide to leave him, you are legally entitled to child support. look up your local child support enforcement agency. they will calcualte how much child support he owes you based on his income, your income, how many kids you have, and what expenses you have for your children, and if you talk to a lawyer, make sure they go after spousal support immediately. that is meant to support the dependent spouse until permanent child support and/or alimony can be established. and the child support enforcement agency will take your support right out of his paycheck and deposit it directly into his account, and he can't stop them. if he doesn't pay it he will go to jail.
I'm serious, I know exactly what your're dealing with. If you need someone objective to talk to, I'm here to listen and to help.

Meg - posted on 07/02/2012

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weather hes cheating or not what it does sound like is a unhealthy relationship. I would try to find some support, friends and family and try to get you and your children out of that type of environment, its not healthy and will ultimaltely effect them in the long run, you dont want them picking up foul language and learning that its okay to treat people this way. Especially with boys, if they are raised with an abusive father in the household, there is a good chance they will become abusive themselves ( Not always, its just I guess a higher percentage do) also it teaches your daughter that its okay to let men treat you that way and thats not right. don't take his children away, but take yourself out of the situation. Go through the legal process, hopefull you can get something gong to where he has every other weekend and you have the rest of the time. It does sound like hes cheating, but that just adds to your problems.

Leeann - posted on 07/01/2012

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Usually if you are suspecting something then you should be! Listen to your intuition and instincts. We have them for a reason. Find a way and time to get his phone, search for what you are looking for and if you don't find anything then that alone will make you feel better! No matter weather he is cheating or not, it doesn't sound like he is making you happy or treating you right. If it were me, I'd demand to know who is calling, why he is late from work and why he is not trying to make you happy! You do NOT have to stay in a relationship where you are called names or made to feel like you have to sit and wonder what other women he is with or talking to while you are sitting and waiting for him to get home. Just be prepared for what you may find out when you start searching for evidence of adulatory. Think about how you are going to handle what you find and be prepared to take the steps you need to take to be happy, with or without your husband. I would definitely be suspicious if a man was late getting home and sneaking around with his phone, you are definitely rightfully suspicious!!!

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Tania - posted on 10/24/2012

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Yes,it does to me! I have been with my husband for going on 20years! Im in my 30's& look like I'm in my 20's! I am not concieded,but I am a beautiful women inside& out! Men always open doors,for me,I always get compliments,but i quess it doesnt matter if I look good! Moat men arw "dirty minded pigs",especially these days, with the internet! There is a website if u can get to hia computer or phone and start searching dating websites! Like www.xxxmatch.com! I just found that 1to this past month! And ge says he accidentally hits a pop up! Not! I weny on it&I you have to manually type in info! Which i found his:'( He is also walking out if room&he wont let me touch his phone! But i have got my hands on it a couple times! And thats where I foynd the last website! Anyways,we have 3kids& whe are I was pregnant with both my daughters, he had an affair with my own sister! I married him,not knowing! They loose It, sometimes I believe when we are pregnant! Sorry,but if you feel it in your gut, its more than likely true! Sorry if this don't come out right,the screen keeps moving!He has on his credit card,a $144.00 charge to to Eli Inc. ,which he said he went to eat at with his brother& girlfriend &i 5monthi old baby! I dont think so! Likely she sat there,while they drank! My husband wont eat& drink! So I looked it up&we there is no restaurant of that name&password some lady posted in there3 years ago,that her husband had a credit card,she didn't know about& there was multiple charges for same place! A women replied that her son applied there abd its not a good place& to keep her eyes out&cant he may be cheating! So I just seen that about an hour ago! Ao i am in tears myself at this time! They say they love us&punishng whatever wewant to hear! But as a woman that has gone through this before,He sounds like a cheater to me:( I am gere to talk if you like& I can give you some tips& pointers! I am going through it again! Like i said b4 sorry if this doesn't come out typed right! Sincerly,Me:'(









more than likely true,hun:'( I have been through It &i now going through it again! He took over bank account &half spending alot of money&what cant say where ut went! Left for3 nights&4days& showed up home on4th night! He spend about 1,800 dollars &i in which about,1,000 ,he can't account for??? I just dound out also on his credit card,that their is a charger,for$144.00 &i he said he took his brother &girlfriend out,which they have a new baby!

