Someone help me speak man?

Chantelle - posted on 09/03/2010 ( 41 moms have responded )

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So I just like the rest of us are a stay at home mom with two beautiful boys and a fiance from another world most of the time. He's a soldier in the United States Army who works long hours sometimes and feels that entitles him to giving me no assistance. I don't know how he spends his day but I spend mine cooking, cleaning, chasing the boys, organizing all his military stuff, and prepping for the next day. I have to think of everything and last night was no different. We need to go grocery shopping and I needed him to take me because I can't drive manual. Instead he get his "zone" and plays an online game with the guys from work. Meanwhile I am waiting to figure out what we are doing for dinner at least for the boys because by 8pm I was past hungry and wanting to eat. I wanted to feed the boys, get them in bed, and then take myself to bed. I had to scrape together something out of nothing meanwhile he's on the damn game. I have tried talking to him over and over again and it never works. I need some advice on how to get thru to him. He had the nerve to say I should just be there for him-- who the hell is here for me. Its the same story every night and I am at a point where I can't breath anymore when he comes home. Help me!

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Medic - posted on 09/03/2010

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My husband was military and his ass helped every night when he got home from work. I told him from the get go they are his kids too and he can help out. I don't give a rats ass what he does all day and it is not my job to be his mommy and make sure all his military shit is in order. I would have a come to jesus meeting with your husband and lay the law down. Personally I know that if I am going to feel like a single mom then I WILL be a single mom, I don't need a man so he knows he is here because I WANT him not NEED him.

Medic - posted on 09/04/2010

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It's not your job it's shit for his job he was grown enough to join grown enough to make it threw basic and he is still grown enough to handle it on his own. The most I have ever done with my husbands uniforms is pull them out of a bag and throw them at him so he could wash them..... I couldn't even tell you where all the patches and ribbons go and he was in 7 years. Don't let it stress you out..... Your not the one that needs it... Just let go of control when it does not directly affect you or the kids. I'm sure you married to have a partner not another child so just stop mothering him all together. I'm really not trying to lecture you I just hate when I see other military wives feeling this way.

Amanda - posted on 09/03/2010

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I know exactly what you are going thru, My hubby is in the police force and also works long hours his problem is that all he wants to do is sleep , be on his cell phone and the computer. I have 4 kids at home and it's a handful, so what I did i handed over the bills the grocery list and told him that I will no longer take care of any of those things except for my kids. It's hard not to have that control but i had to do it. so when he asked whats for dinner i told him that i dont know, when are you going grocery shopping. it took at least 3 months when he realized that what I was doing was hard enough and he could not handle it so he started to help and be more understanding. Maybe you just have to give tough love sometimes act like you dont care anymore like he does and just take care of your needs and your babies. He is a grown man and is more than capable of taking care of himself. Good luck

Melissa - posted on 09/11/2010

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I keep reading and reading and it just occured to me that the heart of the issue is respect. Your man is asking for respect of his profession and you are desparate for respect of your 24/7 job of mothering! Can you think about having a conversation with him centering on this one word, what it means and constructive ideas on how you already do or would like to show it to each other? I am convinced that men are oblivious to a mothers responsibilities and that we take it on without being asked or being taught how to do them. But while we crave sensativity to all that we do, a man craves respect and admiration for their job. You know this world doesn't treat mens and womens responsibilites the same, but having an ongoing conversation to how you can meet each other's needs may go a long way.

I have a military man (airforce) for a husband and I have to say that he doesn't ask for me to help in any way and yet he is constantly thanking me for my support. But the difference may exist because of the respect we constantly have to work at expressing toward each other. (Note that I didn't say it comes naturally; we periodically have to have polite and constructive talks to readjust our behavior.)

I hope you find this helpful. I'll pray that you find a way to express kindness to each other and begin to find joy in family time.

