staying at home vs. daycare

April - posted on 11/18/2009 ( 64 moms have responded )

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Do you think that staying at home with mom is better for the child's development than sending them to daycare? I believe staying at home is better personally, but I am doing a survey for one of my classes I am taking online. Need some feedback ASAP!

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Shelley - posted on 11/27/2009

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Hey, I have some feedback for you. I stay at home. Previously, I was a teacher..and do love to teach. However, these children are mine and my husband's responsibility. I have heard, "Even so, they need to be socialized." Well, let me ask. Do you think that they will learn better social skills from me...watching me interact with others...or from other children their age? I know children who are in daycare and they hold on to their Mommy's pantleg...won't go play with other kids. Why? They're with other kids all week long. They want Mommy. Children who are with Mommy are secure. And, they watch Mom laugh and interact, be friendly with others and therefore have a healthy model. I bring my girls to the community playground a couple of times a week and they run right off and play with the other kids.
Also, at home my girls see what I do all day and I involve them in it. Mommy feels much less burdened now because I have taught my girls how to do dishes, load washer, fold, put away, clean the toilet, pick up, etc. Just involved them in everything with a bit of patience...knowing they would feel good being able to do "stuff" and eventually, I would get some help!! My girls are 3 and 5 years old. Granted, the floor gets "washed" everytime they do dishes. But, that's okay. I get to do something else that needs to be done! Anyhow, we were married 7 years before God gave us any children. Both of us wanted children very badly. So, why would I give them away to someone else to enjoy? We don't make much money. My working would help. But, that would mean more stress for me and then more stress for the rest of the famlly. I have stayed home and built relationships with these girls. They are well mannered, homeschooled (my 5 year old can read already. Woo hoo. Hey, they grow up too fast. Moms need to stay home and work with her kids.

Bonny - posted on 11/25/2009

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I totally go for the stay at homers. If a family cannot afford for the woman to stay at home, then so be it. However, I would never even consider putting my child in daycare unless he could at least speak to me and let me know what is going on. Play groups are easy to find, and actually, just taking them to the park or the zoo or even the library will net you a good crowd of kids to play with. My little guy is 2 and a fantastic socialite:) He can fall in with any group of kids and act like they shared playpens when they were infants.
Besides, what's the point in having kids if you're not going to enjoy them.

[deleted account]

I've heard of research that says that children who stay home for the first 2 years have better selfesteem, and better social relationships. But children who attend a pre-school for atleast 12 months before going to school do better in the primary years of school (I don't know about beyond that). Before I was a SAHM I a teacher in a long daycare which was ran as a preschool (2-5 years). I say home 6 days with my son (nearly 1) and work 1 day, and he is minded by family. When he turns 3 he will be going to a preschool 2 days a week, which we will increase as it gets closer to the time he goes to school.

Erin - posted on 11/20/2009

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I kept my child home with me for the first 3 years of her life. I finally put her into daycare for only three days a week so that she would be able to interact with children her age more frequently. I do believe that keeping your child home is best as nobody can give your child the attention they deserve quite like you can, however, there are some things that children just wont learn as easily without seeing their peers do it too. Since she went to school, her speech has improved immensely, potty training is over with finally, and her confidence all around has improved.

Aruna J - posted on 01/09/2013

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I believe that child care is the way to go. Your child will learn early in life how to integrate and socialize well with others. I am a fan of being a working mother. You will have all of 18 plus years of headaches in the future so it's better now to start them off in another environment other than home.

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Cleaver - posted on 01/04/2013

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i do find my son doesnt interact enough with kids his age he only really get that when i go to my moms group once a month and even then he just started playing with the other little boy there

Jenny - posted on 01/04/2013

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I'm not a mum as of yet but I think daycare is good in some aspects. The doctor totally disregarded my mum lots of times when she knew something was up with me it was the day care centre/ nursery that recognised I was not developing the same as as other children and that I couldn't hear, they set the ball rolling and reassured my mum that she was right something was up with my hearing, and it was caught just in time.. I thank the people at my nursery for that, they were supportive and got me the help I needed.

