Stay at home blues

Amy - posted on 09/10/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I love staying at home with my 2 year old she can be so funny and sweet..But she can also be the worst thing on two legs. My husband works and when he comes home he wants to strip down to his shorts and lay around. I hate being stuck in the house ALL day my friends have babies but never want to get together because they all work. His day ends but and he gets to relax. The only time i get is at 10 at night when she is asleep even then he will complain about me going anywhere he will make stuff up like exscuses for me not to go but the bottom line is he does not want to be alone with the baby. She can even tell he doesnt because she prefers me over him with everything holding hands to bathing. I thought she would be all over daddy when he gets home from work but no she screams when he touches her and smacks at him. He throws little tantrums to if he is siting down and i have the baby asleep on my lap i ask him to change the channel or get me something to drink you can just tell he is aggervated by the way his body speaks like stomping or slamming stuff a little to hard when there was no call for it omg im just so tired of all of this IDK what to do anymore any help????

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Sonja - posted on 09/11/2013

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communication is always best. my hubby didn't really think I was doin all that much while he was at work and even though i'd be just as tired as he was when he got home from work, it was like he thinks i was sitting on my butt all day and he didn't understand what was so exhausting ( i mean how hard is it to do dishes and laundry right?). But then I got sick for a long time and wasn't able to even keep up on my most basic daily chores much less take care of three kids and let me tell you, he sure as hell appreciates me now since he realized spending ALL DAY with kids plus trying to get things done around the house wasnt as easy as he thought and it can be very overwhelming and tiresome. Especially since our scenery never changes. I don't know, but I think your man just doesn't get it and he needs to be told. maybe you could write down a daily log of what it is you do all day and just happen to leave it lyin around (include boo boos, unexpected messes, tantrums, etc). Just a thought ;)

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Ana - posted on 09/11/2013

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I had this very same problem.

Bottom line, he needs training!

Ok, so when a man comes in from work, he needs time to download from being a MAN out in the world (or he's gonna act stuptid). Within an hr or so, he should be more calm and civilized to talk about your day/his day and begin to help you out in the house or sit with your daughter while you take a break for a few hrs.

He should be willing to do this at least a few days a week to start, then you can get him to do it more as you need it.

He will probably act like he doesn't have a clue as to what to do with his own daughter for 2/3 hrs, but you can have him color with her, or watch her while she watches cartoons, just start basic.

HE NEEDS TO DEVELOP A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS DAUGHTER.

It won't be healthy for him or her if he just comes home, chills out and pretends like he's not really a dad. He needs to get to know what she likes and she needs to have an opportunity grow closer to her father and learn what that means to have the love and closeness of her dad.

You will have to talk to him to let him know FIRST that you are not happy with the schedule and the lack of communication with him and your daughter, and let him know that you would like to try something, very easy, to get the ball going in the right direction, so that everyone is taken care of.

There needs to be a balance.

P.S. I am married (3.8 years, and have 2 kids, 3yrs old and 8mths old and am pregnant with a 3rd)

So, now that I have said that, if your hubby is a total jerk and he has noooo plans to even do any of what you may suggest to him, your gonna need counseling with a marriage counselor at some point, but before you go nuts from not taking a break, you may need to hire a sitter at least 2 evenings a week for a few hrs so that you can get the break that he won't give you... real talk...

I love my hubby, but I have learned that men are men, some are stronger in areas that we females appreciate more so than others (child care, cooking, etc..)... so know your man, and if you feel that he can't do something for you or your child, then accept it, ask him if he wants to learn, but if he refuses, then you have to work around him, meaning, sitter, or family help, or something else.. We as women have to remain sane and keep our heads clear...Mommy Power!

Tonya - posted on 09/11/2013

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I can relate to you in a lot of ways. I am a very outgoing person with a lot of friends. My husband and I moved from Roanoke, Va to Newport News, Va about 2 years ago and I left my 2 sisters and all of my friends behind to be with the man of my dreams. I love him more than anything and would do it all over. I finally talked my mom into moving in with us because of her health. We now have a 20 month old son, who is our world. My hubby wants another child but at times I feel like I could pull my hair out! I have had back surgery in 2008 and I have pain everyday. At times my back goes out and it is hard to lift and carry or get in the floor and play with our son. Now, we are into the terrible 2's...I swear it has to be even though it's early! He climbs on furniture, jumps on the couch, tries to stick things in the plug ins, lays in the floor and cries when he doesn't get his way....etc. Typical 2 year old behavior from what I have heard. Being at home with him, day in and day out is hard on the nerves! We go to the park occasionally, when my back pain isn't horrible. We don't have a fenced in yard where we live so it is hard to take him outside because he refuses to stay in our yard and it is almost impossible to keep up with him! We recently bought him ANOTHER toy....a $50 cozy coup car that I can either push him in or he can use his feet to walk himself. That lasts 5 minutes outside. He would rather climb on the brick steps, try to run into the road, chase the neighbors cat, etc. You get the idea. I have tried flash cards, bubbles, other riding toys, apps on my smart phone, DVD's, games on a Tablet, coloring, washable markers, playing with pots and pans. I know he gets bored. I can tell, he is just looking for something to get into. I get down sometimes because I can't just pick up and go and call up a friend to go to a movie, the mall or lunch. I am used to running the roads, hanging with friends, going to the beach, etc. My husband is so good to us, he works extra hours so I don't have to and so we can build a house in the next few months. He helps with bath time and they have play time when he gets home so I can't complain about my hubby at all. I just hate getting down and missing my friends from Roanoke. I would love to get out and meet people and have play dates with my son but where do you go to do that?
Sorry to ramble so long. It feels good to "talk" to adults!
Tonya :)

Amanda - posted on 09/10/2013

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Men, I tell ya. They think the whole world revolves around them. My husband can be the same way. I hurt my neck in school at 14, my right knee in a car accident at 13, and my right shoulder last summer
in another car accident. And when I tell my husband thay one of them is bothering me (and sometimes they all do at once) I don't get "sorry baby. How can I help?" I get "what else is new!" But when his back hurts it's the end of the world! Not to mention if I ask for a massage he sometimes says no because I pissed him off even if I didn't. But when he needs one, no matter what he wants it! MEN!!!

Amy - posted on 09/10/2013

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On top of all that I have a herniated disc as well as arthritis in my left wrist when i tell him this hurts or thats bothering my today instead of getting some love he starts complaining of his problems... He brings a whole new meaning to man flu seriously

Amy - posted on 09/10/2013

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That is true I tell him all the time i have two kids its like i break up the fights between my 2 year old daughter and my 13 year old son thats what he acts like

Amanda - posted on 09/10/2013

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You're not alone. I am also a SAHM and feel the same way. The only time I really ge to leave the house is to take our oldest to school, pick her up, doc appts and go to the store. On the weekends, forget it!! I don't get to go anywhere. My hubby did they same as your's. I told him to stop being N ass and to help! I didn't make these kids by myself so why do I have to do it all alone?! It takes 2 to make them so it should take 2 to raise them! Our "work" days don't end like theirs do. When do we ever get to sit and relax? Really, never! There's always house work to do when they kids are asleep. They need to take a walk in our shoes for 1 day, but then again they will probably give up 2 hours in at maximum! Just try and tell him you need him to help you out without acting like another 2 year old!!

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