Stay at home blues

Wendy - posted on 01/09/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I recently finished my masters and decided to stay home with my 2yr old twins. However, I'm feeling a bit blue over the lack of adult contact I use to have and not jumping into my career right away. My husband is fantastic and helpful and gives me most evenings and one day on the weekend to do whatever it is I want to do but I often find myself wanting to curl up in a comfy chair instead of getting out. Has any of you felt this way? Suggestions on how to regain my energy?

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Nicole - posted on 05/25/2009

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I agree with Kirsten, try to find a moms group or MOPS. I belong to MOPS and it's great, they provide free child care and you meet with mom's like yourself. They meet once a month and have different topics for each meeting and it's all about being a mother, woman, and wife. Also the YMCA is nice, they have child care that's reasonable in price and you can exercise or swim, etc. Some of the facilities have drop offs where you can leave and go shopping or out to lunch while your children are watched.

Krista - posted on 05/22/2009

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Two words: MOMS club. Look up MOMSclub.org and find a chapter near you. We (in mine) have MNO (mom's night out) once a month, we meet weekly, have playgroups, and support each other thru the tough times. At least check it out, it's been a lifesaver for me. We moved right before my third son was born; away from everyone we knew. I had pictures in my mind about sitting home alone getting depressed with my boys. Then I found Moms club. Saved my skin! Now I have friends, get to see them socially (with and without the kids) and have backup if something happens. I hope you find someone. It helps so much.

Tina - posted on 05/22/2009

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I have the same problem for 2 years now. My oldest is almost 3 and the youngest 7 months. We get out alot now that it is nice, parks, zoos, but don't talk to other moms because they are usually with others. My husband says to go out and so something but I have no good friends around and have joined a women's group but that doesn't seem to help. I think the only way to get out of this funk is to get a job and talk to people reguarly i guess.

Paula - posted on 05/21/2009

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I was a legal secretary for 10 years. I get together with the girls I used to work with about once a month for lunch. I take my baby with me and it's great to get out of the house, catch up on the latest office gossip and see my friends! I also think playgroups, Gymboree and other such clubs are a great idea, too.

Ashley - posted on 05/07/2009

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I'm at this point now ! I've been a sahm since Rylie was born but I am in a city where I have no friends because I just moved there before Rylie was born and my home is in an area where everyone is retired so I have yet to really see any kids ! I come and stay at my dads apartment for one week a month where they have baby day and I have friends with kids near Rylie's age so atleast I get some interaction there. Hopefully over time as Rylie gets older I'll make friends along the way.

Kia - posted on 05/06/2009

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I definately feel that way too. I am just starting to feel better now that I am actually becoming more active. I know you want to curl up and relax, which you should definately do sometimes, but I started doing swimming lessons with my son and we both love it. I have also started doing a Mother's Boot Camp (which was the last thing I felt like doing) and they had baby sitting. I feel like me again its really refreshing. I think just try to have some activities that you and your twins can look foward to or something just for yourself. I think excercise is a great way to go it makes you feel great.

Kristy - posted on 04/22/2009

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I feel the same way some days. I moved from VA where my family and friends are to my husband home state TX. I know only his family and no one else. My boys are used to going to the sitter or with me to the YMCA, but we do not have that in this small town. So, my boys and I are all bored and I feel bad because my oldest son is used to having kids to run around with even after school and now, he has his 22 month old brother, me and I am due to have our 3rd child in July and then our puppy. My husband works different shifts. I am going to college, but it still isn't the same as having some adult interaction and the kids playing while you get to sit there and talk.

Toni - posted on 01/11/2009

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Have you looked into any of the work out classes with your children? I joined a Stroller Strides group a year and a half ago and love it. A group of mothers take there children to a designated meeting area and push the kids in the strollers and stop at various areas and work out different areas or our bodies. Its no sissy work out class either. Besides the added energy youll have you meet new moms and have some contact with the outside work a few days a week. Look into it I love it.

Betty - posted on 01/11/2009

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I really encourage you to do that. I just joined this group the day before yesterday, and I think its been the most supportive and encouraging yet. We need that so much, as women, and now especially as mothers. This is the only job in the world where you constnatly second guess yourself and where your boss( your kids) regularly scream at you and undermine your feeling of ability. Can you imagine how fast you would quit a job if that was the case at work?



I wish you the best of luck; its so tough. I hope you find a really good group of friends to support you and make you feel like a great mom.

Wendy - posted on 01/11/2009

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Thanks all for you posts. I have tried a few groups with little luck of feeling like I fit in. I will keep trying...hopefully I will find something that works for my kids and me.

Rebecca - posted on 01/10/2009

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I have 8 month old twin girls and this is the toughest job ever. It's also very rewarding to be there for them all day and really get to know them. I'm going to look for a playgroup or at least mom friends when they are older. Right now it's hard to get out and they can't be around a lot of people anyway with being preemie. Definately get into some kind of Mops group or another moms group. Try cafemom.com to look for local groups. Good luck and know you aren't alone in how you feel. But it will mean the world to those boys to have their mommy caring for them everyday.

Hailey - posted on 01/10/2009

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I have felt the stay at home blues. I decided to be a stay at home mom for my daughter. I didn't regret making that decision. My husband and me agreed for me to be at home with the kid(s) (expecting baby #2 in May).  I didn't have a career persay, but not going to work and interacting with other adults took it's toll on me. On top of that, we live in a small town(my husband's hometown). My hometown is 18hrs away. So I knew no one at all and the only interaction I did get was from work. I eventually made some friends, but when I didn't go back to work, my social life went downhill. It's still lonely at times and hard not having my family around or old friends. It's quite the clique town.  I did go to Playgroups at the local library where I did find a great friend (most of the other moms were in their own group already so they didn't make it very welcoming at all).



But maybe you'll have more luck joing playgroups lol When I have my next baby in May, I'm planning on going to Mommy & Me Yoga. Or to the boardwalk, there's a 'playgroup' that meets there to just chit chat and walk along the lake front. See if there's any groups of that sort around your neighborhood. And when you have the chance to get out of the house for any amount of time, do it! Sometimes you have to force yourself, but once you're out, you'll feel so much better! Have a girls night (a dinner and a movie or just going out for coffee with your friends etc) Or if you are able, maybe join something yourself. What are you interested in? Hopefully this all helps :)  

Betty - posted on 01/10/2009

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Hi there, I find the best best thing for moms is support. You just cant do it without support. Friends with kids are especially important,even though your mom or mother in law can be helpful,too. I know its hard to ask for help, but you have to,or youll go insane. If you have someone to take your kids (or even one at a time) once a week for even an hour or two, it can be the difference btwn insanity and sanity. I really do find our local Early Years Centre a releif some days.Its run by the province, so its free and they even have free snacks and coffee. I also take the kids out to play centres and play dates, even when its snowy or rainy. You just have to get out. I know its a lot of work, but  if having two kids (mine are 4 and 3) running around inside the house is your only other option....



I also really take comfort in my other mom friends. If you dont have some, get some! They are the ones who understand your life. They are the ones you can break down and cry to when you feel like the worlds most terrible mother. (which you will sometimes).   Above all, do know that no matter how long you have been at home (Im going on 5 years) ,this too shall pass. And I think you'll never regret choosing to stay at home ,even though in the moment its so hard. You will look back on these years and be proud of the best decision you ever made.

Arryn - posted on 01/10/2009

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Hi..I have never been one to love "the gym" until our city opened up a leisure centre in our area.  They have a great childcare service and my kids really enjoy getting out and playing with others their age.  We try to get there three times per week.  It breaks up the day and forces us out.....We live in Saskatchewan and the winters can be brutal....getting out is a must.  If you are a social person at all...I can understand how you are feeling isolated.  I felt the same way at first.  I think it took me atleast two years of being at home with the kids before I truly felt it was right for me and my family.  Best of luck!

[deleted account]

Hi there! I suggest finding a local moms group. Try MOMS Club (momsclub.org) or Mother's of Preschoolers (MOPS). 

Emma - posted on 01/09/2009

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Defo find out what toddler group are on in your area. Havin twins must be quite tough. In my area there are indoor play areas which have a twin toddler morning. You save money as you dont pay entrance per child and your likely to meet mums with twins and make lots of new friends.

Stacey - posted on 01/09/2009

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I feel the same way. I wish I had some good solution but I don’t. I live in ND and the weather is brutal. It makes it hard to leave home when it’s -20 outside. I have lost contact with most of my friends. The only person I spend time with is my husband. If I wanted to go out he would gladly stay at home but I don’t have anything to do.

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Oh goodness, yes.  It is very daunting to eat, breathe, sleep, and work with your children all day, every day.  And. let's be honest it is work!  You sound like me almost 4 years ago.  I got on Facebook.com and have been re-connecting with old friends from High School and college.  I make sure that I visit my friends as often as possible and when we can't get together face to face, there is always the phone.  It is truly a sad thing when one's "escape" from the kids and your "connection" to adults relies on the people at your local Wal-Mart, Target. enter what ever discount super store is in your neck of the woods.  Regaining your energy takes a little while to kick in.  Once your twins are on the go...the energy gets right back.  Till then, force yourself out of the hose when hubby is home and go for a brisk walk..it gets the blood pumpin'.

Carolyn - posted on 01/09/2009

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HAve you tried looking for a playgroup in your area?  Then you and the kids would have contact with others your own ages.  And if you tell your kids when you are all going for the playdate then you will more likely go because they will be looking forward to it.  And I would say if you have friends who are mom's maybe once a week or everyother week have a mom's night out without kids.  And make yourself go.  Once you start you will probably feel more energized and social.

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