&i i highly doubt, that she sat there, while my husband &his brother were drinking! Thats what he told me! Well i looked up the charge& theres no Eli Inc.

Iris - posted on 08/11/2012

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I just recently broke up with my bf, whom accused me of cheating, which in fact he is the one whose has been cheating. And also sounds like he is a control freak to as well. Be careful and watch for certain signs. There are signs that we can pick up on as women and alot of men think that women are stupid when it comes to things like that. In which case we are not !!! The one thing about using his phone and when certain calls come in and he walks out of the room so you don't hear, that sounds pretty suspicious to me, and staying out late at work, what does he tell you? Just use your female instincts !!! And if you know him well, you will know !!!

Katie - posted on 07/29/2012

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Absolutely, and you're a smart woman for picking up on his tactics...
men usually have a guilty conscience so they accuse you of doing what they're doing. I was cheated on myself, and it was identical to what your post reads. As far as the phone thing, i'm a huge advocate for doing some investigating, you are his wife, you're entitled to know who he's talking to.. People can only live a lie so long before they start cracking and the truth comes through. But please...please please please if you decide to confront him...do so with your one year old not around and don't get yourself too riled up because your pregnant and your safety comes first... You deserve better, and if he wants to cheat on the mother of his child, see how well that goes in court when you're leaving him. You'll get the last word in what happens here...and if he is in fact cheating, he'll eventually wake up and see what he's lost and by that time hopefully you'll be divorced. Men can be pigs...honestly.

Brooke - posted on 07/22/2012

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You can check cell phone activity online. I would hide around the corner and follow behind him after work to see what he is doing. If I saw him cheating I would pack my stuff and the kids stuff during the day and leave. He sounds abusive and controlling. If he ever hits you, call 911. Don't let him get away with it. But, if you tell him your leaving he may threaten you or hurt you. Go to a family or friend he doesn't know about or is far away. Good luck.

Jennifer - posted on 07/19/2012

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regardless of whether or not he's cheating, i saw your cue to leave in your original post when you said he calls you a whore and a bitch. that is not normal, it is not right, and you shouldn't stick around with someone who verbally and/or physically abuses you, especially with children in the house. what kind of example is that setting for them? keeping that in mind, i don't think it would be difficult to leave him and keep the kids and whatever you need to get by with the law on your side and his poor reputation. and imho you should as soon as possible before things really get out of hand.

Kirsty - posted on 07/18/2012

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sounds like he is cheating hun.... talk to him and try and get him to come forward

Stephanie - posted on 07/12/2012

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i think he is hun ive been through this aswell like many others :( dont put up with it or he will walk all over the top of you! my heart gose out to you x

Liz - posted on 07/12/2012

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Here is the translation. Im fluent in spanish both speaking & reading/writing. The first sentence is slang, hes saying its another shitty day and too bad its not friday to go out for drinks. The second sentence says. What a beautiful woman you are and here i am just getting my hopes up. Im sorry but he seems to be if not already cheating hes laying down the grtundwork to be able to cheay

Karen - posted on 07/12/2012

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In my experience when ur mans accusin u of cheatin ? Their probably guilty themselves , so they become insecure of u cheatin an act like some1 u dont know ? My hubby used to accuse me everyday , sadly he passed away january 2010! An then i find out the truth so all those times he hit an called me names were his own guilt , and i cant even have it out with him except shoutin at the sky? Which am sure my neighbours think im comPletl of my head , an ofcourse am hurt for all the abuse he gave me an i was as loyal as a puppy, next time ur. Hubby shouts abuse an blames u tell him ( r u sure ur not guilty) even threatin him with a lie detector? Goodluck

Ashley - posted on 07/11/2012

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Even if he is cheating there is no way in hell that he should e talking to you like that.Rememer that how he treats you is what your children are going to think is a normal realtionship. I have noticed that the once that accuse the other of cheating is usually the one that is cheating. I am so sorry! I wish you well!