Michelle - posted on 09/05/2010

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I've had a similar problem... However I no longer do. I stopped cleaning up after him, doing his laundry, packing his lunch for work. I just stopped finally after two weeks of my house looking a wreck and he had no clothes he quietly picked up, did his laundry and has since.

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Samantha - posted on 10/28/2010

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Hey Chantelle, God, I feel your pain hunny. Heres the thing that I'm sure you're aware of by now. A lot more of us go through this then you'de think. I don't know why but even the best military huby's (and just hubbys in general) are selfish. I don't know why. I've talked to a lot of other military and civilian spouses about this and we all get caught in this stupid do everything traps. A few other things you may want to mention to him is that he gets to LEAVE his job and you don't. You are WORKING HARD from the time you wake to the time you go to sleep and probably stress some more in your dreams. Tell him all you want is to be a good wife and be there for him but HE is actually the reason why you can't do more, hes holding you back from being a great wife. Hunny, he is not gonna wake up one day and be a great husband by the grace of God. Do you want the best advice every? Read what I'm going to say carefully: "Be 100% independent!!!" That is the only way you will be happy for so many reasons. If you are 100% independent, you'll never feel like you have to stay with him for any other reason then you are head over heals in love with him. That way it'll feel good if you stay or God forbid, if you don't. Do you get what I'm saying? I'm about to start college again. I'm going to try to get into the nursing program at my local community college. (Yes I take my own advice).I've been with my husband for 10+ years and I want to know beyond a reasonable doubt that i WANT to be with him. Am I making sense?

Sondra - posted on 09/16/2010

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hun, i'm right there with you and have been for 11yrs now. my hubby isn't in the military though, but his ps3 is "the other woman" lol. i can't really give you any advice other than to say that you're not alone. i've been hanging in there, but at times don't know how much longer i can anymore. i guess i learn to deal with it, and when he shuts the door on me and the kids, i don't bother trying to open it anymore, been trying for years but it seems like he just adds more padlocks and an electrified fence. hopefully he will realize that he's losing us before its too late. in the meantime, i have devoted myself to making sure that my kids have what they need and to figuring out what i want to do. once i get myself going, he can either choose to come along or get left behind, but the choice is his, not mine. i'm learning how to love me again, and for me that's enough right now. sorry i couldn't be of more help than that, but you are in my thoughts.

Jelena - posted on 09/15/2010

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Hey, I am not a wife of a soldier, but being a wife of a Executive Chef feels just the same. He works long ours, wears an uniform, job is stressful and we change countries a lot. Chantelle one of the first challenges I had when we moved to Russia was to switch from Manual to Automatic and from Limo type car to Jeep. I was terrified but also sick at being stuck at home at freezing cold and not being able to go anywhere, heavily pregnant with our first child and then i had a baby and I was stuck at home with him, while my husband was working 24-7 and I would see him late at night. needles to say I had a massive post pregnancy depression. So, I started driving, join the Womens Club there, joined the gym and my life took off with increased mobility, being more indenpendet and meeting more people. Now we are in Carribian and I came here 30 weeks pregnant with the second child and with a little boy of 2,5 years. I travelled alone for 2 days with all the luggage and my son. Needless to stay, I came to extreme heat, heavily pregnant, stuck at home with my little son and baby. here they drive from the left hand side so I was terrified to drive and my husband did not have too much time to show me how to drive on the other side of the road. I had a C section so I postponed it until I was 2 months after i had a baby. By that point I gotr so sick of being stuck at home and wirhout a vehicle, always waiting for my husband to buy groceries and he always forgets sth or gets sth wrong.Finaly I told him I need the car so he started leaving it to me and slowly I started driving. I am still shaky but what an improvement in my self confidence, plus not to mention that I dont need to wait for my friends to pick me up in order to go somewhere. I tried walking no way with the heat. So, you need to take small steps and make yourself more indenpendent from your husband. The more you do, the better you will feel about yourself and him. Try learning the road when you go with him, that helped me immensely when I started driving on my own! Good luck. Remember, baby steps, every little one helps! PS My husband washes his uniform every night and he irons it, he never asked me to do it for him, nor I would have the energy to do that after the whole day with the kids, anyway if he does ask me to iron I say I am not very good and I am afraid I will burn the uniform which is enough for him to give up on the idea, sometimes u have to lie a little.

