still talks about ex-wife

Carrie - posted on 02/22/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

54

13

2

Ok ladys I need some help with this issue...My boyfriend and i have been togeather 4 four years and we have twins togeather..well ..when we first got togeather he had been separted from his wife for a year and then got a divorce. He talked about her alot when we first got togeather and I Listened ,i figured he is still geting over her so i will help him ,because they were togeather for 20 years ,so ifigured it may take more time. Now almost five years later and he is STILL talking about her,this may be geting a bit personal ,but i just have to explain, we were in the shower togeather the other night and ,OMG he starts talking about her i thought i was going to just be sick..i am so tired of hearing about her. You would think I would just tell him to please stop ,but he has a tendencey to get very afencive when i try to say my opinion,anyway i just want to know what you ladys think and if you have ever been in a similer situation.



Thank you, carrie kowaliuk

6 Comments

View replies by

Carrie - posted on 02/23/2012

54

13

2

Thank you! I think your right and I do need to do some soul serching and I think its past due..I have been trying so hard to make this work and just hope it gets better ..and i say to myself im doing it for the kids because they love there dad so much as all children do,but i am tired of trying to pretend im happy . I just cant seem to break this wall down thats between him and I and i have been trying for so long.

User - posted on 02/23/2012

11

0

4

In a way, I was like you in that I had a hard time expressing my feelings. I still have difficulty to this day, but have improved over the years. I think everyone eventually gets to a point of "enough is enough". It takes some longer than others, but you will eventually get there and god help him when you do blow!! However, if this is not the only issue you find "strange", perhaps it's time for you to do some soul searching and figure out if this is the man you want to be with. Remember, your unhappiness affects your children.

Good luck!

Carrie - posted on 02/23/2012

54

13

2

Thank you ! everyone I know its a no brainer,but for some reasone i have never been able to tell him how I fell it like i jusy emotioanaly shut down and nothing comes out of my mouth..But i am getting so frustrated inside that I feel like Im going to blow...and the ex-wife thing isant the only thing but there are many things about him I have found very strainge.

Karen - posted on 02/22/2012

183

0

12

I was under the impression that its wrong to talk about your ex, period.



I read tons of lady mags over the years that suggest it being a huge turn off, and it most likely wont land you a new mate if you are hung up on the last one.



You have patience to of dealt with it for this long, but enough is enough. You need to put that foot down. I don't suggest you do what I would do, since I am a little on the passive aggressive side, but me personally, the next time he brought her up to me, I would smile and ask him nicely "do you miss her? you sure do bring her up a lot". Maybe during intimacy I would say "this reminds me of that time me and my ex..... Oh, is it inappropriate of me to talk about him right now?" *wink*



No, you shouldn't do those things, but its fun to fantasize. Just be totally honest. It bugs you. It would bother 98% of women, I think. We are territorial and the past is the past. I get that 20 years is a long time and that makes a lot of stories, but he needs to learn to control it. Not every story from the past is worth sharing, especially to your current partner.

Loris - posted on 02/22/2012

126

130

9

my husband who was with his ex for 15 years used to talk a lotttttttttttttttttt of his ex, even called me by her name like2 times, I told him to stop it! It bothered me! and he did....good luck

User - posted on 02/22/2012

11

0

4

I'm not in a similar situation, but to me this is a no brainer. YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM IT BOTHERS YOU AND TO STOP! Regardless if he gets offended, this is disrespectful and offensive to you. How will he know it bothers you if you don't say something! Communication!! Plain and simple!



Your situation reminds me when my husband would make jokes at my expense and put me down in front of my family no less! I put up with it for a while....he thought he was being funny, me and my family, not so much. I eventually had had enough and I told him to stop doing it....it wasn't an easy conversation, but it had to be done. That was 4 or 5 years ago? And he hasn't done it since!



How would he like it if you talked about your exes??

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms