Son sleeps in the bed with me and his father

Sade - posted on 10/17/2009 ( 34 moms have responded )

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my son is 2 months how can I get him to sleep on his own he only sleeps at night if he is in the bed with me and his father and he is taking up space and making it hard for us to sleep what can I do?

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Liane - posted on 10/18/2009

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Quoting Valerie:

that is a bad idea!that is dangerous!our kids never slept with us and im glad they havent.i would suggest yo talking to your dr. because he will probably tell you that you could accidently smother him or roll on him,anything can happen.his can get his face in your pillows or the blanket or if your mattress is a pillow top.


The only times a parent ever smothers there child when co-sleeping is if they are intoxicated, taking drugs (medication or otherwise), or extremely obese. also, when your child is sleeping  next to you in your bed you are always conscience that there is a little person next to you. it's like people whose cats or puppies sleep next to them, you never hear of them rolling over on them do you?? and, if a child has something over it's face it's not just going to lay there and smother itself to death, it's going to push it off. please, please, please know all the facts before discouraging people from co-sleeping.  Anyway, we love the fact that our son sleeps with us, i just roll over and nurse him when he's hungry and we all get a good nights rest plus we love the bonding time with our son and like one mom said they were in your belly for 9 months, it's only normal that they would want to be next to you outside of the womb.

Mandy - posted on 10/18/2009

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There is a huge array of benefits of co-sleeping, which include:

- Night feeding and nurturing,

- Greater bonding with both parents,

- Positive emotional and physiological responses from the infant,

- Less sleep disruption,

- Shorter night waking periods,

- Less nighttime crying,

- Enhanced breastfeeding,

- Ease of response to baby distress,

- Emotional security for the child,

- Reduction of night terrors

- Greater likelihood of natural child spacing.



Studies in New Zealand and the USA have reported that while infant death does occur in some co-sleeping situations, most of these involve an unsafe sleeping situation (such as a smoking mother or nearby pillows). A 1999 study by the Consumer Product Safety Commission (USA) found that while 515 infants died whilst in their parents' bed, on a couch or a beanbag, there were 2,700 babies who died whilst in their cots. Of the 515 infant deaths, at least 394 of these were in situations where parents were not following the stringent safety guidelines for co-sleeping. Does this not suggest that co-sleeping, whether adhering to the strict safety requirements or not, is actually safer for baby than cot sleeping? It could be argued that the cot sleep and co-sleep ratio is uneven, however your own article states that "....in Queensland, 45% of the state's parents at some stage share beds with their babies."



In a laboratory study headed by Dr James McKenna on co-sleeping arrangements, it found that the mother is highly responsive to the infants' movements and spends less time in deep sleep. The infant arouses into light sleep more frequently."The inability for an infant to arouse frequently into light sleep is thought to be one of the underlying causes of SIDS, as arousal deficiencies are suspected in some SIDS deaths" (McKenna 1997). It is interesting to note that he defines co-sleeping as 'sleeping in close proximity to one's infant', where breastfeeding and/or attentiveness can easily be given. This could include arrangements such as a cot used as a 'sidecar' to the parents' bed, or an infant mattress or futon placed next to the parents' bed.



There is nowhere you can put your baby to sleep that is completely risk free, and of course we need to follow the safety guidelines for whichever situation your baby sleeps in, so that our childrens'¢ safety is maximised. However I believe that co-sleeping ensures that we are there for our son and can better respond to his needs should he require assistance during the night.



"In those infants at risk for SIDS, natural mothering (unrestricted breastfeeding and sharing sleep with baby) will lower the risk of SIDS." (Dr Sears, 1999)





saying that, i have taken the side off my sons crib and attached it to my bed, in a sense, it has made our bed bigger, giving us all the room we need

Judy L - posted on 10/18/2009

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Hi Sade,

I feel you girl! You have to put a stop to this now..... I had this problem many years ago, I share this suggestion all the time. Your son wants to be next to you. Remember, he has been laying in your belly for 9mths all warm and cozy, listening to your heart beat. Now he's laying next to you bundled up all warm and cozy, smelling you and listening to your heart beat in your bed! My suggestion: Take your blanket, robe or something that smells like your that you can bundle him up in, something warm and cozy. I just suggested this to my next door neighbor a week ago and her daughter of 3mths is sleeping all night in her CRIB! She was baby number 5 i believe this worked for. Keep me posted, good luck and god bless.

