stress and courts?

Courtney - posted on 10/21/2011 ( 56 moms have responded )

27

9

0

so i have four kids, only three living with my my parents are fighting me for my five year old, ,my oldest. i stay home and never almost ever leave, my 3 yr old goes to headstart for like four hours for four days, which god helps!! but any ideas on what i can do. at my last court which was yesterday i freaked out so much before it even started that i started crying and puking. its my whole family against my husband and i.. its so irritating!!! any helpful thoughts anyways?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

April - posted on 10/22/2011

1

19

0

if your husband was in the forces then you have the right to get a lawyer threw them. You need to call the Veterans office and find out what you can do to get help. And yes i am sure there are things that she is not is not telling us here but lets face it we would all do that it is not like we are going to expose everything about ourselves online to everyone. But with out more info it is hard to give you a good answer you have to understand that but I do get why you are being so vague YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE AN ATTORNEY even killers have the right to one. call legal aid call who ever but with your husband serving and being hurt while serving you should be able to get help. Also just be honest in court it will get you so much further ahead trust me. This is your child you are fighting for you need to do what ever it takes to fight for him even if it means admitting you were wrong about stuff. If you start denying things and you are proved wrong on just something little it will only hurt your case in the end. Yes pray and yes be honest and yes fight for him and I hope things work out for you. best of luck. If you want to talk more you can contact me .

Cynthia - posted on 10/26/2011

900

34

76

Thanks Jennifer. i do understand why one would go. but idk why county would tell a father to go unless he is guilty of abuse linked to ptsd. that was my point. the post are very vague and as much as i understand and respect her privacy. there is not much to advise on. my advice now is to seek advice from someone you feel comfortable telling the whole truth. good luck i guess is the only helpful thing i can say to this.

Medic - posted on 10/26/2011

3,922

19

552

Cynthia- PTSD is very common in combat vets. Her husband is apparently struggling with that. The main way to deal with it and heal from it is to take the classes and therapies.

Cynthia - posted on 10/25/2011

900

34

76

so you have to leave your husband to get your kid back... my husband and i both know i would leave him in a heartbeat for my boys. why did the judge give your parents temporary custody? you are still only giving parts of your situation and so you cant expect good advice. so leave your husband that is my advice.

Jo - posted on 10/25/2011

22

0

2

Hi Courtney, all this post from all this ladies are trying to help you but we don't know the whole truth. Grandparents don't have any rights on the kids except if is any type of abuse, neglection, drugs or something that will make the county get involve and a possibility of a jugde give full custody of your kids to them.

56 Comments

View replies by

Courtney - posted on 11/08/2011

27

9

0

lol i always get stopped and told to make a question instead of a story.. im no good at this

Kelina - posted on 11/08/2011

2,018

9

235

don't beat around the bush just come out with it no matter how awkward and if you're unsure what the question is, just start talking. They'll figure it out eventually.

Courtney - posted on 11/08/2011

27

9

0

thanxs and will do im writing up some things to ask my mother in law and my county worker.. im not to sure tho how to ask certain things so its rather hard

Courtney - posted on 11/08/2011

27

9

0

thanxs.. tomorrow is our final court. my husbands charges finally concluded this last week. charges were dropped to battery and disordrely conduct. and is sitting five days in jail which he start last friday and has two years probation.. the guardianship was moreso waiting for that case to end and it came out better then we thought so tomorrow should be interesting. aside of the fact that i have caught something and can barely talk..

Jennifer - posted on 11/05/2011

19

6

0

Most states will keep a child with the mother if there is not an substantial proof of abuse, and also most states have help. There are womens advocate groups that offer free and low cost attorneys, and also the court usually has times when they help people with paralegals to do that paperwork right. If you have done nothing to endanger the child then you have nothing to worry about. You can't worry about your family but focus on your little family in your house and worry about you all, thats all you can help, you can't change them. Hopefully one day they will realize the mistakes they made.

