Struggling with PostPardum

Erica - posted on 11/16/2011 ( 7 moms have responded )

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I am a mother of 2 beautiful children and the wife of an amazing man. I have everything I ever dreamed of but as I sit here staring at my bottle of wellbutrin that my OB perscribed I wonder how I got here. How can a woman have all she could have ever hoped for and still feel this way? I have been having thoughts of packing up in the middle of the night and leaveing. Thinking my children would be better and my husband could be free of all my negativity. We have 2 supportive families and wonderful neighbors. I'm not in this alone, I have a few friends who alway are there to lend an ear or shoulder - or shot if it gets too rough lol. But yet here I sit fighting my internal demons... any one else who had this "perfect" life go through this? How did you handle the guilt? My husband works hard so I can do one thing I've always dreamed of doing and I reward him with depression? He's phenominal about it all. Sits up till almost dawn if I need to talk, picks up my slack on my down days. I try not to let my kids suffer but I think there are days they watch a little too much tv so I don't have to play. I'm only on day 2 of my welbutrin but they don't deserve this... Just really needed to vent and see if there is anyone else out there like me.

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Aniesha - posted on 11/19/2011

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You poor thing. I suffered horribly of PND after my son was born. I cried every single day for about 8 months, then I was still horribly depressed. When he was 12 months old, I went to a naturopath/homeopath who also does bowen massage, and my mood lifted incredibly. I'm sad that I didn't do anything sooner, but the reason was I was completely against drugs, and my idiot gp told me that that was the ONLY way that PND could be handled. I would strongly recommend looking into alternative methods of dealing with your depression, as it would be sad to just replace one problem with another. I hope you start to feel better soon, it's horrible when that dark cloud is just hanging over your head. Here if you need to talk:) *hugs*

Julie - posted on 11/18/2011

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PLAY and SING your favorite songs...
Get fresh air every day open windows when you can ...
Call or email old friends who've meant a lot to you
Get out and join a group where you can bring your kids... a church group or Bible study ... anything that makes you realize what a very precious and important person you are!

Jennifer - posted on 11/18/2011

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You are definitely not alone. I've been on Celexa for almost 4 months now. I honestly felt things going down hill right after my 3rd child (who is almost 4) was born. I just couldn't admit it. I tried to push past the feelings on my own, and some how managed to keep everything together enough that no one really knew something was going on. After the birth of my 4th child though, things got a lot worse. I struggled daily to get up and anything beyond the necessities (like feeding kids). I felt like a dark cloud was constantly over my head. I would cry at the drop of a hat. Shoot, I even cried my eyes out trying to tell my doc I needed something. The worst part of it all was the anger. I was constantly agry and yelling. I also had a huge fear that something terrible was going to happen to my baby. I was majorly over protective. For the first 6 months of her life, I slept in a recliner holding her all night, because I had a huge fear that she would stop breathing if I put her in her crib (it wasn't until I did research later on that I found this is a symptom of ppd). One thing I can tell you is that it will get better. My doc told me it would take about 4 weeks before I would notice a difference from the meds, but honestly I noticed a small change in just the first week. Just give it time, and use that amazing support system you have.

Medic - posted on 11/16/2011

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It happens to a lot of moms. I seemed to get it when they were a bit older, like almost a year. There is no shame in admitting you need help. My husband is also one that picks up the slack on days I just can't deal or my head is killing me. You don't cause depression it just happens to some, and there is a way out. Just keep trying your best, ask for help when you need it, and always say thank you to those that help pick up your pieces. Running away does not solve anything your husband chooses to be with you and together ya'll chose to have kids and those kids NEED you.

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Erica - posted on 11/20/2011

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Wow... Thank you all for your support. I'm on day 6 of welbutrin and I think I can already tell a difference. I'm not 100% by no means and today has been worse than most but I finally told the "moms" in my life... MIL my mom and my neighbor who is an adopted mom. That felt like a 100lb weight being lifted off my shoulders. I have realized that I have a hard time even getting up to feed the kids some days. Terrible I know. But Yesterday was an amazing day where I laughed almost all day so we are getting somewhere. I step out side and take a deep breath I turn up my music while doing mundane chores and that does help. But some days there is like this rock in the pit of my stomach that is weighing me down. The moment I think of getting off my butt and doing something. My daughter goes to EI 2 days a week and does storytime one day a week we go to church on sundays and sometimes it feels like our schedule is out of control. I tried backing off and skipping the storytime but my daughter really really misses it. I'm sure like everything else it's a balance thing and I'll figure it out. But the thought of facing other people horrifies me. I don't know why, I'm not gorgeous but I'm not a troll either, My kids are clean and healthy and behave very well in public. But I know with the meds and support I will get where I wanna be, and that is a happy mom with 2 beautiful children that I thank God for every day. Please keep the support coming it really helped especially today.

Katherine - posted on 11/18/2011

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I suffered from it with my first. All the same symptoms and feelings you are having. Remember it's a hormonal imbalance, nothing you did. Try to get out of the house, join a moms group, see if your library has story times you can go to with the kids.
I am just as guilty about the TV, my hormones haven't been right since and I still suffer an imbalance.
I put my 2.5 year old in front of the TV to get me time while my 6 year old is in school. I don't spend as much time with them as I should.
I think forcing yourself to do normal daily activities helps. Like taking a shower. I was really bad for just laying around in my PJ's all day. After I took a shower I felt better, like I had accomplished something. A friend once told me that if you can accomplish 2 things a day you're doing well. Never bite off more than you can chew.

Tamyra - posted on 11/18/2011

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I had it with my 3rd child. I couldn't understand what was happening to me. I cried all the time. My husband, like yours is awesome! I prayed alot and talked to people when needed. It lasted about 5 months and I learned alot from it. I know thats hard to hear when your still in the midst of it. Whenever I needed it I would go out alone and just breathe. I really believed God got me through it and of course my husband. Hang in there and take care of yourself. I will keep you in my prayers.

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