Jill - posted on 10/18/2009

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welcome to my club.... this is my 3rd and he is in my bed now too.... eventually they will leave.. with encouragement... i don;t look at it as a problem... just a temporary adjustment... life is scary out there... you bring him so much comfort... enjoy it... in yrs to come they won;t want to be there any more...

Lisa - posted on 10/18/2009

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My kids always slept with me when they were babies and it was the best bonding experience yet...If you really think of it they slept with you in your tummy for nine months so they feel safe next to you out of the womb...and no it's not that hard to put them in their own beds when you are ready for the adjustment

34 Comments

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Katherine - posted on 10/22/2009

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Quoting Cami:


Suing a heating pad my be dangerous while all of you are sleeping, it could start a fire. just be careful with that





Cami,



The heating pad should never be left on with the baby, it's just to warm up the baby will sleep on so they won't notice as much of a temp change as laying them down on a cool mattress.

Iris - posted on 10/22/2009

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Well that is not good.. That is one of the hardest thing to break a child out of. While he is young, u should give him his milk and put him in his crib. Get him a nightlight or a little baby toy that sings to him at night..That always helps...

Kim - posted on 10/22/2009

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Start with putting him in a cradle/bassinet right beside your bed. Gradually move the cradle/bassinet further away from your bed until he is in his own room. Also, when he naps during the day, let him sleep in his crib in his room so he'll get used to the feeling. Have playtime in his room (w/you of course) to help him adjust to his environment. You can also get a sound machine that plays ocean waves or rain so he won't be sleeping in complete silence. This is a good time to get him to sleep in his own bed before he grows too attached. Besides...it's time for you and your husband to have your own adult space.

Manda - posted on 10/22/2009

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Just put him in his bed. If he's been fed and changed then you know nothing is wrong with him. Let him cry himself to sleep. After 1-2 nights of this he'll be used to sleeping on his own.

Carla - posted on 10/21/2009

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well depending on the size...i used to nurse my daughter in our bed then try to move her to the bassinet or her crib but was unable to because she'd wake up!! i tried nursing her on a pillow in my lap then slowly moving her but still nothing worked! i was always a fan of co-sleeping though...good luck!!

Amanda - posted on 10/21/2009

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my daughter slept in our bed til 5 month. then we made a sleeping palate in the living room and slept with her there then we got her her own mattress child proofed her room and put up a baby gate and moniter. (couldnt get her to sleep in crib or anything with bars or sides) she seems fine sleeping anywhere but in somehwere with sides. that worked for us...try and figure out what your baby doesn't like about there crib. if its the lack of you rock them to deep sleep while you watch a movie and carry them to there bed..if it the sides on there crib get rid of teh crib and let the have the matress. try diffrent things. where does your baby like to nap? just play around with things and when your baby is ready and likes the place they will adapt quickly.

Amanda - posted on 10/21/2009

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my son slept in our bed with us for a year and half...we got on of those co-sleepers...it's a bassinet that has one side that drops down so you can put it right up against your bed...so it's like a part of your bed. That really helped to transition him into his own bed. He moved into that when he was about 14 months...that's when he stopped nursing...when he was two he moved into a big bed in his own room with out any problems.

I personally am a big fan of "co-sleeping" I loved having him in our bed and it was easy to nurse. I plan on doing this with any future children. But it isn't for everyone. Good luck!

Theresa - posted on 10/21/2009

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My husband is in the military so he has always been gone a lot. When our son was born he would screem for hours sometimes until he made himself sick, unless he was on daddy's chest or in bed with me / us. I tried everything until one day I used a t-shirt of my husbands and used it as a pillow case He went right to sleep!
So....I suggest taking a t-shirt with your scent on it and putting it in the crib, or if you or your other half wear a certain perfume/cologne, put a little on his blanket or on his crib sheet. This should work in order to get him to his own crib. I highly suggest you get him in his own bed now, or you will have a very long road ahead of you!

Hope this helps!

Stephanie - posted on 10/20/2009

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Well, there is gonna be tons of opinions on this topic....all I can say is I understand wanting to get good sleep. Even though my husband and I chose to co-sleep monstly because my husband works nights and I am breast feeding, it is nice to have your own space. I just transistioned my little one slowly.

First I started with letting her take naps in her cradle, which was next to our bed. I put one of my t-shirst over the mattress and would warm it with a heating blanket, when I was ready to put her in it I took the heating pad out.

After a month or so of that, after she had fallen asleep in the bed, I would transfer her to her cradle. Doing the same thing with warming it.

Now this did not work every time, but consistensy seems to be the key. I did not use any crying it out methods or anything so it can be done with out just leaving them there alone.