[deleted account]



 



Quoting Erica:



Quoting Christina:

I think a stay at home mom is better. all they do at a daycare is lay them in a crib all day and go around every hour to change their diaper. I dont think so. I would much rather be a stay at home mom.






I've been a stay at home mom for exactly a month and my daughter is 6 months old.. Christina I belive you have misjudged daycares. The one my daughter went to started motor skills, sign language, and sensory skills at 6 weeks. They play read books and do group projects. She even came home with art  projects. I loved my daughter's daycare! they also streamed so I could watch from my desk. And we live in a small country bumpkin town.






I agree that no one can teach your child about your traditions and beliefs but you and your family but some people don't have a choice and there are excellent facilities out there! I chose to stay home and give it a try and I love it but there are days that I miss taking her to the daycare so she could interact with other children.






 






Actually, depending on where you live Christina is very accurate!  Where I live daycares only require a high school diploma.  You have to have NO extra training.  I worked in one while I was in college for Early Childhood Education and they are awful!  I did observations in two other daycares in my area.  I currenlty do in home daycare and our licensing is even more lax.  I have my degree and have kept up with extra trainings by choice, but trust me I am one of the very few! 

Elizabeth - posted on 11/24/2009

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I totally think it's better. But, I understand if it's not possible to do it. I stay home because I'd much rather raise my children (at least for the first 5 years of their lives) myself rather than somebody that is really related to my child.

Cindy - posted on 11/24/2009

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This is what happened when I was a kid, I spent every minute by my Mom's side all the way up till I was 4 years old and then at 4 was when my Mom had to put me and my brother is day care, and I was so used to being with my Mom that when she went to go drop us off for the first time I cried and screamed and clung on to my Mom and didn't want her to leave and when I got older my Mom told me that when that happened that it happened for like a whole month everytime she would drop us off I would freak out because I wasn't with my Mom. So I think it would be in the best interest of the child, and Alot easier on the Mother if the child was put in daycare at an age where they aren't already attached to you, of course you may be freaking out inside and worried if your child is ok, but you would be doing it so your child wont become so attached to you that they dont want to leave you at all, I mean think about how hard it would be for them and you when they start kindergarden if you dont get them in a daycare before kindergarden.

Amber - posted on 11/24/2009

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I think that there are positives and negatives to Both! I am a stay-at-home mom and have been due to costs and for me it has worked out great! Not everyone can do it, but I believe overall, that if u can, u should! My 18 month old is well on level of development:)

Vivian - posted on 11/24/2009

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Staying at home knowing that mum is always there, I feel, will make stronger and more grounded adults :)

Alice - posted on 11/23/2009

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I think both are very importand. My boy was nearly 3 when I enrolled him in daycare for two mornings a week. It was hard for the first couple of weeks, but he quickly settled in. He learned how to share and how to interact with other kids. He made lots of friends, and also learned that there are some kids who just arn't very nice and how to deal with them, and I think that's important 'cause thats life. It's also the perfect way to get them ready for school, my boy would be in shock if he had stayed at home with me for 5yrs then I was suddenly leaving him at school all week long!

Patricia - posted on 11/23/2009

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There are pro's and con's: My daughter did go to daycare from age 2-5 as I worked full time. If I did it differently, I would have kept my daughter home the entire time. The pro for daycare is the ability for the child to socialize. The con that stands out in my mind is the amount of times my daughter was sick while attending.

Lisa - posted on 11/23/2009

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Daycare isn't the only socialization option. Why pay for daycare when you can go to the park and play in the playground? Get together with some friends or join a playgroup. If you can't find a playgroup, start your own!

Lee - posted on 11/23/2009

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I want to find play dates for my son. I want him to meet other babies as well. I live in Lakeland, FL

Amanda - posted on 11/23/2009

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Yeah definitely hang out with other kids, playgroups, playdates, great way for them to learn how to share and make friends :)

Cleo - posted on 11/23/2009

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I think staying at home for a while is great because it gives the child and their mom to bond but I do think that once they hit 2 they should at least spend a couple of hours every couple of days with other children that way they won't get culture shocked when they start preschool or kindergarten. My daughter will be turning two soon and she's at home with me all day but we have our days when she's around other children. I'm working on getting her out more because I know that she loves to be around other kids and I love that for her too.