Amber - posted on 09/15/2010

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This is how you talk to him: "Goodbye".



I know that sounds harsh and is not what you want to hear. It can be horribly scary to think he might not be there especially if he helps provide for you. I tell you - you cannot change him. He will not change. You already have 2 little boys to care for. Do you really want a lazy teenager to mother, too? Really?



You are not married. He has no real commitment to your or your boys. Your story is my case in point. Take care of yourself and your family - your little boys. Protect them. Make sure they have everything they need. You can give them that. \



eta: Treating him like a child only perpetuates the problem and shows that you can act like a child, too. Get therapy or get out.



- wife/mother of 15 years

Rhonda - posted on 09/14/2010

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I know how you feel and the answer is so simple stop careing foe his need's just worry about you and the boy's. Don't wash his clothes,don't organizing his stuff just stop doing everything that has to do with his need's treat him like he is treating you and he will see the picture. I did the same thing with my boyfriend we got 3 kid's and been 2gether for 6 year's and just b/c I am a stay at home mom he think's he don't have to help me out with anything so I stop doing everthing that he needed done I even gave him the silent treatment this went on for about 2 week's and he finally came around

Alicia - posted on 09/14/2010

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My husband works long hours too, then comes home and falls asleep in his chair, it drives me insane. I told him that I just don't have time to get EVERYTHING done so I asked him to pick 2 jobs within the house that he could handle doing for me. He chose laundry (which is my nemesis so I don't mind) and the garbage. Now he understands a bit, he's forever saying "how does the laundry pile up so quickly"?

Sheryl - posted on 09/11/2010

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what you may want to do is talk to him when he relax and spending sometime with you. and if that happen agian then maybe talk to another wife and ask if she would take you or just a friend. best of luck. men there not the easy people to deal with. they say where are a hand full but really it them.

Tressa - posted on 09/11/2010

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Hide the game.. lol.. No , but on a seriuos note.. he isn't giving enough appreciation to you.. Nor, does he care about how you or the kids get fed. Apparently his friends/co workers come before his family. I believe it is time to sit him down and have a REAL one on one chat, of course while that children are off to bed.. Just let him know your fed up, either you start helping.. or we are done.. You shouldnt have to put up with that.. Goodluck dear.. anyitme im here..

Jessika - posted on 09/11/2010

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Its really either get up or get out but thats hard to say to someone like that but hey what can you do. I go through the same thing every day. I gave my fiance an ultimatum, if you dont help me i wont help and he still didnt help me so i treated him like he was a child and grounded him from his games and the computer it sounds kind of silly but i took the cords and wires that were the important ones and hid them, hey, if i dont get my free time, you dont deserve it in the least bit either and he finally learned when i needed his help he got up and did it without hesitation. We argued for a little bit after wards but he leaned his lesson!

Michelle - posted on 09/11/2010

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Honey - no woman can EVER speak man! They are just....downright un-understandable most times. I'm a SAHM but - my husband is at home too so I don't have a 'no husband at home' problem - but I DO understand how you feel as I too have to do all the thinking. I manage the money - talk to various Government and non-government agencies because my husband a: won't talk to them without getting angry; b: won't give me the information he gets from them without forgetting something; or c: just flat out refuses to talk to them. It took almost a year - and it was I that forced the issue in the end - for him to change doctors after our old one retired and his practice was bought by a female whom at that stage we both didn't like. After putting up with his moaning and groaning, his odd behaviour which sadly - I found out the hard way meant that he was having an online affair, his extra tiredness because the GP increased his epilepsy meds, his constatnly forgetting to put the park brake on in the car and the big one- him forgetting to do it and making sure the car was in park before heading into a shop - the car wasn't and rolled backwards into a shop resulting in almost $7000 worth of damage and us with no insurance, I rang the epilepsy association and just begged for help. They gave me the name of a doctor - I made an appointment and he went. Turns out the Dr was a friend of his sister and he's fantastic! I wrote a letter that husband was to hand over to new Dr addressing my concerns for his health. Within 4 months ( it did take that long) he was seeing a psychologist as I had demanded and had had his tests done as I had demanded.