Now my 10 month old sleeps in her crib all night. Well except for the 5 am feeding till we wake up and 9am but what can I say, I enjoy co-sleeping and really dont mind the few hours we get to cuddle in the morning.

Best of luck to you, dont view this as a problem, I know it is hard but it will not last forever and just do what your gut tells you to do. ;o)

Cami - posted on 10/20/2009

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Quoting Katherine:



Quoting Tammy:

Most children are in beds with the parents because of a fear that the parents have about leaving them alone in there rooms, or they just don't want to hear them crying. The way that I got my kids out of my bed was first of all you have to be strong to do this. You make sure that they are fed and dry and lay them in there bed with an article of your clothes with your scent on it and let them cry themselves to sleep. Crying is not bad for them that is just a controlling mechanism that is learned by children to get what they want and we as parents have just feed into it. After they see that they are ok they will go to sleep. Some parents think that it is a harsh thing to do to a baby but I can tell you the other side I have a friend with a set of twins that are 10 years old and they still sleep in the bed with her.





Actually, new research shows that prolonged CIO in infants is actually harmful.  It can lead to increased sensitivity to depression in adulthood, ADHD, and trouble forming healthy intellectual and social skills.  http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...  Infants don't cry to control you, they cry to communicate.  Because they can't express their needs through gesture or speech at this age, they use the only tool they have at hand.  Imagine how you would feel if someone you loved and trusted came in to a room, and saw you sobbing helplessly, and then turned and left you alone.  I've cried myself to sleep before.  It sucks.  I can't imagine doing that to a helpless infant.






 






Sade - There are a lot of gentle ways to ease your son to his own sleeping space if that's what you and your husband want.  Try using a heating pad to gently warm his bassinet, and try leaving something that smells like you in there.  If you're breastfeeding, express your milk on to a breastpad and leave it near his nose, so he can smell you.  Also, babies that little often like to be swaddled.  It helps them feel secure, and sleep longer.  Another thing to check on is to make sure your little bit is limp limb sleeping before settling him down in his bed.  If your boy seems resistant to sleeping in his own space, he may just not be ready.  My son is a year old, and still sleeps with us at night.  I just remind myself that this is such a short time in his life.  Soon, I'll be old, and uncool, and he'll be frantic to spend all his time away from me.  ;)  I enjoy my cuddles now.  Good luck!





Suing a heating pad my be dangerous while all of you are sleeping, it could start a fire. just be careful with that

Katherine - posted on 10/20/2009

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Quoting Tammy:

Most children are in beds with the parents because of a fear that the parents have about leaving them alone in there rooms, or they just don't want to hear them crying. The way that I got my kids out of my bed was first of all you have to be strong to do this. You make sure that they are fed and dry and lay them in there bed with an article of your clothes with your scent on it and let them cry themselves to sleep. Crying is not bad for them that is just a controlling mechanism that is learned by children to get what they want and we as parents have just feed into it. After they see that they are ok they will go to sleep. Some parents think that it is a harsh thing to do to a baby but I can tell you the other side I have a friend with a set of twins that are 10 years old and they still sleep in the bed with her.


Actually, new research shows that prolonged CIO in infants is actually harmful.  It can lead to increased sensitivity to depression in adulthood, ADHD, and trouble forming healthy intellectual and social skills.  http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handou...  Infants don't cry to control you, they cry to communicate.  Because they can't express their needs through gesture or speech at this age, they use the only tool they have at hand.  Imagine how you would feel if someone you loved and trusted came in to a room, and saw you sobbing helplessly, and then turned and left you alone.  I've cried myself to sleep before.  It sucks.  I can't imagine doing that to a helpless infant.



 



Sade - There are a lot of gentle ways to ease your son to his own sleeping space if that's what you and your husband want.  Try using a heating pad to gently warm his bassinet, and try leaving something that smells like you in there.  If you're breastfeeding, express your milk on to a breastpad and leave it near his nose, so he can smell you.  Also, babies that little often like to be swaddled.  It helps them feel secure, and sleep longer.  Another thing to check on is to make sure your little bit is limp limb sleeping before settling him down in his bed.  If your boy seems resistant to sleeping in his own space, he may just not be ready.  My son is a year old, and still sleeps with us at night.  I just remind myself that this is such a short time in his life.  Soon, I'll be old, and uncool, and he'll be frantic to spend all his time away from me.  ;)  I enjoy my cuddles now.  Good luck!