Amanda - posted on 11/23/2009

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Making the decision to stay at home was one of the best ones I've ever made. My daughter is healthier than any other 2 year old I know because she's not around those germs all the time at the daycares. She's following a naptime routine that works FOR HER not for the convenience of the daycare center. I get to choose what she eats and when she eats it...I get to make sure that toys are disinfected SAFELY without BLEACH YUCK! And I think having ME at home with her is great for her development, self confidence and knowing how much mommy loves her. I see and hear other moms talk about how when they drop their 2 year old, 3 year old off they cry n cry n cry and say mommy don't go please don't go please. I can drop my daughter off anywhere. She has never cried when I went to leave and I think that's because she's comfortable with that and knows that I'm always around and I will be coming back.

She also plays on her own very well as well instead of other kids who ALWAYS need attention 24/7...right now as I write this she's pleasantly reading a book. :)

Melanie - posted on 11/22/2009

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I believe it depends on the child. My daughter is 7 yrs old & she was in a day care when she was 2 yrs old. She loved being with other children. However, my son who is 1 is totally different. I tried the daycare thing with him, and he was NOT having it. He would cry all day, and I didn't feel confortable with that. So I removed him and now I'm at home with him. So it depends on the child.

Chama - posted on 11/22/2009

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absolutely....as a mom, i pick when, what, how my children will learn and i can set and adjust the day. i had my first in daycare for about 3 months, and it wasn't good. the staff didn't listen to us as he was potty training and was way above the kids in his class. he started biting and when i would pick him up, he was in diapers. it's to bad that society doesn't see stay home moms as smart or anything like that. we know how to run the house, cook get homework done, doc. appoints, not just sit around and watch soaps. i would love to meet a mom who can actually sit and watch a show with out having to get up for anything... i know i can't. good luck with your class. keep us posted on your grade whatever...
;-)

Laura - posted on 11/22/2009

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I think it all depends on the quality of care! I love being a SAHM, but have friends that either need to work or don't want to stay home. There are quality day cares and nannies. We love our preschool and have no reservations about them being out of the home during that time. Ideally, all parents would be able to take care of their kids and do a great job. Realistically...sometimes day care is the best option. ;)

Carla - posted on 11/22/2009

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YES!!! I stayed home because of a health issue of mine but I think it is better especially in the beginning. I do recomend pre school though

Melissa - posted on 11/22/2009

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I think staying at home is better. I think that every child needs to feel safe and secure and a parent is the best person to provide them with that. I am staying at home with my daughter (my first) and hoping to be able to until she starts school!

Lee - posted on 11/22/2009

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I have always stayed home with my 3 kid's until they started school. Now since I had a baby boy this year I will not go to work until he is in school. Daycare you can not trust them. I have heard way to many sad stories about Day Care. Plus that's where your kid's get sick at. But, that's my opion. Thanks!

Deanna - posted on 11/22/2009

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I think that staying at home is best but once my oldest trurned three I did enroll him in a preschool program to adjust to a school setting and to get some intercation with children his own age and I have to say I have seen some major differences in him since he has started...

[deleted account]

Of you can handle it stay at home. You are your childs best teacher, the one they look up to the one they will always admire and the one who can give them the best care an attension. I recently fell out with a local MP about Stay at home mums because I am one and in my community Mum who want to go back to work get alot more support than mums who stay at home and I personally think that its your choice and if you choose to stay at home you shouldnt be type classed my mum did it. But personally my daughter who was premature is was ahead for her developement in some areas and on parr with others and I have the knowledge that most of it came from me and it also gives me a great sence of achievment as well as a great sense of pride in my own daughter.

Tabitha - posted on 11/21/2009

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I think that staying at home is best but you need to make sure to set up play dates or send your child to a daycare for a few hours a week to interact with other children. My son loves playing with other kids, when he gets to, but isn't learning to share well because of lack of ineraction so we are considering a small amount of daycare.

