SK's call Step Parents "mom, or dad??"

Megan - posted on 05/15/2011 ( 33 moms have responded )

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What are all your thoughts and insight on this topic. I know everybody will feel different, I grew up calling my own SM by her name. Although I met her when i was 7. It made no difference

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Jane - posted on 05/15/2011

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My brother's step kids call him "Sparky." His kids call their step mom "Swamp Monster" (which is a friendly family joke). They are raising a grandbaby. She calls her parents Mommy and Daddy, but my brother and his wife "Yayo" and "Yaya." This is Greek for Grandpa and Grandma.

Whatever works in each family.

Cortney - posted on 05/17/2011

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I'm 50/50 on this. Personally, it's the child's choice. It's THEIR relationship with the person. I'm sure you have a couple friends' parents who you call Mom or Pop or Dad because of the relationship you have with them. It doesn't nix your relationship with your biological parents. It shows the extent of the love and or respect that you feel toward them. For example, my mom and step-dad got married when I was three. I went through a period of about 2 years when I didn't really know what to call him. I'm now 31 and he's been "Dad" for over two decades. Most of my friends with stepdads also called their dad "Dad." However, then I married my husband and his kids called me by their dad's nickname for me which was fine. He felt that it was completely disrespectful for a child to call an adult in authority by his/her first name. Just as you wouldn't have your child call his/her teacher by their first name because it's disrespectful, they should not call you as a guardian by your first name unless they met you under "friend" circumstances. If you were a friend of the family first, I'd say yes, first names would be appropriate but the world we live in has become more and more disrespectful. It's not right that a family (however it looks) should have disrespect shown withIN the family. My eldest stepdaughter lives with us and she goes back and forth between "mom" and my nickname. By dictionary definitions, along with the obvious definitions, mother also means a person who performs the tasks or duties of a female parent. I see no disrespect to the biological mom by the stepmom being called "mom." The child didn't mean any harm or disrespect to either woman by calling them mom. However, if the child starts calling the stepmom "mom or mother" and starts calling his or her biological mother by her first name then it's now a deeper issue than a title.

Erin - posted on 05/16/2011

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I feel a step parent should go by something other than mom or dad unless there is no other parent. My brother in law is crushed because his ex wife told his kids they have to call their stepfather "dad" and call their real dad by his name. I think that is totally messed up.

Chrissie - posted on 05/15/2011

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My son met his step mom when he was almost 2 he calls her mom.. I felt like someone shot my in the stomach when I heard this for the first time.. Where as my husband came about a year later and he calls him "Nick". It kinda sucks but we have never pressured him to call him dad and he does sometimes on his own. I am kind of hoping after the baby is born and he hears "daddys calling, daddys home, daddys here" maybe it will catch on with him a little more. But either way I am ok with because what he calls him had no bearing on how he feels about him. My son loves his 'step-dad'. ♥

Heather - posted on 05/18/2011

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If the biological parents are still in their lives it would depend on how they feel about it. If they aren't then i guess it would depend on if the child/children feels ok about it. Though it is not ok for a sm or sf to demand it in either circumstance.

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Catherine - posted on 03/29/2012

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I have a step son and he calls me by my name, but my daughter calls her step mom, mommy, when she's at her dad's house, and if she talks about her with me she calls her by her name. My husband her step dad, she calls him by his name, sometimes she will refer to him as her other daddy. She told me she was lucky because she has two mommies and daddies who lover her.

Jenny - posted on 03/29/2012

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My step daughter asked me if she could call me mom and I said yes and her younger brother started to do the same just when they go to their moms house they have to call me by my name or it gets confussing. I have been their step mom now for 15 years and now my SD is graduating and moving on to college. Her Bio mom just started to be interested in her daughters life this year. Openning your heart to someone elses child takes alot of heart but the kid knows you love and care for them. So I think its fine

Alicia - posted on 05/20/2011

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i personally never met my real father. my moms first marriage (my sisters dad) has always been dad. i was 2 when i met him. they got divorced and he is still dad now. my mom married my other step dad when i was 8. (my brothers dad) and we (my sister and i) called him dad as well! it just became we had 2 dads. :) i personally dont see a problem in it, i think its really how the step parents and children feel about it!

Crystal - posted on 05/20/2011

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I told my kids that if they want they can but if not its cool. As long as they are never rude. They have both a step mom and dad. And so far it works. When asked they say they have 2 moms and 2 dads and 8 grandparents.

Mirie - posted on 05/20/2011

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My brothers & I all called our step mom by her name. I was 4 when my dad married her.

Hollie - posted on 05/19/2011

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yes my SK s call me by name! i dont mind they are getting old enough ~ they know who their momm is!

yes my SK s are almost 6 and 3

Becky - posted on 05/18/2011

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My step-son calls me by my name,as I met him when he was 8. He has a mother,and I have no desire to take the place of his mom. If the show were on the other foot, I would not tolerate my kids calling another woman mom.

Amber - posted on 05/18/2011

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I have a step father and a step mother and quite a few step siblings and half siblings......I have always called my SD by his first name and the same with my SM. I was older when both came into my life. I now have a daughter who is almost 2. I have been with my fiance since I was 6 months pregnant and her BioDad is in the military. She calls my fiance Daddy and when her BD is home she calls him Daddy as well. Right now she is too young to know the difference. As she gets older we will explain to her why she has two daddys.