Tracey - posted on 10/20/2009

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Hi, there is no easy answer. I have a nine year old who still gets into our bed in the middle of the night. It will take a lot of patience and you just have to make the decision to do it and stick with it. If I get to my son before he gets in the bed, I can turn him around and take him back to his bed. I just settle him back and hope he will go back to sleep. You could try putting a tee shirt or something with your smell on it into bed with your child and that sometimes works. Good Luck.

Cheryl - posted on 10/20/2009

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I'm not sure that this will help you but, let me share this w/ you. My husband and I have one child. She is our only child and we knew from day one that she would be our only child. I put her in bed w/ us the day we came home from the hospitol and SHE IS STILL THERE!!!!! So I hope someone can give you good advice on how to make the transition now because it doesn't get any easier later on. Oh, by the way, my daughter is almost seven yrs old now.

praying for you,

Cheryl

Debra - posted on 10/19/2009

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put him in his own bed put a radio or something in his room to help him sleep by his self it will be hard but u need to get him out of ur bed as soon as possible the sooner the better belive me my girl who is three now we could never get her to sleep in her bed until she was almost 2 now i have a 5 month old and he has never even been in our room GL with eberything

Kendelle - posted on 10/19/2009

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My son was like that but we bought an baby and surcure bed that goes between us when we sleep its awsome so when he fell asleep we put him in the crib in that so that he thinks that he is still with us, and still tell this day he countines too sleep in his own bed and is now 15 months... Good luck

Cami - posted on 10/19/2009

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Quoting Liane:



Quoting Valerie:

that is a bad idea!that is dangerous!our kids never slept with us and im glad they havent.i would suggest yo talking to your dr. because he will probably tell you that you could accidently smother him or roll on him,anything can happen.his can get his face in your pillows or the blanket or if your mattress is a pillow top.





The only times a parent ever smothers there child when co-sleeping is if they are intoxicated, taking drugs (medication or otherwise), or extremely obese. also, when your child is sleeping  next to you in your bed you are always conscience that there is a little person next to you. it's like people whose cats or puppies sleep next to them, you never hear of them rolling over on them do you?? and, if a child has something over it's face it's not just going to lay there and smother itself to death, it's going to push it off. please, please, please know all the facts before discouraging people from co-sleeping.  Anyway, we love the fact that our son sleeps with us, i just roll over and nurse him when he's hungry and we all get a good nights rest plus we love the bonding time with our son and like one mom said they were in your belly for 9 months, it's only normal that they would want to be next to you outside of the womb.





That is COMPLETELY NOT!!!!!! true. My dad is a sergeant at a 911 call center and just 2 or 3 months ago, they got a call from a frantic mother, saying that her baby wasnt waking up, the father had just realized that he had rolled over on to his 4 month old. Now ,a 4 month old can kick and cry and you would think that it would wake you. He killed his  poor baby. My dad was in tears and so was everybody that works there, because all the mother kept saying was "wake up baby, wake up". DOnt let this happen to you!!! Yes it could be good bondingto let the baby lay with you, but if you have an accident like that then there is no more bonding time. I just asked my dad about it,he looked up the case and neither dad or mom was under the influnce of any alcohol, drugs and perscription meds. He said the mom and dad both weighed less then 200 pounds!! My son is also 2 months and he cant even pull a blanket off his face. He is also very clingy to me, and i put his play pen on my side of the bed, and i roll up receiving blankets and put the next to his sides so he is nice and snuggled. i will never put my baby in bed with me, i could not live with myself if i had done that. Sometimes i sleep like a rock, and so does my husband, so to say that we dont forget that our baby is right next to us, is complete crap. sometimes yes im very aware, but dont let that one time, be the last time. Good Luck p.s. sorry this is so long but i dont want anybody else to have to go through that.

Tammy - posted on 10/19/2009

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Most children are in beds with the parents because of a fear that the parents have about leaving them alone in there rooms, or they just don't want to hear them crying. The way that I got my kids out of my bed was first of all you have to be strong to do this. You make sure that they are fed and dry and lay them in there bed with an article of your clothes with your scent on it and let them cry themselves to sleep. Crying is not bad for them that is just a controlling mechanism that is learned by children to get what they want and we as parents have just feed into it. After they see that they are ok they will go to sleep. Some parents think that it is a harsh thing to do to a baby but I can tell you the other side I have a friend with a set of twins that are 10 years old and they still sleep in the bed with her.