Kim - posted on 11/21/2009

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That's a tough debate that will probably never end. It's a decision each family must make for themselves. Sometimes it's better financially to have one parent stay at home and sometimes it's better to have 2 incomes with the expense of child care. You have to look at your family budget and do what's best. As far as I'm concerned there is no right or wrong answer if day care or stay at home is better - it's just what's better for your family.

Shelley - posted on 11/21/2009

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i do daycare and it is nice to send your child to daycare they get to play i have one boy who would love to stay at my house for days if we would let him if a child starts out a daycare at a young age then your provider will know the ins and outs of what your child loves and what he hates..

Martha - posted on 11/21/2009

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It is most necessary to determine what is financially feasible even if you don't consider your own feelings or that of your child. What is your pay compared to cost of daycare, meals eaten out, changes of clothing for both you and your child, increased amount of food for the child if you are not breastfeeding, bottle expense, extra diapers and wipes, increased transportation expenses...it all adds up. Do you break even? My feeling now (my children are 23 and 20) is that I did the right thing to stay home while they were breastfeeding and until they were 3 years of age. I typed from home and babysat in order to help out. The little girl I babysat was a good friend of my youngest. It all worked out very well. I was able to use cloth diapers, hang them outside to dry, make my own meals and puree their food when they were babies and even nursed the other children if necessary. Sharing is caring.

[deleted account]

Staying at home is great but I think if your going to do it you need to find a play group for the child so they can get there socilization skills too. I know one of my friends has always stayed home with her children and they don't know how to react when they are around other kids.

Ashley - posted on 11/21/2009

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Being a stay at home mom is great. With my first, I was on maternity leave for 6 wks and went back to work. My husband was on third shift so he was able to watch her while I was at work. At the end of the six weeks when we were looking for daycare centers, not only were the prices unbelieveable, the news was showing numerous stories of children dying in daycare. I couldn't take that chance, which is why my husband went to third shift. After my second one, I went on maternity leave and after that was laid off. I have been a stay at home mom since March of this year. It has been great. Definitly challenging, but I wouldn't change it. It's great to see everything that they do. With my first I missed a lot, but I'm seeing my youngest do all the milestones!

[deleted account]

im a stay at home mom an i do not believe in daycare maybe if the child is 4 or 5 but for little once noway, there is to much bad stuff that goes on in daycares or even having a babysitter, maury is the greastest show to watch if you wanna put your child in daycare,or hire someone you dont no to watch your child like im not sure where everyone is from but im from ohio, an last week in cleveland at a daycare a toddler was bit by the lady who ran the daycare.,it wasnt even by another little kid it was by an adult, an then i dont no about every daycare but the onces i live by put the one year oldswith the two an three year olds i would not want my one year old son with a three year old an then they will have seven or eight kids with two adults well every child is not getting watch or the attention there need, an then you dont even no the type of people you would be letting watch your child, an then all the germs,like my son as 19 an a half months old an he washes his hands all the time wether it be with soap an water or a wipey, like you go into a daycare an you see kids with runny noses that needs wiped an they dont do it,or you pick your child up an they got hurt cuz of other kids im just going to stop now because ive already wrote alot.pretty much im against daycare

Linda - posted on 11/21/2009

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i think you need a combination of both. im a stay at home mum and i love it but ive started to look for somewhere for my son to go for a day or two a week. i think as a mum you give your children everything you can and 1 of those things has to be social interaction with other children the same age.

A - posted on 11/21/2009

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Yes. Just because you don't work outside of the home doesn't mean your child doesn't get social interaction.You take your children out during errands, go out with other moms and their children, family functions with other children, etc. They see new people and things everyday because of this. Instead of staying in a day care building/playground day after day with the same people all the time. I'm sure some day cares offer field trips, but still. Bad habits can be picked up from day care, where you can control who they see at home/with your friends. Also, as a parent, it is priceless because even if you spend quality time with your child, you still miss special moments because you can't make you child perform on a schedule. When you're home you get to see them all day and relish all the special moments.

