Step-Mom Problems!!

Amanda - posted on 04/08/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Okay! So, here it goes! I have 1 bio daughter who is 3 1/2 years old. I have two step kids. A 4 1/2 year old stepson and a 7 year old stepdaughter. It has been an absolute rollercoaster being a stepmom. I feel that I was thrown into this job over night! When we dated he was around my daughter all the time. He became close with her. I wasn't around his kids as much at first due to a custody battle between him and his ex. After everything was said and done and the I do's they moved in with us for 50% of the time. So, every other week they are here for a whole week. It was fine at first. I was very relaxed with it because I was getting to know them and wanting them to like me. But now it's been 7 months and I'm feeling stressed! They respect me to a certain extent which I expected. But they do not respect our house. They damage the walls, the carpet, and break my daughter's toys. I'm a stay at home mom for the time being due to his kid's school schedule and his work schedule. That has been very hard on me. I like to work and earn my own money. I don't like the fact that I have to stay home and deal with all of this by myself because my hubby won't pay for after school care. I feel the weeks that his kids are here he should work less and be home to spend time with them. He barely sees them when they are here. Maybe 1 to 2 hours a day. Sometimes he doesn't at all. I shared this with him but he just tells me it's the sense of knowing they are here. Maybe because I have full custody of my daughter and I don't understand it. But I do feel that if I had 50/50 custody of my daughter I would spend as much time as I could with her. His work is flexable and he could come home early very easily. He could even work from home if need be. I have been dealing with a lot of normal kid behavior but some not so normal behavior as well. For example, his son has been very violent towards my daughter. He causes blood and bruises! It really upsets me to the point I cry when I see my child bleeding. He just does it out of no where! They aren't fighting or anything. All of the sudden he will just walk up to her and dig is nails into her neck! I tell his dad but he just shrugs it off. I'm at the point where I want to talk to his mom about it. Then his daughter lies a lot. I catch her in lies and her dad will always believe her. I found gum stuck to my backseat. It's damaged. She's the only one who is allowed to chew gum. I know it was her. She tells her dad "she doesn't remember". He asks me if I'm 100% sure! I feel that if you're asking me this then why the hell am I watching your children ALL day and you don't trust me and my parenting judgement? This incident really bothered me!! A few days later I found gum stuck to the window in her bedroom. Guess what! She got away with it!!! My hubby even asked me if it could have been from the previous home owners!! Still gets to me now that it's been over a week. His daughter has been getting on my nerves lately. I feel SO GUILTY saying that! She's only 7!!! But it just feels like whatever she says is golden and whatever I say is taken into consideration. Small things like when we are in the car and a song I like comes on, he will change the station because he hates the song. But the same song he hates when his daughter is in the car comes on...he will keep it because she loves the song. My hubby calls me "Baby" and it bugs me he calls his daughter "Baby". I point all this out to him but then he comes back with that I'm being an "Evil Bitch" towards his daughter or I have a "problem" with her. I really don't think I have the problem with her. I think the problem is more him and how he handles situations. The younger kids are held more accountable for their actions then the oldest. My hubby told me because his daughter is the oldest she doesn't need to be held accountable as much! I was like it's the total opposite! She is older! She shouldn't be acting like a 3 year old. When his kids are here we don't go any where at all. It's rough with them out in public. They don't know how to act. They can't sit still when we go out to eat. They just get up and go to the bathroom without permission. They have to get up and give their dad a hug a hundred times. I end up wanting to drink a big glass of wine at the end of dinner! My daughter is 3 and can sit still, not get up a hundred times and will eat all of her food without crying or complaining. Their mom does not take them any where and I know if we don't take them any where they will never learn. I feel better letting this out on here. Just want to know if anyone has any good advice or has gone through the same thing? How do you get through it? I don't want this to start affecting my marriage. I just really want to get passed my feelings towards his daughter. I feel REALLY bad for saying of it. I know I don't have to "Love" his kids and all I need to do is be a good parent to them. I don't ever let my stress show to the kids. I save it for my hubby which isn't fair to him but he leaves a huge burden on my shoulders :(

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Alexis - posted on 04/08/2015

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I don't truly understand what you are going through, I have no step children. but I do have to say this, reading how you feel and all that you are going through, you are very brave and supportive. It shouldn't be that hard for you. his kids even though they aren't yours they should respect you and respect your daughter. seems to me and this is just my opinion that you need to tell your husband all that is going on when he is at work and how you feel, that you care about his kids but want and need to be respected. he should and more than likely will understand and talk to his children. it must be hard taking care of step children knowing that if something happens you, the step mom and wife are to be questioned. just talk to your hubby, ask him how he would feel if he was in your place and his children were getting hurt. I hope it all works out for you. just keep your head up. your get through this. God bless. :)

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