Ebony - posted on 07/11/2012

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Sorry to say......but.yes!!!Now.u jus.have.to decide if You wanna put up wit it or.move on.My heart goes out to You.I know the feeling!!!!!

User - posted on 07/09/2012

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I was in the same boat. My kids father has never hit me but he broke up with me bc I found a females number in his car. When I asked him who she was he fliped out on me and said I was spying on him. I told him I threw the number out and he looked in the garbage for it. But I didnt, I hid it. Then I asked him if he was seeing her and he changed the subject to accusing me of cheating bc of the guys on my facebook page. I talk to the guys who are my family, thats it. And he knows that. Plus I stay at home all day everyday with our 2 kids and never leave my apt. And nobody comes here. But im the one that was cheating lol I just dont know what to do anymore. He dont help me with the kids, i have to tell him to even buy food for us. But yet he goes out every weekend out to the movies and out to eat when me and the kids stay here. Can someone plz help me on if I should stay here with him, or leave with the kids? He wont even play with them. I miss my family that I havent seen in a yr bc I dont have a car and and its a 2 hr drive from here to them. Plz help me. Lol

Nicole - posted on 07/09/2012

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Ok I had my hubby give me a rough translation. He said its Mexican slang, and hard to understand, but basically he is flirting. He said he was saying something about going out to drinks, and saying so beautiful like an illusion. I'm sorry :(

Virginia - posted on 07/09/2012

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I am sorry to hear this. I do not care if he is cheating you with someone else or not. The only thing to worry is: He has NO rights to call you names, treat you bad - specially when you are pregnant of his child, and have another baby at home with you and a house to take care of.
Because of this so so disrespectful behavior, I would say yes he is cheating on you.
Not sure how is your financial status now but you should get support from family and leave him. You and your kids should never live with someone that is verbally abusing you and I'm pretty sure it can get physical someday.... Good luck !!!
* we live only once. Do not be afraid of starting life again....

Tiffany - posted on 07/08/2012

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Yes..from experience and from what my father did to my mom. Get out..you and your children deserve better

Stephanie - posted on 07/08/2012

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I had a man just like yours. Abusive, controlling and he was cheating. I left that SOB over 12 years ago. And I had the pleasure of going to his most recent divorce trial and watching him lose his wife and kids and money.
It's not the end of the world to just walk away from everything you have and start over little by little. I did. It was scary but well worth it. And it also took a lot of therapy for me. Where I live I just went to the police dept told them I was homeless. they gave me a voucher for a motel for the night then I had to go to the Salvation Army the next morning. Salvation Army was able to get me and my kids a home within three days. And now we are safe. I had NOTHING (not even money) but a vehicle and a few things that I could fit in it.

Heather - posted on 07/07/2012

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Sounds just like what my baby's daddy did to me. Other than the fact I didn't think he had the time to be cheating on me since, I thought, he was either at work or with me. I'd had suspicions for awhile and they got stronger when he started sleeping with his phone. There were other signs that something was going on too. He quit treating me the way he once did, he texted more than he talked to me, things like that. Well, I'd always given him the benefit of the doubt. THEN I found out he'd been having a "text affair" with my 18 year old neice and had even had sex with her a couple times when they'd gotten chances to be left alone together. I found this out when she got in trouble and her father took her phone from her.
After just a month of me kicking him out, he moved a 3rd woman in who I later found out he'd been texting as well. He told her I'd cheated on him.

Either way, I wish you the best of luck.

Goldie - posted on 07/03/2012

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it sure sounds like cheating..... and hey he doesnt deserve you. i mean by reading the replies below, he sounds like a very aggressive man, what if something bad happens? things like abusing u and the kids? its gonna be tough protecting urself and u have to protect the kids as well...... i really think if your love is not reciprocated then whats the point of staying with someone who dont appreciate u at all? nobody has the right to take away your happiness as well as ur children's...... most impt put ur kids in priority.