[deleted account]

I work at home... and most recently I moved back to my "hometown" were my mom lives and I know the care provider personally (she is a neighbor). For developmental reasons I love her going to DC b/c then she is learning not everything is hers and it will be easier sending her to school. Right now with my work I am working on a schedule for her to go to "school" she is 18 months.

For us living in a remote area also means cheaper DC. In our old town it was going to cost over $600 to send our one child to DC and that would have been for need only (if I got a job outside of our home) In our new area it is $2 per hour and there are some fun friends to be made :) Really a few hours every other day doesn't hurt!

I am still a person to say I don't want my child being raised by other people... But I do like having a socially rounded child that is learning a growing even when she is not with me.

I hope this helps your survey!

Rachael - posted on 11/20/2009

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I have a 19mnth old daughter and she has just started going to child care for a half day once a week. I wanted her to be able to socialize with children her own age. I dont like the idea of putting children in their all day everyday especially when they are young baby's but it depends on the families situation. If you can and want to be at home with your children i beleive it is best, but they also need to learn to socialize with other children their own age.

Jessica - posted on 11/20/2009

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I am a stay at home Mum of two beautiful boys. Early on my husband and I decided that it was our decicion to have kids - we should raise them. We don't always go on nice holidays every year, but they are worth the sacrifice.

I also didn't want to miss out on any of their milestones - first step, first word - terrible 2's... LOL... I lead a busy social life and I joined a mothers group and we meet weekly and so my kids are always interacting with others.

Denice - posted on 11/20/2009

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i would have to agee with everyone i 'm a stay at home mom now for five years i have a five year old and we did alot of work (studing )at home ,play dates, etc.by the time he was four and ready for prek he was ready to let me go.he had know anxiety problems very will rounded.now i stay home with my 3 year old and i'm doing the same with him hopfully when he turns four and is ready for prek that he will be as will round as his big brother and is ready for school full time .i think that if u can be a stay at home mommy then by all mines go for it .yes there is times when some people say

''omg i get so bored"but thats when new ideas come in so you can be on your toes ...i know my kids love it when mommy has a new idea or game etc.

Jamie - posted on 11/20/2009

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I love staying at home with my children. I have done both actually. I stayed home when my girls were little, then had to go back to work after baby 3.... then came baby four... I now stay at home again and absolutely love it. I get to run a home based business, bring in income and still be here when the kids get home from school and don't have to ask for permission to stay home with them when they are sick. They love it too. The tell me how they feel sorry for the kids that have to go home to an empty house every day.

Lisa - posted on 11/20/2009

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I think staying at home is better. I host many playdates here at my house with my friend's kids so there is interaction with other children as well. Right now my two kids are 2 y/o and 7 months, so this works the best for us.

[deleted account]

I think young children, infant-3yrs old, are much better off with their parent(s) or primary caregiver. Developmentally, I think younger children build secure attachment when they are with the primary caregiver (whoever that may be: parent, grandparent, nanny, daycare provider) most of the time. As children get object permanence and understand that they are not an extension of their parent, they need the security of knowing that their primary caregiver is present, this builds a base for exploration which is crucial in the child exploring and understanding his or her own environment.

I think preschool and large social settings without a primary caregiver or parent is best when the child is about 3 years of age. Physically, emotionally, socially, and verbally children are more aware and competent of their body and skills.

Claudia - posted on 11/20/2009

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speciallu the first three years of their life is when they are developing their subconcious! if they feel protected, and safe they shall have great self steem when they are grown up. And the best is being whith a caring, atte4ntive mother that can reinforce this.

Kathy - posted on 11/20/2009

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I am a big believer in children being raised by parents vs. daycare/babysitter.

Iris - posted on 11/20/2009

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I was a stay at home for years. I did not mind it but it did get boaring after awhile. It is better on the child , well for the first 5 years, then once they are in school, then going out to work is better. . My son is 15 now and I never really worked except for babysitting myself.. It let me stay home and spend time with my son and also cook and clean the house,, I still babysit but now I also hve a part time job, since she is in school all day.. If you really want too, you can babysit to bring in some extra money.. Every little bit helps..