Jen - posted on 05/18/2011

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My daughter calls her "step-dad" dad.. but thats how she knows him. My husband has been around since she was a little over a year old and her bio. "sperm donor" has absolutely no involvement. She knows a Dad is someone who cares about you, and does things with you, and makes sure you have everything you need... and thats what her DAD does

Erica - posted on 05/18/2011

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I know from my own experience as a child it can be hard to call a step parent by mom or dad. I grew up with a step-father and I called him by his first name. After my mother and him divorced she remarried a few years later and my step-dad now I call him dad. Even though I'm no longer a child I feel like he is my dad in someway because he is willing to do anything for me and he shows me that he cares and loves me. On the other hand I have a step daughter who calls me mom/mommy. I don't know if it's because I've always been in her life since she was a 1 1/2yr old. She started out calling me by my name, but up until she was 3yrs old she has called me mom/mommy. I think it's because my own children call me mom and she feels more comfortable calling me mom plus I feel as though she is one of my own. When she comes for visits and summer vacations she is treated no differently then how I treat my own two kids. I feel there is absolutely nothing wrong with a child calling their step-parent mom/dad. Her mother has no issues with her calling me mom either. Her mother knows that she is taken care of when she is in my home. Just like my husband knows that her step-dad takes care of her when she's with her biological mother, so he has no issues with her calling her step-father dad. I think it's whatever the child is comfortable with. As parents we have to accept that there are going to other people in our children's lives and that if our children are comfortable with calling that person mom/dad then we just have to accept it as long as that person is treating that child with love, care, and has respect for the biological parent then there should be no problems.

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My husband was the only man that was ever a father to my oldest so I have no problem if she calls him dad. She calls him by his 1st name or Dad. He has no problem with her using either.

Katie - posted on 05/18/2011

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Im not sure i would like it if i separated from my husband and my children were calling his new g/f / wife mum or mummy. I klnow my husbad would hate the kids to call someone else daddy. I think perhaps if your widowed or husband / wife is estranged then you could consider if but if your children are in both parents lives then Step parents should be called by their names! But thats just my opinion. You only have one mother and one father!

Laurie - posted on 05/17/2011

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Cortney your right its the same in our family too. Doesn't matter if you are half brother or sisters, To our kids it this is my brother or sister. My mom and dad and my other mom and dad.Its nice to know there are other family our there like ours.

Laurie - posted on 05/17/2011

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When my husband and I married I had three kids already, and we let the kids decide what they wanted to call him. For six months he was Justin and then my oldest daughter started to call him daddy Justin and then out of the blue she called him daddy and then her sister he is the only dad she knew for the first three years of her life so hes always been daddy to her and my son keeps telling me that justin is a better dad to him then his own dad. So I say its up to the kids if they are comfortable saying mom or dad to the step parent then let them. My kids keep telling everyone that they are luck to have two moms and two dads it makes them special.

Renae - posted on 05/17/2011

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We have names to differentiate, Daddy and Papa and Mama Nae and Mama Ra. Mostly it depends on the ages of the kids, 3 yr olds know no difference, but a 12 yr old probably would use first names instead.

Sara - posted on 05/17/2011

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My step-son calls me Sara and has referred to me as "my Sara" (instead of my mom) lol I don't think you need the title to get or feel respect. I do a lot for him but I won't let him call me that. His mom and dad have very active roles in his life.

Adriane - posted on 05/17/2011

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my husband is my two oldest children's step dad. my hubby and i both agree that they can call him by his name or dad and that it is to be their choice. their father also has not been involved in there lives for 10 yrs now. we also have 2 kids together and he allows them to call him dad or his name.

Cortney - posted on 05/17/2011

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@Erin - I agree. That is messed up. Your BIL should also get the title dad. His ex has no right to tell the kids that their biological dad should be called by his first name. That's completely disrespectful. Children only get to call peers or people younger than them by their first name. Everything else needs to be worked out between the two individuals. And if a child is not going to give the adult a universal title of respect, then the adult in question has the right to pick what they would like to be called, not the child and not a third-party.

Deann - posted on 05/17/2011

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Both of my parents have kids from previous marriages and my sister has called her step-dad dad the whole time. My dad has never once hessitated on saying that he has 2 daughters, not 1 "real" daughter and 1 step daughter. In our family, family is family. Whether or not they're step siblings of half siblings or step parents. Were all just family.

Deanna - posted on 05/16/2011

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My mom and step dad met and started dating when I was only 3 years old and they got married when I was 4 years old. I seen my biological dad on holidays and during the the summer time. I have always called my step dad dad as long as I could remember and he called me his daughter he never liked the word step and neither did I. My biological father was ok with this and it was always told to my sister, brother and I that he is our 2nd dad and our older brother and sister. We were all fine with that. It just depends on the child's view of what they think let them be apart of it. I grew closer to my step dad then I did with my biological father but it was always my choice and never got pressured in calling him something that I didn't want to call him. It all depends on the child and the situation that they are in and what they feel comfortable with

Melissa - posted on 05/15/2011

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Personally if the child goes between its mum and dad ( real mum and dad ) then the step parent should be called by his/her first name or another name thts not mum or dad but in a situation when the real parent is not in the picture completely and never has been then it might be ok, personally i wouldnt want my daughter calling anyone else mum or dad

Michelle - posted on 05/15/2011

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I think it depends on the situation. My nephew calls my brother dad but my brother is the only dad he's ever known. If there's a bio parent in the picture it doesn't seem appropriate in most situations (like everyone is cool with it).

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My SD calls me by my name and I have been with her fasther since she was 3. I have never asked her if she would like to call me Mom b/c for one I know her mother would have a fit, and I wouldn't want her calling her step father Dad.

Jenn - posted on 05/15/2011

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My son calls his step-dad by his nickname "Birdman". He has referred to him as "dad" a couple of times, but he's never actually called him that. We've been together since my son was 18 months old. I also have a step-daughter who is 16, and she calls me by my name.

Jessica - posted on 05/15/2011

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I won't allow my step kids to call me mom. They have a mother. I wouldn't want my kids calling some other women mom.

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