Gabrielle - posted on 07/03/2012

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YES. My dad used to accuse my stepmom of cheating on him when really he was cheating on her.

Jessica - posted on 07/03/2012

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Yes it does, and if he's not then he's a complete JERK. I would ask him point blank if he is, if that doesn't help, then try counseling. Im sorry your going through that, I am at a loss of words on what to say, have never been through that, just been abused all kinds of ways by my soon to be ex husband. I hope that kinda helps, hope you can figure it out and things get better.

Sharlene - posted on 07/03/2012

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@ Sussan, Like I said NO MEN has the right to lay a hand on any women especially his own WIFE . You have to think about your daughter and this unborn child and yourself and ask your self are you really happy in this marriage, Surely if you left him and went to your family they would understand and take you and your daughter back. Look darls like I said I dont know what else to say but If you ever want to talk message me anytime .

Sharlene - posted on 07/03/2012

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@Susan,Im so sorry to hear that about your family. Well what do you feel like doing? Darls I dont know what else to say. Either confront him about it or just keep thinking is he cheating on you

Susan Faith - posted on 07/03/2012

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yeah it was only once and i put him in jail for it and he hasnt done it since and no my family doesnt speak to me because i married outside my race

Sharlene - posted on 07/03/2012

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@Susan, If that prick has hit you. why in hell are you still with him darls Your the mother of his daughter and unborn child. Can you leave him. Do you have family members to help or stay with. No women needs to live in fear and be scared of anyone and especially a 'MEN' Has he only hit you just once?

Susan Faith - posted on 07/03/2012

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thats the reason why i am scared to ask him sharlene because he has hit me before and i am scared that he will do it again even though he hasnt done it in almost two years.when he did i called the cops and made him take anger management i stayed because i love him and forgave him for hitting me.he HAS NOT hit me in a couple years but i am always scared that he may do it again if i make him mad

Susan Faith - posted on 07/03/2012

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thats the reason why i am scared to ask him sharlene because he has hit me before and i am scared that he will do it again even though he hasnt done it in almost two years.when he did i called the cops and made him take anger management i stayed because i love him and forgave him for hitting me.he HAS NOT hit me in a couple years but i am always scared that he may do it again if i make him mad

User - posted on 07/03/2012

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Please don't freak out about his contacting a girl, even an ex. We are all naturally curious about what once important people in our lives are doing with themselves now. There is nothing wrong with talking to whoever he wants to talk to. We may not like it but our husbands do have the right to speak to people who knew them before we did, even loved him before we did! Now if you confirm that what he is saying to her is hurtful, disrespectful or inappropriate to you then yeah then confront him.. But please make 100% sure that this is something he even needs confronted about! Otherwise YOU got him, you are his wife, he didn't choose to marry that girl. You can't let just meaningless conversation worry you!! He does that every day with women at the store, maybe work, on the street, who cares!? Unless it is inappropriate in any way, let him have his freedom! Being a jealous wife when you don't need to will make HIM in the right and you in the wrong, maybe even lead him to do what you suspect he is already doing? Please be careful with what you choose to do about the emails! If it's nothing this time and you confront him, that may just result in a change of passwords leaving you no access to something that really is bad in the future! I hope that you find that the emails don't mean a thing! For anyone who thinks talking to someone on facebook means he is definitely a potential cheater... well I am facebook friends with ex's, old crushes, people who had crushes on me... none of that means a thing! I love my husband more than anything and I'd never be unfaithful to him. If an ex says hello in an email I'll say hello back! No big deal! My man could never be replaced by anyone on my facebook friends list!!