Christi - posted on 11/19/2009

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I think that stay home is ideal, but I think that children also need contact with other kids their age. I think a mixture of both is a good idea, like I have mom's day out twice a week for a couple of hours so my son can play with other children. Staying at home is ideal, but let's face it, nowadays it is hard to do. The only reason I am home is because I cannot find employment that will pay enough to cover daycare expenses.

Parvathy - posted on 11/19/2009

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i think they both are equally good...daycare - lots of independance, less seperation anxiety, more friends the same age. @ home - all the love from mom/dad- safety, security, attention, good healthy food (at least for me), lesser health issues. tried both, currently loving staying @ home :)...

Wendy - posted on 11/19/2009

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I definately think staying at home for awhile is good. I sometimes think that is what is wrong with kids today. there parents aren't home enough to see what is going on. I mean would you want a stranger raising your kid? I never wanted to baby sit but I took my best friends kids just so they did not go to day care. Ror some they can no help it so I don't fault them but if you have the means I think it makes a difference.

Chloe - posted on 11/19/2009

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i am at stay at home mum, my son 10 months some time i wish i could put him in daycare for a day a week but cant daycare cost to much and there no daycare were i live that i would send my son to. the daycare here are so bed there not many that go to them.

[deleted account]

i am sahm.. wouldnt have it any other way, we all need to realize that if ur sah you are fortunate..kids need their parents first and foremost, may sound old fashioned but so true, i realize it depends on your circumstances.. which is fine and i do not judge, but if you are able and it takes sacrifice..then do it, it is good...and just b/c kids are at home with mom doesnt mean they dont get socializing.. and/or teaching of primary skills.. as a mom of 2 boys 2 and 1 they get taught everyday by my actions, words, reading to them, learning how to have table manners and other appropriate manners, as mothers we give our children the first behaviors they learn either way.. for me, dad goes to work for our financial needs and teaches our children how to provide as a man.. mom is at home taking care of house and kids. and daddy comes home to play and help with bath and bed.. that s just how it is here and im thankful for it

Paula - posted on 11/19/2009

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I think that if you can do it, I personally do not disagree with daycare but I believe fully that if you can afford to stay home and raise your children then you should. And this is coming from someone who would llike to start a private inhome daycare. just to make a little extra for her family

Kate - posted on 11/19/2009

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Stay at home is best. I want to be the one to raise my kids. I want to be the one to hug, kiss, cuddle, nurture, discipline and guide them. They are MY kids and, while they do stress me out sometimes, I love them too dearly to pass them off onto someone else so I can do "my" thing. If there is ever a time where circumstances dictate the need for me to return to work, I would prefer to work around my husband's work or children's school schedules so that one of us is always there for them. My husband and I work hard together to provide a stable, safe, loving environment for our close family. It would break my heart to put them in daycare. No one loves a child like his/her own mother. And as for social development, children can achieve that through play dates/groups, parties, the park, friend's/relative's homes - their own brothers and/or sisters - and receive all the socialization they need.

Erica - posted on 11/19/2009

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Quoting Christina:

I think a stay at home mom is better. all they do at a daycare is lay them in a crib all day and go around every hour to change their diaper. I dont think so. I would much rather be a stay at home mom.



I've been a stay at home mom for exactly a month and my daughter is 6 months old.. Christina I belive you have misjudged daycares. The one my daughter went to started motor skills, sign language, and sensory skills at 6 weeks. They play read books and do group projects. She even came home with art  projects. I loved my daughter's daycare! they also streamed so I could watch from my desk. And we live in a small country bumpkin town.



I agree that no one can teach your child about your traditions and beliefs but you and your family but some people don't have a choice and there are excellent facilities out there! I chose to stay home and give it a try and I love it but there are days that I miss taking her to the daycare so she could interact with other children.



 

Lisa - posted on 11/19/2009

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No one can ever love your child as much as you do. And knowing that you are always there for them will make them brave enough to venture out into the big, bad world without being afraid.

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