Still adjusting to lifestyle changes

Danielle - posted on 08/11/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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My husband and I just had our first child in March and I separated from the military in Feb. My husband is still active duty, but it was inevitable that if I stayed in as well, we would both get deployed at the same time or our new family would get split up across the country. I'm still adjusting from being part of the workforce, making my own money, being in the military, etc to being a stay at home mom. The walls start to close in on me from time to time.
We are still away from our families and most of our friends are deployed, just brought home newborns or are moving away so there really is no such thing as a break or time off.
My husband is a good dad, but he's still young- 25, which for many men might as well be 12. Having an infant did not quite meet up with his image of being a parent which I'm learning was all laughing and playtime. He doesn't seem to understand that when he gets home from work and "needs" time to relax and play on the computer, I'm still at work and only get time off if he picks up the slack. If I don't specifically tell him several times that I need help with something, I won't get help. The baby could be crying next to him in the living room while I make dinner in the kitchen and it's like he doesn't even hear it. I have to say "I'm busy making dinner. Can you please take care of Jack?" Then he will sit the baby next to him while he continues to read his car forums online. As we all know, 4 month olds don't typically like just sitting still on the couch. So I'm also still working on a good middle ground for us so we both feel like we're getting out own time without leaving the other out to dry.
I'm also trying to fit going to school full time into all of this. They're online classes which makes it so much easier, but they still require alot of time and work.
So yeah, lots of adjustments going on in our house these days! Let me know if anyone's found a magic word or anything to make it easier!

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Chaya - posted on 08/11/2012

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I have to wonder if there's a parenting class available for him.
Try telling him to get off his butt, it's his kid too. I used to go for coffee when my husband would come home because I would get clastrophobic, I'd come home to my husband sleeping on the sofa and the baby crying in the swing. I really went off on him.

Katherine - posted on 08/11/2012

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You really need to talk to him. Spell it all out that's what men need unfortunately. Tell him you need him to watch your son one night a week for a few hours so you can go out. Tell him what you do all day and how exhausting it is. You understand he works too but you work 24/7. When he watches him for a few hours he'll KNOW.

There is NO reason you should be the only parent. Both of you had this child. My ex did this to me all the time until one day I just burst into tears. I was SO tired. He finally realized just how much I did. But he was 32. Still immature though. Anyways, you need to have a talk with him.

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