So if he lost his job should he help?

Jamie - posted on 08/07/2011 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My husband lost his job like 2 weeks ago. Am i wrong to expect a lil help with our 3 kids soon to he 4 in 5 days. they are all boys. I dont mean do it all i just mean like helping by putting laundry in or dishes, or bathing the kids. Am i asking to much.

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[deleted account]

Helping out sure, but his primary job should be looking for one. Which means you might not get the help you need right when you ask. It might be better to ask him to do things that only take a bit to do and can wait a few minutes to be done.



When someone isn't home most of the time, they don't know or think about what needs to be done. So it is helpful to have a list. This is what I've been doing with my husband since I've been on and off bedrest.

Amy - posted on 08/09/2011

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I am a diff kinda stay at home mom then most moms I know. I do all the inside house stuff unless my husband helps out. i dont mind doing it all but my thing is just because you have a job doesnt mean you cant help and shouldnt help when i need it just because i stay home. so in saying that, he should be helping out regardless of work status. especially with the kids. but since he did loose his job im sure its been hard on him as well as the rest of you, i would personally give him a few weeks of letting him relax and get mentally together and then if hes not helping out at all then have a talk with him about helping out. my sil gives me such a hard time about me expecting my husband to help out since he works to provide us with the things we have. and to me i see it this way my husband works hard to provide for my family and i love him and am greatful for it but staying home is a full time job as well. so if i need help doing something then he dang well better get off his butt and help. Ive also have had a job that i worked 40 plus hours a week and came home and did the cooking and cleaning and taking care of my son, so i have no sympathy for him when i ask him to help out. my sil says im the only stay at home mom that she knows with that mind set. thats just my little 2 cents. so if any one thinks your asking to much then just remember im the devil then.lol good luck

Michelle - posted on 08/07/2011

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Yes he should be doing those things. My husband works and helps out all the time. We have a division of chores that works for us and that regardless of if I'm a SAHM or not. We both made our daughter so it's both or responsibilities to look after her.
Our daughter prefers Dad to bathe her anyway but my hubby also does all the laundry and dishes. I cook every night and keep the house clean. It works for us and it means that I don't feel like a slave to everyone.
I have 2 boys from my previous marriage and I'm glad that I have hubby as a great role model for them.

[deleted account]

Of course he should help! But it may take him awhile to adjust and get into the routine. Ask him to do a few things first and not overload. I imagine he is very stressed and feeling like he's not providing for his family since he lost his job. Take it easy on him. And let him know that he should enjoy this time with his kids. :)

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Eva-Lotta - posted on 08/09/2011

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Working or not working, you are a team which means everybody helps! I don't know how old your kids are but my 5 year old SS gets to help with things that he is able to and my partner is great with helping. Yes, he has to be aloowed time to look for other jobs but regardsless he should be helping as much as he can especially seeing you are due to have a baby any minute really!
Godd luck and congrats with your extra addition!
:)

Casey - posted on 08/09/2011

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Of COURSE he should help! He should be doing everything he can to help around the house, especially with you so close to having another one.

Michelle - posted on 08/08/2011

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Of course he should be helping. You'll have to let him have some time for job searching but if he's at home he can contribute a lot more. Especially with another one on the way. If he's not working right now he could be doing at least half (and most of it right after the baby's born). There's no reason for him not to be. You'll probably have to show him how you do stuff. If he's anything like my husband he doesn't have a clue.

[deleted account]

Yes, I think he should help if he is not devoting the entire time he used to spend at work to finding a new job (and while he should be devoting 3-4 hours a day seeking work, It is difficult to spend much longer without running out of stuff to do--unfortunately, looking for work is often a waiting game). When he is home more often, he creates more of a mess, so he should contribute a little more to helping clean up/manage kids.

If he worked outside your home, he is unfamiliar with the way the way your home is run while he is out, so you will have to guide him. Ask him to do things when you need them done--he won't notice the pile of clothes on the floor because he is used to you picking it up, it is not that he doesn't appreciate that you do it, it's just that he doesn't think about it. So when you notice, and your hands are full, say something like "I'm doing ____ can you pick up that pile for me?" If he doesn't, he'll feel like crap for sitting on his arse while you work.

Remember it is temporary, he's new to the situation, but you don't need to "train" him so to speak, because he'll be going back to work soon.

[deleted account]

If it were my husband he'd be out looking for work, no matter what kind. And after that he'd be helping me either with the kids or the house..... more than likely the kids because I like things a certain way.

Tamara - posted on 08/07/2011

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Yes he should, and I also feel it shouldnt be asked. I feel that parenting is the responsibility of both parents working or not, it should never be just one person if both parents are in the home.

Stifler's - posted on 08/07/2011

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Hell NO. I make my husband do those things and he works 50 hours a week.

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