[deleted account]

He may just need to feel close to you, and that will just take some time to ease up a bit. For many months, my son co-slept in our bed; he also would only nap in my arms, so I *really* had no alone time. I know it's hard, but if you can find a way to make it work (e.g. get a bigger bed or some kind of bassinet to put beside your bed, if it's financially possible), I think you'll find you're actually getting more sleep. If you're always physically getting up/down, that's more disruptive to your ability to fall asleep. If you can just roll over and rub his hand, or give him his pacifier, or whatever he needs...it's just so much easier. Eventually, your son will be able to sleep on his own. My son was a very committed co-sleeper, and when he was about a year old, he was suddenly able to sleep in his own crib, all night, without issue. Hang in there!

Alisha - posted on 10/19/2009

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have you tried those cribs that attach to the bed????? You can find then at babiesrus. They work on most beds and that way he still feels next to you but you and your husband now have room to sleep!>

Mandy - posted on 10/18/2009

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Quoting Valerie:

that is a bad idea!that is dangerous!our kids never slept with us and im glad they havent.i would suggest yo talking to your dr. because he will probably tell you that you could accidently smother him or roll on him,anything can happen.his can get his face in your pillows or the blanket or if your mattress is a pillow top.



co-sleeping if done correctly is actually safer than them sleeping alone.



i do not go to my dr for sleep advice. i trust my motherly instinct and research it myself.



my 9mo sleeps with me and he is fine.

Valerie - posted on 10/18/2009

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that is a bad idea!that is dangerous!our kids never slept with us and im glad they havent.i would suggest yo talking to your dr. because he will probably tell you that you could accidently smother him or roll on him,anything can happen.his can get his face in your pillows or the blanket or if your mattress is a pillow top.

Terease - posted on 10/18/2009

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i used a light up mobile on side of the crib. The first couple times he may fuss but stand strong. Everytime i would lay him down for a nap or bedtime, I would lay him in there awake and turn on the mobile he would then fall asleep. It became a ritual. It was a great ideas

Nicole - posted on 10/18/2009

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I had the same problem but didn't realize that is was a problem until my son was 2...yep that's right 2 years old. If you don't put a stop to it now, it will continue and get harder to stop. Try sleeping him in his crib during the day when he naps so he gets used to it. Also remember that "they" say that babies that young can not be spoiled. My youngest son is only 3 weeks old and this time around I put him in his crib awake when it's bed time. Sure he cries a little bit, but he gets over it in 5 minutes and falls asleep. That's really the only suggestion that I have. I really hope it helps..keep me posted.

Lydia - posted on 10/18/2009

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we have a bassinet right next to our bed. our daughter was having a hard time sleeping on her own until we put her on her stomach. i know this isnt recommended, but it was getting ridiculous. so she sleeps on her stomach right next to my side of the bed. sometimes if she starts squirming, i put her in the bed with me, but it usually isnt for long.

Kerry - posted on 10/18/2009

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I agree with kyle, if you don't want him in your bed then move him out as soon as you can! At 2 months old he should be ok with the change as long as you don't give in or he will learn that if he makes enough fuss he will get back into bed with you.



Try a good night time routine and maybe have his bassinette near you if thats what you want. Make sure you put him down after feed/change etc when he is sleepy but NOT asleep, so he learn to nod off on his own. If he doesn't settle just pat or rub him on his back. Good luck! let us know how you go

Boglarka - posted on 10/18/2009

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What I can suggest you is to try to make him hug (or place close to him) a small pillow that you slept on a couple of nights. It's gonna have your smell on and that might be enough to comfort him.

Kyle - posted on 10/17/2009

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I don't have much information to help with this but i would encourage you to try everything to get him in his own bed. I did not listen when people told me not to put mine in my bed and i just recently got back into my own bed and my daughter is now 5. As much as i liked being able to wrap my arms around her while we slept, I made sure not to do the same thing with my son who is 7mos. I can put him in his bed awake and he will lay there quietly until he falls asleep so now i am back in bed with my husband. Now he tells me i need to go back in my daughters bed because wherever i sleep my dog and 3 cats follow!! Good Luck:)

Callinda - posted on 10/17/2009

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Have you tried putting his cradle/bassinet right next to your bed, so you can hold his hand or pat him if he cries during the night. Make sure he is well wrapped so he feels nice and secure. Also some soft music may help when you first put him to bed as he will feel comforted by the noise as he will not feel alone.

Amy - posted on 10/17/2009

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My son loved to be in a semi upright position. We set up a swing and put it right next to the bed so we were able to reach him easily but still have room. We rarely let him sleep in the bed with us, I was to scared of suffocating him.

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