Now - he still doesn't do all that much around here - but he's getting a little better. But I still do the thinking and deal with the money. He can't even find the remote control and would rather spend 20 minutes looking for it, than just turn the channel manually. He doesn't do online games anymore because of me catching him out - he'd actually gone to another state to visit family and coincidentally this chick lived in the same city, with plans to meet up with her and...well - get it on basically. I hate having to do all the thinking because when I fall apart - get sick - whatever - I still have to do it.....I still take kids to school and pick them up and take them to appointments.

It's next to impossible sweetheart to know what goes through a man's mind. I don't drive manual's very well - only automatics - but I can drive them. Friends GAVE us an 8 seater manual van - I've driven it 4 times around the back streets of our suburb to get used to driving it...it takes a lot of practice and my own meds mean I'm not always 'on the ball' enough to drive it safely. See if you can afford a little automatic car? If you have a friend who can take you - and leave the kids with him when he's home. Try writing him a letter without 'blame' aimed at him - doesn't work for my husband - but you never know - if might work for you. Tell him how you feel in the letter. Do n't use anything accusatory in it. OR - if there's a friend you both trust - male preferably - talk to him. Haha - I've let rip to a mate of my husband's......he then has a quiet word to my husband making sure he understands what I'm saying. Changes don't often last here....but even a week is a bit of a relief.

Liz - posted on 09/11/2010

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Have the internet shut off.
That's what I've had to do in the past.
Then have a heart to heart with him.
Then learn how to drive manual.
Good luck! It's a tough situation, but you are not alone. I would absolutly have the internet shut off though and make sure he knows that if he wants it back on, he needs to step up to the family plate. He's not a teenager anymore. I understand he may need to un-wind after a long day at work. But he needs to do his un-winding after he's been a daddy to his kids and a husband to you.
Sounds more like he has a addiction, rather than just a need to un-wind.

[deleted account]

I know what you mean with the damn video games. My Bf always says "I worked all day and now I want to play.. " Its frustrating. Just dont go out of your way for him anymore.. tell him you've got too many other things to keep track of, and he's a big boy, he can do things himself =)

Ronda - posted on 09/10/2010

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I just read through some of the other replies... With military wives, you got to be careful..some are holier than thou do everything for their husbands.. Me on the other hand am not and have never been. My husband had been deployed a few times and the most recent was 15mon to Iraq.. It is hard to deal with them..It's been almost a yr since he has been home and there are still rocky points but thats a relationship. Counseling has done wonders for us. He now sees that its not me with the problem.

Ronda - posted on 09/10/2010

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Hi, well I don't know if I have any advice that would help. I am an Army Wife, been one for almost 12yrs. My husband is into facebook more than online gaming. Which neither one is acceptable to me. I understand your frustration about him saying "Just be there for me" and yet there is noone here for us. I am lucky enough that my mother made me learn how to drive a manual before an automatic so I would never be stranded anywhere. My suggestion would be learn how to drive a manual. Then I would suggest talking to him about the gaming issue. We have a rule now in my house that once the kids are in bed and the house is cleaned, he can get online. For dinner, just make his butt pb&j''s since he wont take you to the store. I have learned how to make dinner out of nothing many times by just throwing a bunch of things in a pot and cooking. Sometimes it's good, and well sometimes not. I hope I helped a little,. I do understand.