Sharlene - posted on 07/02/2012

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@Susan, confront him and say your the mother of his little girl and unborn child.You have every right too. can I ask is he abusive? If you dont mind me asking

Susan Faith - posted on 07/02/2012

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like he would tell me what he said he would say why you going through my stuff for you dont trust me or something

Susan Faith - posted on 07/02/2012

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ok so i logged on to his facebook page yesterday and i see that he has been writing to a girl he used to know in north carolina but it is in spanish so i dont know what it means i could be making a mountain out of a molehill or it could be something. i hope and pray to god that it is just my hormones making me feel this way. i just wish i knew what was going on. if any one can tell me what these to messages that he wrote mean so hopefully i can put this behind me please let me know "un dia culero como todos los miercoles como no es biernes para ir al pedo apoco no banda al lado de unas b iegas buenas" and the other one is "k mujer tan mas beya i uno k nomas se ase ilusiones" just the way he is acting is making me so suspicious about things doing things behind my back and just acting totally differrent. i am just so freaking hopeless

Stifler's - posted on 07/01/2012

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It sounds suspicious but we can't sit here and say oh yes he's definitely cheating. Speaking to you like that isn't right regardless.

User - posted on 07/01/2012

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I hope you have family that can help you. No one deserves to be treated that way. Some men marry you then start taking you for granted and thinking they can do whatever they want and it's all cool. How heartbreaking but I know you can be strong. I hope he is not violent. Do not put yourself in a position where he acts out. If you know this is a bad situation for sure your fist priority needs to be that your and your children are safe. Take back your life.

Tina - posted on 06/30/2012

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He does sound louzy my partner talked to me like that when i was pregnant with first he was not cheating but chating on dating sites. I'd be demanding he treat you with respect for starters. But you have other reasons to be suspicious. I'd be doing what Louise said. I'm sorry but sometimes men leave you no choice. They're rarely honest. If he can't be open with you and let you have access to his phone, or even email etc Then he leaves you no choice. I'd be checking internet history too if he uses the internet. If you can't do it when he's sleeping wait until he's in the shower. The worse part apart from seeing something you don't want to see(big kick in the guts) is confronting them. They'll use every excuse in the book. Don't listen. It wont happen again or I'm sorry i love you. Didn't mean anything yada yada. It's all bull.

Louise - posted on 06/30/2012

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Yes, check his phone when he is asleep. Then you will know and you will stop beating yourself up. If he has nothing to hide he wont mind. If you find nothing then all you have done is put your mind to rest. Be prepared to read things you may not want to read though and then you will have to act on them!

Sharlene - posted on 06/29/2012

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Darls could it be your hormones you expecting him of cheating, I know with my last pregnacy I accused my husband of everything,And being pregnant your mind can play tricks with you.lol . Like carol said he sounds like a lousy arse of a husband. Maybe sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel and your thought's. He has no rights to being calling you a whore and other names when your carrying his unborn baby and looking after his daughter, the DOG.

Carol - posted on 06/29/2012

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What you describe are the signs of a lousy husband, cheating or otherwise. A loving husband would never call you a whore or a bitch. If you have trust, he wouldn't accuse you of cheating either. He also sounds controlling if you're just cleaning because he pitches a fit if the house isn't up to his idea of perfection.

He's 3 for 3 in my book - basing it on a whole paragraph written while you were upset. (Take it with a grain of salt.) I had the same kind of husband. Then I divorced and vowed to never marry again. Then I found the perfect man and I had a perfect life for 13 wonderful years. After a marriage where we fought every day and I was never good enough, I had a man who loved me for me and we NEVER had a serious fight. Good men are out there - go find one worthy.

Susan Faith - posted on 06/29/2012

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i wish i knew what to do. i havent caught him doing anything just suspicion. idk if that is spelled right. i think in my mind i have to catch him doing it you get what i am saying. but i am scared of what i might find out. i have no family that i can speak to because my family doesnt speak to me. i am scared that he will take my babies from me and so on everything we own is in his name except for my suv. i will loose my home and everything else i just wanna find out what i am doing wrong to make him be doing these things to me. i do everything he asks me to do maybe that is where i went wrong

Terri - posted on 06/29/2012

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Yes! Speaking from experience that's whats happening. U nd to decide if u want to stay or go. You need real proof and there's lots of ways. There is no better investegstor then s woman scorned. I used some pretty crazy resources and got my proof. Now I'm here he swears he will change and he did for a month or two now I'm home depressed and wondering if he will do it again and if staying id right. I have a 2 and 3 yr old I know how scared u r. Ur not alone.

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