so frustrated!!

Amanda - posted on 12/29/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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my hubby is driving me insane lately. i dont know if its partly these crazy pregger hormones but sheesh. we have a 19 month old dd and her brother is due march 16. my hubby gets up with her in the morning maybe once a week, twice if im super lucky. i do all the dishes and the cleaning and the cooking. im a stay at home mom while he works even though he only works part time at the moment. hes an insomniac so he never sleeps. hell be up till 3 in the morning sometimes up to 6,7,8,9 in the morning and then sleeps all day and i get no help when he is sleeping and no help when he is awake. my aunt babysat stinky the other week... i spent 3 hours cleaning the whole house. he got up with her in the morning and didnt do a thing. he had a job interview and came back just in time to vacuum one room. he hasnt cooked in over 2 months. its a hassle to ask him to help me with anything or to do dishes. its a struggle and is driving me insane. if there are no clean dishes he wont eat or hell improvise. i make sure to feed dd and then hubby and then me. im at the bottom of the totem pole. if there is a doctors appointment the next day i tell him and to go to bed so he can get up. every time.... he doesnt sleep and then he doesnt want to get up in time. wont go to the store to get milk when were out. i lug dd 4 blocks to the store and carry all that crap up 2 flights of stairs by myself. like seriously? i know pulling your own weight but this is a little ridiculous. i love him to death. hes amazing. hes just getting on my nerves lately with the lack of help. it seems to be getting worse. when we first moved in together he at least cooked once a month but now he doesnt do squat. sorry. i just really needed to vent. i feel like dumping water on his head. its snowing, supposed to get maybe 2 inches, he has work at 3, we still need milk, hes sleeping and probably not going to want to go to the store to get milk and im going to get even more peeved. ugh......

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Ashley - posted on 12/29/2012

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my husband is an insomniac also, and goes to bed at the same time, then doesnt want to get up, so i understand your frustration. he also used to never help out. he does now. i felt like him and the kids did not appreciate anything i did around here, and when i would talk about it, they wouldnt listen. they wont even take thier dishes to the sink, let alone rinse them off. when they open something or have trash, they throw it on the floor. refuse to pick toys up. pop cans all over my house with cigarette butts in them, ashtrays so full they are spilling over. when i do laundry, they be sure to get it all unfolded and messed up, and then complain cuz its wrinkled! also, they will put something on and decide to wear something differant, so instead of putting the clean clothes back up, they just throw it downstairs to be washed, not even in a basket, it will be on my stairs! im the only one who will go to the store. i am also the only female in this house out of 6 people, and i seem to be the only one who knows how to take the trash out. they dont do all of this anymore, cuz i had enough. and i dont mind cleaning and cooking and doing it all because i have been a stay at home mom, but when they have no respect for what we do, and take advantage of us, it gets old real quick. so, when i decided i had enough and it was time for them to learn some respect and how to do things for themselves, i quit cleaning, i quit cooking, and i quit doing laundry. they all came home one day, and asked why i didnt do anything all day. i said because im on strike. you guys now get to feed yourselves, clean the house, and do the laundry, and if you dont do it, well, i guess this is how you will be living, in this filthy, disgusting mess. (im a clean freak, so it was very hard to do this.). i said if they cant start realizing how hard i work around here, and start respecting me for it, then i was going to move out by myself and leave them in this gross mess. they didnt believe me at first, so they went on about playing there games, and watching tv, and when they got hungry they asked what is for dinner. i said whatever you cook yourself, there's plenty of microwavable things in there. so they fed themselves. my husband made them take baths that night and clean the living room up. but the next day, they came home and the house was still a mess. they didnt care until they got hungry and asked what was for dinner and i gave them the same response i did the night before. my family is used to me cooking big meals just about every night, they hate cheap microwave things. the next day was a saturday and i stayed in bed. i told my husband the kids were his, i was still on strike. so he finally got up with them, and tripped over some things, and had no clean dishes to feed them, and saw the clothes piled on the stairs, and saw that all the trash that had made it to the kitchen was on top of the bag and all over the floor, not even in the trash. i heard saying a few choice words to himself, and then i heard him tell my kids to eat some poptarts and go get dressed and be back in the living room in 10 minutes. when they all got to the living room, i heard him lecture them about the house for probably an hour, (and he even said he was wrong for letting it be like this too), and then he said we are going to get this house clean today and we are all going to start helping out more, and i dont ever want to see this house like this again. i fell back asleep, and i slept til about 5, when they came in and woke me up with a very good dinner in bed. they all apologized, and told me how hard it was for them to clean, and scrub, and make it look like i did it, and that they will help me more. i got up to see it, and my house was spotless, laundry was done and put away right. ever since then, my husband gets up with me in the mornings, he helps more with the kids, and the kids have certain chores when they get home every day. i didnt know what else to do, so that's what i did and it worked. talking to them never did anything, making them actually do it for themselves made my life much easier. you should try it. good luck.

