Switching roles

[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )

I started looking for work and I got a couple jobs lined up my boyfriend has quit every job he comes across he decided to go and get a first shift knowing that's what I was looking for so now I have no way to get there he said well we could switch roles which I'm not okay with I worked and supported him for two years till I got pregnant then he took over bills usually I'm okay with this role reversal but he can't handle her he gets frustrated and he'd have her in the car constantly running doing what he wants instead of actually taking care if her not only that I'd know I'd still be the one getting up with her all night go to work and come home to a trashed house and no dinner and have to put Tara to bed cause that's how it always is when I work he literally does nothing but play video games watch TV and now with a car running with his buddy's and if I'm gonna do everything I'd rather do it by myself am I wrong? Why can't he just be a man and still want to work even tho I am every time I get a job he always quits even before our daughter and honestly I don't trust him to take care of her and I know he won't keep her on her schedule Ive had her on. I already have one foot out the door with everything he puts me through this would be the last straw


Kara - posted on 04/08/2016




It sounds like he's gotten used to being lazy and wants to ensure he can sustain this by making you do all the work. He must realize on some conscious level that what he is doing is hurting your and your daughter but doesn't want to acknowledge it in his mind. Sit him down one night away before you go to bed and tell him how much he is hurting you and Tara by his selfishness. A lack of motivation isn't easy to overcome and may not happen all at once. See if he can find a job where he gets some level of enjoyment out of get. Maybe just start off with something part-time if possible.

When it comes to Tara, he should have some kind of satisfaction in taking care of her and making her happy. The way his mind is conditioned now is to avoid work so he must find a lot of the tasks on the schedule you give him to be unimportant/expendable. There needs to be positive feedback from his brain when he is productive/completes a task. The positive feedback is the key to re-establishing motivation... I think he is likely experiencing some form of depression.

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