Rhonda - posted on 09/10/2010

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I understand that they need some time to unwind and relax after a hard days work and I don't mind that. Playing those games all night with the guys is not acceptable. He needs to get his priorities in order and help you with the boys. Men don't seem to understand that we need a break too. Next time he won't take you to the store, call his Sargeant and ask if they can give you a ride so you can get groceries. I can't drive manual either but I would definately learn if I were in you position. Good Luck!

Melissa - posted on 09/10/2010

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Do something out of the ordinary to get his attention. Put the kids to bed and put on something extra attention getting, and make him want you. We as stay at home moms need this kind of time, so do your best to make it happen. Any more problems, send me a message.

[deleted account]

your man needs some tough love, honey. don't do his laundry, put a club lock on his car and see how he likes being trapped in the house, unplug the computer, and next time everyone is hungry go into his cave, hand him a club and say " me make fire, you get meat.....man who play video games get no grub grub" that's man-speak. and if he doesn't move...don't you dare make me him anything to eat. feed yourself and your kids....he's a soldier for chrissakes.....let him hunt and forage!

User - posted on 09/09/2010

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I know you probably love your guy to pieces just as I love my guy but if my guy treated me like that, he would have been out the door ages ago. I'd rather look after two children not three. As for the online games, if I were in your shoes, I would put a password on the internet that he would never guess and tell him he has to earn the right to go online. If he wants to act like a child, treat him like one. If you can, get somebody else to take you shopping or order online of possible but only cook for you and the kids at a time that suits you. Make him cook his own if he's gonna treat you like crap. I personally would never let my man get away with that, military man or not. Hope that helps hun and good luck.

Candyce - posted on 09/08/2010

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Welcome to every male on the face of the earth, lol. I think they all have moments like those, some more than others. I don't know what to tell you though. Dh and I had some nasty fights involving that attitude (why can't you support me?? I DO!! No, you NEVER do!!! That's a damn lie - who the hell is going to support me while I'm carrying the rest of the family?!?!?!). So... you could fight it out or get advice from a longtime married couple. No freaking clue, I'm flying blind myself, lmao.

Blessed Be

Aimee - posted on 09/08/2010

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if he cant do things for you then dont do them for him. stop doing his laundry or organizing his stuff. Make him notice what all you do. when he asks why his stuffs not ready, tell him if he wants it done then he can do it himself, or start helping you out!! his choice... ive had this problem also. my husband works long hours and i understand hes tired but i work even longer hours from the time the kids are up till after they go to bed. and then i dont sleep good so that makes it worse. they are his kids also, his mess, and he can help out! even if its not constant he now helps, sometimes you just have to force it. like i will throw our kids on him and tell all three(husband and 2kids)to go play and ill walk off and do what i need to get done...

Merry - posted on 09/08/2010

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I give my husband one night a week to go to his friends house and do 'guy stuff' so every Monday around 3 pm he goes there and comes home whenever he wants. He knows it's coming so he will not be playing video games etc other days. Monday is also his only day to eat junk food. He eats healthy the rest of the week. So this way he knows he will get time for himself so it's easier for him to help me out other days. Also before he leaves on Mondays he will do practically any chore I ask because he is grateful for the time he gets.
Now I could have a night myself but I would rather be with our son so for now I am not doing a night away from home. But I know I could if I wanted to :)
Might help!!!