Courtney - posted on 11/02/2011

27

9

0

o and yes my husband has ptsd, his group was in combat in iraq and had been blown up by and ied or something and had his friends guts all over him, its a very tense situation with that but we are maintaining and he is improving very much

Courtney - posted on 11/02/2011

27

9

0

well sorry i have not been on here much. yes there was an investiagtion on the abuse which my husband just finally got a sentencing and such from the charges, which barron county( not the county im living in but where the actoins took place) agreed to disorderly and battery. which was nice since they were goin after felony but dropped because my parents kept emailing them everyday nonsense lies and they finally caught on, we have been working with county to get my kids back, i have my three.. yes they were all taking but we got my youngest son back in last december and my daughter this april.. all happened last august. and had my newest addition in june so three.. my oldest just turned five couple weeks ago. and yes my parents only want one. do not ask again why please i have been asking the same and never get any real answers. county is involved and have been fighting for me as well to get my child back, they even got there da involved bt my parents attorney had the judge throw the nvolvement out because they didnt intervene til now, so my loss. and the attorney thing on my part i have tried but even with my husband only bringing in bare minimum they say we make to much for like judicare. but we have foodsahre and badgercare which dont make since. i have been going to lawyer clinics every third monday here at my county office and they have been helping. wednesday the 9th we shall find out and im hoping the judge sees what everyone else says. even the da in barron county said my parents are medalling in a situation not needed. its a mess and highly stressful. but its a fight for sure

Debbie - posted on 11/02/2011

5

20

1

Hi Courtney, I have been through all the court system & it sucks. It was basicly my family against my ex's family. I always hated going to court. I had 3 kids to think of. I have got to keep them with him having visits. I have 2 other's to another which we are together. How is your situation going? If you'd like to talk don't hesitate. Where are you living?

Natasha - posted on 11/01/2011

44

9

0

I just went through and read your STORY, very interesting one, i don't really get it though as i know no one would take a child away from his or her's parents without a dam good reason, so the abuse must of been bad, in which case i wonder why the rest of the children are still in your care as they may not be safe........ i think there is a lot more to your story than you are letting on. Truth always comes out can't fool a judge so i hope the out come in court will be what is best for your child and there grandchild.....

Cari - posted on 10/26/2011

52

19

0

Im still trying to understand why your parents are only fighting for one of your children not all 4, ehat are they claiming? If it's that your husband and/or you are abusive then why are the other children in the family home?

Since you say County support has been helpful, can they not help find legal support for you - have you asked them?how is it that you had a lawyer for your husband previously (you say your parents' lawyer defended you in the past) but can't get a lawyer now?

I get the impression you hvent tried everything yet and that, for your son, is a dreadful let down. There hve been some ideas shared here, if you haven't tried them yet please - for the life of your son - try them all today / tomorrow. Don't stop trying, you owe it to your son.

If your parents are trying to manipulate your life like this, goodness knows what your son's life will be like in their custody. If you think he is better off in your care then fight harder! There is still 2 weeks before your court date, there is still time to at least keep TRYing. Don't let that little boy down.

Cynthia - posted on 10/26/2011

900

34

76

why are you doing the counseling? and the classes? did the judge say you had to? and if you think you are going to win because of lack of evidence then why did you agree to the classes? i don't know what ptsd means. but it sounds like you are guilty of something, i'm just saying you havent convinced any of us that you are not guilty, so how do you plan on convincing the judge?

Lacye - posted on 10/26/2011

2,011

31

164

Courtney, a judge just won't take a child away for abuse if there is no evidence. Your parents would have to have evidence.

Courtney - posted on 10/26/2011

27

9

0

my husband and i have been doing everything the county has asked, started counseling (individual and couples and family) parenting classes, ptsd class for him, and so forth. as long as we win his charges which is the 2nd of next month we will win mine on the 9th,

Courtney - posted on 10/25/2011

27

9

0

i have tried hard to get my son back, and now their lawyer has told them to call cops if i even show up to see my son./

Courtney - posted on 10/25/2011

27

9

0

my parents turned my husband in over a year ago for abuse. he is in the courts for an abuse charge, which there is no proof of. everything from that day has since added things and makes almost no since. i did get my son back for two weeks and then they took me to court for temp guardianship got it an now trying for full

Lacye - posted on 10/25/2011

2,011

31

164

Ok. 1. The court is not going to take your son away just because your parents don't like you. If they have no proof that you or your husband are abusive, then there is nothing they can do. 2. If you need a lawyer, contact Legal Aid in your area. It might take a while to get a lawyer but the courts will have to wait until you receive a lawyer. They have no other choice. Either that or you can contact DHS and ask a case worker to represent you (yes you can do this, my husband recently got a lawyer and he told us this for a fact.) 3. I'm not understanding why your parents were given temporary custody of the child anyways. What grounds did they use to get it?