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Amanda - posted on 12/29/2012

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ive got the pregnant hormonal weepies bad enough today and it just got worse. tried waking up hubby an hour and a half before work so thatd hed have time to make himself lunch, mind you, not me this time. and to clear off his car and drive to work because we got a good 5 inches of snow and its still snowing. normally it takes about 10 minutes to get to work. he had to be in by 3. tried waking him up a little after one. he went back to sleep. fine. i set his alarm in his phone for 10 minutes later. i walked to the store to get milk, juice, eggs and cereal cuz were out of milk. i come home, dd i guess just woke up because she was fussing and hes still flipping sleeping. i went back outside for a 15 minute cool down walk because i couldnt process anything i was so irked. come back and hes rushing around to leave. hes affectionately trying to figure out why im being distant and whats wrong. i just cant say anything. and then he comes out with thank you if you cleaned off my car. im like what??!?!?!! that just made everything worse. like its bad enough that you wont help me with dishes or sleep at night so you can get up in the morning and dont cook. ever. and i serve you your food but to see me upset and assume i cleaned off your car?? really babe?? come on... i feel bad because i didnt say anything other than you have to go but i am at a loss for words. i love you but damn.

Amanda - posted on 12/29/2012

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thats the thing.. lol i dont have license yet. i was supposed to go for my test but then sandy hit and messed it up and i havent rescheduled yet because of all the doctor appointments lately. i understand his frustration but it doesnt seem like he understands mine. not to be self centered or anything. its rough. im 20 and dont have a license. its pitiful. i know. not to be making excuses but i really never had the availability to get my license. my mom has a mental condition and my dads in and out of jail. thats why i walk to the grocery store when i can to get wic stuff which is getting to be a pain as dd gets bigger. we dont food shop there because theyre expensive. right now shes napping and im listening to some music which is making me feel better. i dont know what to do about going to get milk though. either walk in 5 inches of snow or drive.....

Ashley - posted on 12/29/2012

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no problem. vent all you want. i have been there. try not being so nice to your husband sometimes, maybe he will get the point. it's just going to get harder when the new baby comes, because the newborn will be even more demanding more often, with less sleep. i understand about the finances, i just got a part time job that i start monday. my husband makes enough to pay the bills and get everything we need, im just tired of never having anything left over, so im trying to help out. maybe while he is up all night, he could be looking for a new job on the internet, or clean something. or instead of him going to the laundry mat with you, he could stay home with your dd, so you can get a couple hours away from them and the house by yourself. when i start feeling overwhelmed like that, i go take a nice warm bubble bath and stay in there like an hour. my husband and kids have learned not to bother me when i take a bath, (which hardly ever happens, but it does help to calm you down and feel relaxed.).

Amanda - posted on 12/29/2012

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my dd is 19 months old so of course i feel under appreciated and stepped all over. she has a nasty temper to her and i feel like im walking around on egg shells with her. if i dont get her something she wants fast enough she hits me and screams at me. you tell her no to something and its an automatic fit. we just got her over her not wanting to go to bed hump where we would put her in bed but shed get out and slam her head on the door. shes oober demanding and throws the biggest fits when you stand in her way. i enjoy cooking. but im tired because i serve dd and husband and then me. i cater to them both. dd is understandable. if i dont cook he starves or eats peanut butter or ramen and doesnt have any complaints about it. it drives me absolutely batty. even when he is awake i cant get crap done because dd is getting into everything and he wont get her or help still. weve had a bad build up of garbage where we had lord of the flies going on in our house, no joke. there were so many flies on the window that we were literally vacuuming them up. i bugged him for 2 weeks to wash one flipping pot. it turned black and cancerous and i bleached it to disinfect it and stuck it in the sink. 3 weeks later he still hasnt washed it but i washed everything else. dd is a tornado. she ransacks the house on a regular basis and im just too unmotivated to want to keep up with it. and i still get no help. hugs and kisses and i love yous are great and all but dammit help me. im oober emotional and just pray to god that when the next one comes im not going to be stuck with everything. our lease is up in march and my due date is in march and we have no options or ideas for living arrangement when the time comes. hes been struggling to find a better job since he quit his 13 an hour job in september and finally got another job at 7.25 an hour a month ago thats only part time and not cutting it with the bills. were scraping by with my financial aid for school which i would LOVE to get a laptop for myself but we cant because if i do then were screwed for the bills and food. and it gets me even more mad when he gets cranky with her when she jumps on him and wakes him up. practically every day i wake him up for lunch because i make everyone lunch and after is dds nap. if theres no milk in the house hell just eat cereal out of the box dry. i seriously feel like dumping cold water on him or something. is a little help too much to ask? when youre being an insomniac you could be helping straighten up the house. something. anything. i know youre depressed because you cant find a better job and dont know how to support us but sheesh. come on now. i love you. i support you but lets go. im sorry its all on your shoulders. i acknowledge that. but it doesnt give you the excuse or the right to slack off as much as you are. 19 month old dd and a 25 year old husband that i feel are walking all over me. ugh. you sound like youre at your wits end too sometimes. the things we women do. were at the bottom of the totem pole. i couldnt imagine living with 6 guys. ugh. lol at least we dont smoke in the house which is one less thing to worry about. we go to the laundromat twice a month and he complains every time. he is my overgrown man child, no joke. on top of everything we never get babysitting. so she drives me royally insane being glued to my hip 24/7 and then i have to take care of hubby on top of it and get mad because i get no breaks and no help and he cant do half of the things that i do for him. i literally hand him his food like all the time. i get mad some days and tell him to wake the hell up and go get his own crap. in a nice way. ugh. thanks for letting me vent.

Patricia - posted on 12/29/2012

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I would have a heart to heart. Tell him Look I am exhausted with being pregnant and taking care of the house and child. He needs to help out somewhere and get himself on a better sleeping scjedule.

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