Summer - posted on 09/07/2010

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I think you are a strone women and I think that your children need you and I think your husband needs a reality check he needs to know that when his children grow up they are going to avoid him because he never wanted to be with them. My dad didnt like to spend time with us when we were kids and my mother raised four kids and she worked and did the house work and cooked dinner and once I had my first child I told her father you can either help with her or you can go I will say one thing about him he is a great father to her but he wasnt a great husband so we divorced. I think you should let your children go to a family members house for a night or two and have a husband wife time and thats when you should talk to him about how you feel and dont hold back let him know exactly what you think and if you think you might forget something right every thing down if that helps you..... I hope you can get threw to him and he can understand how you feel and maybe he will help you more once he gets the idea of how your day is and how hard you work. good luck

Amanda - posted on 09/05/2010

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i agree with jennifer lott LOL. he helped make those kids he needs to help with em. and he chose to be in the military so he needs to deal with it. when he gets home he needs to be there for his family. not with his friends. yea he can be with his friends but i mean come on. he gets deployed and all that crap so he doesnt see his family for a while and if hes over seas its for like a year or so. so at least he could do is put other things aside right when he gets home and show his family the attention you guys deserve 1st. and his friends can come in second. my sons father is in the military and we arent together and he acts like that also. sometimes wonder which is more important. but at least he stuck around for you guys.

Chantelle - posted on 09/05/2010

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Hey ladies I can't thank you enough for all of this amazing advice. Next on the agenda learning manual. Its great to hear from the wives that used to be military or still are. I am a part of the military spouses circle as well. I am adjusting and have been working at this with him. Wish me luck and I have begun to make him responsible for his own things. I think he got spoiled by me doing everything for him and I thought I could juggle it all. I am with someone because I wanted a partner. Eventually we will get this all on track but thanks so much some of you made me smile and even laugh. Very witty and intelligent.

Stifler's - posted on 09/05/2010

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I can speak man. They want to relax when they get home from work like they did when they were single. They don't count housework and mothering as work either. It's up to us to smash their dreams and turn them into fathers.

Ann - posted on 09/05/2010

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Hi! there,I understand where you are coming from. Although my husband isn't in the army. My husband is an Elevator Mechanic. Who builds elevator's from the ground up. It's a very hard and stressful job. But, so is taking care of your children. I'm in a different situtation. My son is 8yrs. old. And he is disabled. I'm also a stay at home mom. So it's very hard at times. To just do everything yourself. All men work hard a work! But, so do we. So maybe? if you in lighten him a little bit. At what you do everyday. Maybe he will get the picture. Or try not doing for him. Make him get his things ready for work. Let him see what it's like for himself. When his things are not ready for work. You take care of your boys. And take care of yourself. Maybe? then he will get the picture. And try to help you more. I hope this helps. Good Luck! Ann Barrows.

[deleted account]

Well first I would suggest finding a way to learn how to drive a manual. Then I would suggest that you keep talking to him. Remember he has just as high demand job as you do and even if they don't admit it men can be just as fragile. Also, try getting out without the kids once a month. Trade with another mom where you both can have one day a month to run errands, take yourselves to lunch, read a book, take a relaxing bath, etc. You can do this just remember men are different and when we have kids our husbands become kids again as well.

good luck and god bless

Amy - posted on 09/04/2010

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I would suggest learning to drive the car also or if he will not take you to the store and you have some extra money take a cab. The more theing you do independently the more hemay want to reconnect with you. My husabnd get up first thing on Sat and do the grocery shopping, we are the first in ,line at the commissary. We figure out a list of things to do and after that he can play Madden until his arms fall off. I would keep some staple in your pantry such as spaghetti and sauce. Eggs and pancakes can make a good dinner. Also make double your dinners and freeze them, that way you can have adecent dinnere when everything is getting low. We even keep powderes milk for emergecnies. I am a spouse of a soldier and wonder what do you have to do to organize your husbands stuff. You can wash the ACU's with the patches on them My husband has 5 sets of PTs and I only wash them once a week. You do not know what he needs for details and he should be gathering that himself. this group has a military spouse group you can join. Another thing that has helped my keep it together is flyllady.net. I have 6 children and only spend about 30 minutes cleaning my house a day,thank to flylady. when my husband wnet through this and was putting his job and games first i told him that we needed to feel important too. He did not realize what he was doing and he really made an effort (withholding sex helped a lot with that) You have made it through one deployment and can make it through this. I wish you the best of luck.