Jodi - posted on 10/25/2011

3,562

36

3907

"they are using things between my husband and i against me."

Ok, so you've mentioned he has a few screws loose, and now they are using things that are going on between you and your husband against you.....is there some sort of abuse going on here, either physical or emotional? What is it that is going on between you and your husband that they could possibly be using against you?

Cynthia - posted on 10/25/2011

900

34

76

i don't understand this at all. you don't even need lawyer because your parents don't have any rights to your child. just go pick him up from school one day and never send him back... i can't understand why you wont get your child back.... if you don't get him back b4 too long they will get him because a judge will say you abandoned him. you must not want him back or you would get him. it simple, you get your child!

Courtney - posted on 10/24/2011

27

9

0

they are using things between my husband and i against me. trust me i have called public defenders and everything i cant get a lawyer and since its thi far in and only one case left they are making sure to dismiss everything, well my parents attonery is trying to get everything dismissed, she got dismiss that she defended my husband and i two years ago, and since i didnt remember it til third time in it got dismissed, im helpless

[deleted account]

They can't use stuff against you if there is nothing wrong w/ it! My ex tried to use a letter I wrote to him against me in court, but it got him nowhere cuz there wasn't anything TO use against me.

[deleted account]

I should add... I have no funds for a lawyer, but the day my ex walked into court after not seeing his kids for a year and a half and tried to ask for full custody.... was the same day I GOT a lawyer (and I'm a single mom on welfare). MAKE it happen or, unfortunately, accept the consequences.

Courtney - posted on 10/24/2011

27

9

0

my parents attorney is the one writing letters. i mean i had to delete my facebook, my only way of talking to friends and family, because they were using everything against me

Courtney - posted on 10/24/2011

27

9

0

i have been trying and fighting, i just dont know where to turn anymore. i know i should have a lawyer but one was not appointed and i have no money and noone around me has money to get one.. my county is trying to help me but my parents wont even let county take my kid to see me and his siblings for a while. their attorney has told county to drop everything because she is making sure i dont get my son. i even got something in mail today saying she wants county completely out of this case. its horrify!! i miss my baby

LEAH - posted on 10/24/2011

75

7

6

I am a foster parent and have adopted two children. You mentioned that the county is involved...you should have a lawyer. And you should have visitation. If the county is involved all this should be happening. Something is not right here. My advice to you is to not give up and keep trying!

Christina - posted on 10/23/2011

1

11

0

headstart should be able to help you find legal help and validate your home enviroment. also you need to know what the grandparent rights are in your state. i had a similar situation with my own mother took a judge to tell her what her rights wernt good luck with your situation

Courtney - posted on 10/23/2011

27

9

0

trust me i have been searching even my husbands parents have been searching, but with no money its almost impossible. i am telling the truth with the courts unlike all the others so im hoping when its my turn on the stand that in some way i show their lies up.. i have done nothing wrong to be discriminated against.. and trust me im the first to say i know im not a great mom.. im young and still learning but i do lovew my kids unconditionally and will keep fighting for them

Cari - posted on 10/22/2011

52

19

0

I agree, if your parents have a lawyer you need to have one, you'll be in no position to argue against someone ho knows loopholes in the law. Spend all your time between now and the 8th finding a lawyer and being HONEST with them so no surprised come out in court that he's not prepared for. If as you say this is the last scheduled court date you have to give it your all.

My parents spent thousands trying to help my brother get custody of his son when he and his wife were divorcing. I know it's slightly different but what I mean is, they went a bit loopy trying to win, only to punish brother's ex-wife for hurting their son. It wasn't because they felt my brother was the better parent. And he wasn't!!!

Your son needs you. Do whatever you can and don't stop trying. Even after this court date, keep fighting for him and never ever give up on your child.

I hope all that I just said is for the better of this 5 year old.

