Stay at Home VS Career

Lori - posted on 04/18/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Okay, in a bit of a pickle. My career focused sister in law is coming for dinner tomorrow night. Every time I'm in this woman's presence she somehow manages to degrade me because I'm a stay at home mom. How can I make her understand that just because I'm a stay at home mom DOES NOT mean that I don't have goals, plans or ambition or dedication? Seems like no matter how nice I am to this woman it's beyond obvious that she hates my guts and to be quite honest, the feeling is becoming quite mutral.

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Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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if she keeps being disrespectful to you lori, especially if she is making comments in front of your kids and husband, then you should not welcome her back. she is obviously not going to change her stance on things if this has gone on more than once. you do have the right to say no to her coming to visit again

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Amber - posted on 04/19/2010

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One of the things that I have found helpful to tell other women when they are being degrading to me is that it's my CHOICE! I have a college degree (which you may or may not) but I find it beneficial for my child to be home. When you have children, your goals take a back burner.
I believe that women should able to make ANY choice that they want. Being a good woman is not about going to work and having career goals! It's about doing what makes you happy!
Maybe you should ask her how she would feel if you degraded her career? The whole point of having choices is to be able to make the ones that are the best for you and your family. Would she prefer your children (her niece/nephew) to have a mother who was not willing to sacrifice for them?

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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it is good that you have your husband to back you. he must be an awesome guy . i can understand why you get upset at even talking about this issue and you are absolutely right. no one should judge another until they have walked in their shoes.

it does seem that you have an awful lot on your plate. you do not need this woman judging you when she doesn't see the full picture

Lori - posted on 04/19/2010

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Dawn, it's been over a year since we've last seen her because my husband told her to go F*** herself. I'm no where near unappreciated by my husband. He realizes with two special needs children, keeping stuff straight with our finances, doctor appointments, therapy appointments, psyhcology appointments, psychaitrist appointments, ARD board meetings and other school appointments, helping him with his business, keeping both our ex's in check as far as visitations and child support, trips to the pharmacy, homework, housework, cooking and the kid's extra cirricular activities that I'm constantly and consistantly busy. He himself had to take a look at everything that I have to do to keep things both calm and organized and asked me how I keep up with it all. I told him that it's the time that I have at home that makes it all happen and happen smoothly. I think it's THOSE things that she doesn't see that complicates things with her. I don't believe it's right to judge someone else's life until you've walked a mile in their shoes. Now that my kids are older, where I used to work at least part time on top of all of this, my circumstances changed not allowing me to persue the things that I'd like to. I hold no regrets and no resentment. The bottom line is I contribute more to this household than meets the eye. I may not have the formal education that she does but I'm also educated in a lot of different areas in which she is not. And I've done it myself. She may think that our way of life is unrealistic, but the truth of the matter is that her way of living is unrealistic to our family..I get so upset talking about this...It's upseting thinking about it...I honestly do not know why she wants to come here to "set things straight." Her pattern has been for the longest to have everything cool but then move on shortly to the next rotten thing she does to us. I don't want that nor need that in my life. I've got too much going on as it is~~

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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i would also make it clear to your husband that you will no longer tolerate her bashing you in front of your family .

Dawn - posted on 04/19/2010

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i would tell her that it is none of her business how you decide to raise YOUR family and it's not her business whether you decide to work or stay at home. i would also remind her of whose house she is in and that if she is going to continue bashing you and disrespecting you in your home that she will no longer be welcome there. You do not need to explain a damn thing to her. i have been where you are and i too had to put my foot down and tell that person where to stick it . she doesn't have to like you or be best buds with you , but she does have to show you some respect because you are the mother of her niece/nephews. i would make it very clear to her if i were you

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To be honest you shouldn't have to explain yourself to her. Yes some women have to work because otherwise there wouldn't be enough money but women who purely work because they want to are selfish. You do have goals, plans, ambition and dedication. You are dedicated to raising youyr children something she obviously isn't. Just explain that you and your husband think that you staying at home raising the children is better for you as a family. Women who act like that deserve a good punch!

Rachel - posted on 04/18/2010

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I would let her know that it would cost over 10,000 dollars a month to pay for everything you do while she is getting paid less than that.

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