Chantelle - posted on 09/04/2010

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Thank you so much for that advice. I have been struggling with these issues for a few months now. I am working on being a little stronger with him and the more military wives I talk to the more prepared I will be. What is really bothersome is the fact he will be deployed for a year or more at a time shouldn't he want to be here and be a part of his family while the oportunity is available. Everyone is giving me great ideas on how to combat these areas of concern. Now to implement a few on my own. If I leave him in charge of getting his military stuff together it won't get done and til the last minute and it will stress me the hell out! I am trying to teach him organization but its a huge work in progress thanks so much ladies!

Chantelle - posted on 09/03/2010

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You women are amazing~ I got so much advice out of this I am so happy to have found this outlet. The military shit is his uniforms, pt and misc. shit he needs for deatils. Anyways I appreciate what you women have given me. I have talked to many people and no one quite understands in the civilian world. I think all ideas may be great idea. I don't know when the right timing is but I am certain of this if one more army wife tells me how to be the perfect military wife I will loose it. I appreciate the positive and great guidance from ya'll thanks for not being judgemental. It makes me feel like there is hope. I am trying to find new ways to communicate and the only thing working in his favor is this he just came home from Iraq in June and that may have somethign to do with our issues but I deserve to be appreciated. And as for you, Jennifer Lott, I agree because if I am going to be a single mom then so be it. I try to explain that concept to him and he doesn't see it. It was easier for me as a single parent to a 3 1/2 year old 3 months ago than it is to be a fiance' and have added to the two of us. I want this to work don't get me wrong I just need some help from women with experience thank you so much.

Kayla - posted on 09/03/2010

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I dont think anyone but other men understand men..
But us women are SOOO complicated right?!?
I think, all the women in this world should become lesbos.. I dont think any man would notice other than the fact that he's not getting booty!!!!

Heather - posted on 09/03/2010

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First and foremost, learn to drive that vehicle. I lived in a situation like that. He used it to control me (this was my first husband). Look up manuals online and familiarize yourself with it. When he's driving, watch him. You sound like you're smart enough to put both together and learn!! It's what I did and it's not nearly as hard as it sounds. Besides, if he is ever deployed, how are you supposed to manage??

When he gets on the video game when there are other things that are more important, don't be quiet. Tell him that the boys need to eat over and over and over again. He'll eventually get it. Or he'll get tired of listening to you. Make it known that HE is holding up the family eating. It sounds ugly, but sometimes, it's the only thing that works.

You don't say how old your boys are. We also only have one car. I know that I'm only getting to the grocery store once a week. I make sure I keep extra cereal (you can still eat it even if it's dry) and ramen noodles and cheap frozen "tv" dinners. That way I'm covered if our shopping is delayed or I just don't feel like cooking.

What "military stuff" are you organizing? If that's his career, he should be taking care of it. You should "just be there for him?" What about his children?

I wish I had the magic answer for you. I know that dealing with a military lifestyle can be extremely hard (I'm a USAF brat myself). But honey, stand up for yourself and your boys. They really need to be the priority.

Sarah - posted on 09/03/2010

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lol. We have a manual also, and i can'y drive it. Wait for the right timing as to when to talk to him. When guys first get home from work they like to unwind. Its hard but it does get better. I have found that prayer actually works :) If you feel like talking sometime, i would love to chat

Tarryn - posted on 09/03/2010

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oh dear, I know the feeling! I have been with my hubby for 10 yrs, married for almost 4 of those. My son was 7.5 months old when, one night I lost my cool and gave him a choice. I said in the evenings I need your help. In return I will give you 3 hrs on each day of the weekend to play your games and you can do the same for me, as I enjoy watching a few reality shows in the late afternoon and in between those hours, we can spend time together as a family because everybody needs a bit of time to relax and gather their thoughts, or else you will never cope.

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