Courtney - posted on 10/22/2011

27

9

0

yes i have been told many i,mes if i leave my husband everyone will leave me alone, but he is the only reason i am how i am. i stand up for myself. my parents loved him at first til he encouraged me to stand up for myself and speak my mind.. now along with him my parents hate me!! i mean me and him have been thru hell and back, with false accusations my parents tried calling us in once before and they go laughed at. now its again and they have a lawyer who laughs in my face and literally lashes out at me in the court room. i am going to have to look into the va thing. it would be helpful. im helpless defenseless and very vulnerable in that room. i miss my baby and have barely seen him for almost a year now..

Tinker1987 - posted on 10/22/2011

1,144

5

10

i feel there are some holes in the story if you werent with your husband would your parents be after your children?

Kelina - posted on 10/22/2011

2,018

9

235

I'm with alicia there must be something we don't know. It could be something insignificant that you wouldn't even think of but if you call around to lawyers and ask i'm sure they will tell you the same thing-if you can't afford a lawyer one has to be appointed to you. It wouldn't be fair for you to try and fight this battle without one. I really hope things work out for you, i would keep trying a lawyer and see if they know where you can find one who will take you on for free, or be able to wrok out a payment plan. Heck talk to your county to see if you can work with legal aid if you have to. You simply don't know the law well enough to do this alone unless you're a lawyer!

Courtney - posted on 10/22/2011

27

9

0

and i think the only thing i havent said was my parents filed complaints about my husband and i and our county is involved with us and they are also fighting with me to get my son back.

Courtney - posted on 10/22/2011

27

9

0

they wont and november 9th is out finally court. we haven been in four times already so yea.. its not happening

Alicia - posted on 10/22/2011

468

13

89

"if you can't afford a lawyer, one will be appointed to you" somethings not right about this story, call around more!! they have to legally appoint you a lawyer if you can't afford one!

Courtney - posted on 10/22/2011

27

9

0

o and they are using my husbands past against me and him.. he was in combat in iraq so has a few screws lose since his tank was blown up by and ied.

Courtney - posted on 10/22/2011

27

9

0

i wish i could afford a lawyer!! i miss my baby!! but i cant get one, the court wont appoint one, and i dont dare call him at my parents i have called his school and said i love and miss him, but thats the extent to talking. i tried having a play date but my father literally ripped my son off the playground and left after 3 minutes

Kelina - posted on 10/21/2011

2,018

9

235

Call, call, call, call and then if need be call some more lawyers to try and find one who will take you on or give you advice. You need a lawyer because you can't fight this battle on your own, you simply don't have the expertise. I too find it strange that they only want the your son. I wish you all the best!

[deleted account]

Maybe your parents hate you, but most courts won't remove a child from his/her parents w/out cause.... and WILL allow visitations.



I have a friend who is a foster parent and even those neglected/abused kids get visitations w/ their parents.



Do you have a lawyer? If not.... you need to get one. If you do... sounds like you may need a new one.

Courtney - posted on 10/21/2011

27

9

0

i honestly dont know how, i had my son for two weeks and my parents filed papers and took him back, and now wont let me see him ever!! and i see it as only my oldest cuz hes the first boy, my father hated me becuz i was a girl. and now are taking over my son

Medic - posted on 10/21/2011

3,922

19

552

Why do they only want your oldest? And how did they manage to get temporary guardianship?

Courtney - posted on 10/21/2011

27

9

0

mainly my parents hate my husband.. they have accused us of abuse,. but nothing has come of it. and my parents only want my oldest, they dont even bother asking how my other three children are. they were given temporary guardianship and on nov 9th we will be going on our fourth court session since. its to the point on testimonies, and im without a lawyer and completely out numbered and against

[deleted account]

I have to wonder what grounds they have to try and take your child.... especially if it's actually going through court.

Kelina - posted on 10/21/2011

2,018

9

235

Ya i'm curious as to the grounfds which your parents are trying to take him from you, why and where is the fourth? you said your oldest is 5 so it doesn't sound like an older child whose moved out. Basically if you're not a drug addict, you're not abusing your children, and you're not getting abused yourself then there's little chance of them getting him.

Sheri - posted on 10/21/2011

65

0

13

hi courtney, im so sorry for wat your going through. the only advice i can give you is pray and talk with your husband. oh i know its none of my business why do you have to go to court for your 5yr old,

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms