SO in hospital, i didn't find out for 5 hours

Amanda - posted on 02/20/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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My significant other and I have been together for almost 6 years. We have a 2 year old together. Our son and I are currently on vacation roughly 1,000 miles from our home. 3 days ago S/O was found in his car, unresponsive and not breathing. He had to be hooked up to ventilators, was in and out of conciousness. It was estimated his horn was blaring for almost 30 minutes before a neighbor went to find out what was going on. They had to bust his back window out to unlock the car. During CPR they found food stuck in his throat. Nurses said if it had been a few more minutes he would be dead....This happened around around 7:00 pm. I did not even get a phone call from his sister or father until almost midnight. So to me, for 5 hours, the man I love, who I have spent 6 years of my life with, who I have a child with was laying in a hospital bed, almost dead and I didn't not so much as receive a phone call. When his sister finally realized i hadnt been called she called me and explained that she was on facebook and realized "Shit Amanda dont know what if someone posts it on facebook" so she called me. Later she said she didnt let me know because she didnt want me to worry and was going to let me know after they found out more. However, His mother who lives 2500 miles away was notified, his friends were notified and were at the hospital, his aunt and uncle were notified and at the hospital. So why we're they all notified before everything was found out and I was not? I have medical information about him that no one else knows. When I told his sister he has a history of seizures she said "what I didn't know that. They even asked me if he has a history of seziures" and she ran back to tell the nurse.....Right now I feel like an after thought. My information could have drastically changed the way the doctors were treating him. They still have no idea what happened to him, but thankfully he is home and being treated for pneumonia.....right now i want nothing to do with his family. I am angry at the whole situation...I would like to know opinions on rather i should be angry or if I am just over reacting. Thanks

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Shantel - posted on 02/22/2016

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I would be angry too. And the hospital or ambulance should have asked for his emergency contact which should have been you. Who ever called the sister an father should have phoned you as well. That is crazy I would have been pissed.

Raye - posted on 02/20/2016

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Obviously, you should have been notified. You are his life partner, and you had information that would have helped. However, many people still have a mindset that a wife is more important than a partner. A wife legally is the next of kin, and would normally be one of the first to be informed. But a girlfriend, even long term, is not a relation, and doesn't have some of the same rights as a married person. It's sad, because there are so many more "unconventional" relationships these days (my sister has been with her boyfriend for 25 years). So families and hospitals should start to review these antiquated policies and mindsets to accommodate the unconventional family.

I hope your BF gets well, and I hope you look into a Living Will and/or medical Power of Attorney to plan for other medical emergencies that could happen. Or, get married.

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